


Shift

by Draconic (whos_madison)



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Military, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bonding, Bottom Eren Yeager, Bottom Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Dragons, Female Hange Zoë, Flashbacks, Human Experimentation, Levi's A Bit Of An Asshole, M/M, Nightmares, Omega Verse Themes- But Not Omega Verse, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Shapeshifting, Slow Build, Telepathy, Temporary Amnesia, Top Eren Yeager, Top Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-19
Updated: 2017-06-30
Packaged: 2018-07-25 07:48:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 45,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7524430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whos_madison/pseuds/Draconic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><em>It was his eyes that brought me back. I could see his face and the apathetic mask that he always wore, but the depth of those quicksilver blue optics were all I could focus on. They were laced with concern and regret and fear- an expression I never thought I'd see him make.</em><br/><em>He was afraid of me.</em><br/><em>I flinched away from him, away from everybody, despite his voice calling to me. The bond prickled between us, but it was a faraway sensation; a tap on a door I'd locked shut.</em><br/><em>I was a monster. </em><br/>In the space between the dark holes in Eren Jaeger's memory, the world has fallen into chaos. A terrorist group called the Titans has been using genetic mutations in order to conquer the world's nations, but their "dragons" aren't the only subjects to their experiments. When Eren wakes up to find he has unfathomable abilities, he joins one of the combatants of terrorism, The Scouting Legion, to take down the people that'd caged him. Trials await him at every turn, with years of torture gradually leaking back into his mind, a world at war that won't wait for him to learn how to control his power, and a bonded human that will most likely drive him insane before anything else does.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Isolation

_I’m so cold... Why am I so cold?_

The room was dark and frigid, making my bare toes instinctively curl away from the freezing concrete underfoot. I raise my head, trying to blink the blurriness out of my eyes.

_Where am I? What happened?_

The only source of light eventually swims into clarity. It was a yellowish color that seeped out from between the slatted blinds of a window in a door right before me, the shafts of lights hitting the floor a few feet away from the chair I sat in. I cock my head to the side, moving to adjust my arms and brush my hair out of my face, only to find that my wrists were bound behind me.

_What... what’s going on?_

As I shuffle my shoulders and legs, testing the strength of the rope that fixed both my hands and feet to the metal seat, fear began to creep into my bones. I couldn’t see anything else in the room, though it appeared to be quite small; the walls on either side were so close that, had I been free, I could have touched them, but I had no idea how far the floor extended behind me. An involuntary shiver that racks my torso reminds me of the temperature of the room, and I catch sight of a few visible wisps of my breath. I grit my teeth, casting a quick look down at my clothes. The blue fabric of my jeans were washed a dull gray in the darkness, and the white of my long-sleeve shirt was similarly shaded. Both pieces were thin and felt a bit worn, but at least covered a majority of my body. My brow furrowed at the realization that I never remembered putting on these clothes.

_I don’t- I don’t remember anything._

The itchy texture of the rope began to burn against my skin as my movements became more frantic, panic and confusion making my thoughts erratic. The sudden burst of missing information in my head made a tsunami wave of questions crash over my consciousness.  _Why was I tied up? Who was responsible for this? How did I get here? Why are my memories missing?_  My first instinct was to get away, to escape and figure out what the hell was going on.A cold sweat broke out over my brow, causing my hair to start to stick uncomfortably to my neck and forehead, and I shook my head to get it out of my eyes. I arched my back against the chair, attempting to move it with the force of my entire body, but it was drilled into the floor. Fruitlessly, I struggled against my restraints. Then something caught my attention, and I froze.

_Footsteps... and shouting...?_

Noises leaked in from beyond the door, but they were heavily muffled- as though I were trying to listen to them through thick ear muffs. The structure of the room must have had good sound proofing, for the commotion sounded extremely far away as well, but as a shadow flits past my window, I realize that whatever was happening was closer then I'd perceived.  For a moment I sat still and blinked, thinking I had imagined it, but then another shadow appeared. This one paused as it passed over my window, its head and shoulders making a silhouette in the blinds. I could only distinguish that it was either facing to or away from the door due to its outline, before it receded as well. The shuffling of feet and muted yelling grew a bit louder, and every few seconds a dark shape would interrupt my light source, only to inevitably vanish seconds later. I strained my ears to make out what was being said and craned my neck forward in an attempt to see out the opening.

_Bang!_

My heart leaped to my throat and I flinched back into my seat as the door abruptly shuddered with the force of something being thrown at it. A low groan reached my ears and shoes squeaked against the floor just outside. Eyes wide, I watched as a figure rose up, blocking part of the window as it leaned against the door. It stopped and swayed for a second, letting out another grunt before moving away, it's shape blurring at the edges. But then it was violently slammed back in place. Adrenaline spiked my blood and made it pulse against my skin as the door jarred with a third hit, followed by a weird thudding noise. My breath caught as a dark, oozing substance suddenly burst across the window. The figure then slumped down and out of my view, leaving a smeary track in its wake.

Before I could really process what just happened, a new shadow replaced the first, its shape a bit fuzzy and indicating that they were standing further away. The current figure was a few inches shorter and its head was strangely shaped, as though it were wearing a cap or helmet. It bent down, momentarily disappearing from the window, and the sound of something being dragged across the floor joined the ever-present commotion going on outside. After a beat the strange figure returned, this time much closer, making a crisp outline of its head in between the blinds. It was near enough that I could make out what it was shouting:

“Number?” A reply I couldn’t hear.

“Fifty -what?” More indiscernible voices.

“Fucking hell. Forget it!”

The door suddenly slammed open, and I flinched away from the abrupt brightness that seared against my eyeballs; I hadn’t realized how dark my room was until the freaking sun bounced into it, casting everything with a too-bright glow. The sound proofing in this room must have been top-notch as well, because it was like somebody had just set off a bomb next to my head. There were people shouting and running footsteps that thundered into my eardrums, along with strange thudding noises like guns being shot into pillows. The explosion of sound made fireworks crack against the inside of my skull, and I wanted nothing more than to clutch it between my palms. A haggard breath of a groan pressed past my lips as I fought the urge to curl up into a fetal position, lifting my head to see what was going on. I force my eyes open as a silhouette moves into the opening of the door, making the light a little more bearable. Still, I had to squint against it in order to identify the ebony outline of a person.

It was a man, covered head to toe in pitch black gear that I couldn’t see clearly enough to describe past being obviously military- with hundreds of pockets, a bulletproof vest, and heavy combat boots that clunked loudly with his every step. There was a huge assault rifle on a strap over his shoulder, and his left hand was ready on the trigger as he scoped out the room. It had a long silencer at the end of its muzzle, making it about half his height- a fact that was only made more obvious as he let it fall to hang in front of his torso. His face was in shadow and partially obscured by a helmet that strapped under his chin, but I could see a dark splatter decorating the left side of his neck and cheek.

Before I could react, he was dropping some sort of gray and yellow canister into the room. The fist-sized cylinder rolled across the floor to bump lightly against my foot and my eyebrows pulled together as I stared down at it in confusion. Seconds later, small trails of smoke began to curl out of one end and it rapidly billowed up into a cloud. The sight made my blood run cold and I futilely tried to kick it away from me, but the rope around my ankle held me fast. Panicked, I looked up and locked my eyes onto the man. I opened my mouth to speak, but only a hoarse breath escaped my lips. The simple act of breathing with my mouth open made my throat burn for some reason, and I swallowed, trying to ignore the scratchy pain that followed suit.

“W-wait...” I managed to choke out, as the man took a step back to reveal more of the corridor outside. A pair of brown boots peaked out from around the doorjamb, but one of the feet were twisted in the wrong direction. A pool of crimson lapped silently at the rubber soles as it flowed out quickly across the floor. 

The male paused in his exit and looked at me, but all he did was raise a finger to his lips. The pitch of his gloves contrasted against the paleness of his skin, and made the sharp angle of his jawline more prominent. He tilted his head and our gazes met. Even in the dimness, I could see that his eyes were a piercing gray; a shade that mimicked a wickedly sharp knife and pinned me in place, as though he’d thrown one of the deadly weapons and it had lodged itself in a wall just inches from my ear.

They were cool and glinting as he said, “Go to sleep.”

He closed the door on me and the gas-can before any coiling fingers of smoke could escape into the hallway.

He left them to choke me instead.


	2. Amnesia

I have no idea how much times passes before slumber finally frees me, but when I wake up, I’m in a different room. It’s a lot more spacious than the previous, and far more lit, but thankfully the two lamps and overhead light were dimmed so that my retinas weren’t being scorched as I take in my surroundings.

It was a makeshift hospital room, that much was obvious.  The furniture was a hodgepodge of things thrown together out of convenience, with little to no concern for decorum. Four or so feet away, two mis-matched fold out chairs were pushed up against the cream-colored wall just across from the bed I was laying in. One was red with a bit of cushion to it, and the other was a gaudy orange made entirely of plastic. A small green table holding one of the lamps was nestled in the corner, separating the chairs from the pale blue wall to my right. It had a knobbed drawer in the face of it, and four spindly legs that matched the bulbed shape of the light sitting on top. The door to the room was set into the left wall, which was the same robin's egg as the wall to my right. This time the door harbored no window; however, I could see light peeking in from underneath it and up the sides. Other than the low hum of air conditioning, no sounds leaked in with the fluorescence, which indicated that I was alone. The second lamp I couldn't actually see, because it was somewhere in the space behind my bed and the headboard blocked my view, but I had guessed that it was a lamp due to the little flickers it would go through every couple of minutes. It was as if it couldn't make up its mind on whether or not it wanted to stay on or be shut off completely.

Where the room started to actually resemble a clinic began with the two screens sitting to the left of me, both mounted on a metal pole that connected to my bed. One quietly beeped out the rate of my pulse from a clamp clipped onto my index finger and displayed the cliched jagged lines that jumped with each beat of my heart. The second screen was turned a bit away from me and its text was too small for me to read, but I inferred that it held more information about my medical status and history. My empty memory bank longed to know what was held there, even if I probably couldn't understand the jargon. Beside the two monitors and a little closer to me stood a tall hook stand with two soft plastic bags hanging from it. The larger of the sacks was filled with a clear shiny substance that reminded me of jelly, while the second contained a deep, watery indigo liquid. Both bags were connected to individual tubes that forked into one about a foot southward on the pole; and that line in turn trailed down into the IV stuck into the inside of my elbow.

For a moment, I simply laid there and gazed at the drizzling fluids. I watched and noticed how the translucent one dripped faster than the blue, and wondered if there was a particular reason for that. I wondered why one was colored and the other transparent. I also wondered if it would hurt too much to rip the needle that connected them to me right out of my arm. 

Honestly, I wouldn't have cared about the pain- I would have done it anyways.

If my limbs didn’t feel so heavy.

If my eyes weren’t already closing again.

And if my body hadn’t been strapped down to my hospital bed.

* * *

I wake three more times to the same bland room, with the same sleepy cloud holding my every sensory and motor nerve in a numb trance. In the moments I was more conscious, I had let the few memories I have play out like movies on the blank walls in a futile attempt to fill in the blanks. But nothing comes of it. In fact, the missing pieces only grow in stature as I start to notice more and more holes in my memory. I have no idea what my name is, how old I am, where I'm from, or what I'm doing here. I still don't know how I got here or to the place I was before, either.

Each new question makes my head throb just a little bit more, until the drug-induced slumber saves me from a killer migraine.

The fourth time I open my eyes though, something's different. I find that someone has wandered into my room.

I only hear their breath first, because my head is turned to the right when consciousness greets me. Blinking blearily in the light of the dying lamp, I idly ponder over the possibility of my imagination making up the noise, and whether or not I’d finally gone insane from isolation. Then I hear the quiet tap of their fingers against one of the monitors.

My head isn’t nearly as weighty as it usually is when I lift it and turn to the left, and I immediately look up at the IV stand in curiosity. Only the clear pouch still hangs lazily from it, its contents half-empty, and the second branch of the tubes had disappeared. At this, a strange sense of satisfaction rolls through me and I lower my gaze to my visitor, who hasn’t yet noticed my alertness.

His eyes, saucer-sized and a shade of deep-water blue, scan quickly back and forth as he reads something about my vitals on the monitor angled away from me. One hand hangs in the air as he touches through things on the screen, while the other holds a clipboard by his side; the face was turned away from me so I couldn’t see any of the papers that were there. A pair of cobalt scrubs hugs his slight frame, and I guess him to be a bit short, though with him standing over me it’s hard to tell. A small sigh escapes his lips as he runs a hand through his golden jaw-length hair, apparently unsettled about something. His gaze cuts across to me, and a tired look initially fogs his optics before he suddenly goes rigid.

“You’re awake.” Jaw abruptly tensing, his wide eyes tear away from mine after a moment’s pause and he briskly turns on his heel to stride over to the door. I shift in my bed, wanting to call out to him to come back, but my throat is just as dry as it had been before, and a rough cough racks my chest instead. His steps hesitate at the noise and he glances over his shoulder, but doesn't stop. It seemed he hadn't planned on leaving anyways though, as, instead of pulling open the door, he raises his hand to flip a switch right next to it and leans forward.

“Tell Dr. Zoe and the Commander that Eren’s up.” Static fills the space once he finishes his message into the small, unseen mic and speaker, and he flicks the switch off before a reply could filter out. He turns back to me.

“Who... who are you?” My voice is a low rasp when I force out the syllables, making me wince in slight embarrassment. I wonder if the parchedness of my esophagus was due to lack of use. I had no idea how long it’d been since I’d last spoken, even counting the one word I'd uttered before I'd been knocked out. It felt like it had been ages. The blonde shifts his weight between his feet as he studies me, his lips opening to speak and then closing, seemingly undecided.

“I’m Armin Arlert.” He finally settles on saying, his stride slow as he approaches the bed again. Confusion swims in my mind at the caution of his walk, but his next question makes me push the feeling away. “Are you thirsty?”

My immediate nod seems to amuse him as his shoulders visibly relax and he walks quickly over to something along the wall behind my bed. It’s out of my field of vision, but I hear him pop the lid of some sort of container, followed by a shuffling, almost grinding noise. He reappears from around the monitors a moment later, missing his clipboard and instead armed with a paper cup and white plastic spoon.

“I’m not allowed to give you water yet, but this ice should help a little.” The blonde steps up right next to the bed and then pauses, his brow furrowing for just a moment before he dips the spoon into the ice. He extends it towards my mouth, and I lift my head as he carefully deposits the crushed cubes onto my tongue.

Under any other circumstances, I would have felt ridiculous being fed like this, but as the ice melts in my mouth and slides down to my throat, nothing short of pure bliss washes over me. It instantaneously soothes the scratch of my throat, and I wiggle against the nylon straps over my chest and thighs, eagerly looking for more. A smile tugs at the corners of Armin's lips as he obliges my silent request and scoops out a few more spoonfuls. He is just starting to tilt away, probably to tell me that that's all he can give, or that he'd run out, before the door to my room abruptly slams open.

“YOU'RE AWAKE!” accompanies the loud bang of the door rebounding against the wall. The difference in which Armin had said this phrase and how the newcomer shouts it is astronomical. The blonde had been quiet, his words a breath of realization tinged with apprehension, while this woman’s voice was definitely outside-trying-to-shout-directions-during-a-hurricane worthy.  

“We weren’t expecting you up for another three hours! How do you feel? Tired? Lightheaded? Hungry?” She practically skips across the room, taking up residence to the right of me and leaning over the bed to peer closely. Her eyes are a dark almond brown that dances with the energy that radiates from her, even from behind the lenses covering them. She’s wearing scrubs just like Armin, except her’s are a pale yellow with white bottoms, and unidentifiable stains could be found here and there. Her chocolate hair is twisted back into a pony tail, but a few strands escaped to frame her face, and they currently dangled within an inch of mine.

“Uh...” My voice is still a bit hoarse as I try and move as far away from her as possible, but due to the binding across my chest, I shift hardly even an inch. My arms and legs instinctively tense, pulling against the cuffs that connected my wrists and ankles to the rails of my bed, but they didn't give either.

“Hanji.” The second voice is deeper and holds a berating tone to it as it announces the presence of another person. “Calm down, he’s just woken up.”  My gaze moves away, and up, to the owner of the third voice. It’s a tall man with broad shoulders and a thick chest, but unlike Armin and who I assume to be Hanji, he dons a gray suit with a white collared shirt underneath. His blonde hair is styled slick back with a crisp undercut, and it's a few shades lighter than the thick brows that settle over his eyes. He exuded authority and professionalism from his stance, all the way down to the way he spoke.

“Apologies Eren, she in particular has been looking forward to speaking with you,” the man continues talking, this time to me. The blue of his irises is a lot more striking than Armin’s are, but something about them makes a shiver run up my spine. The smile that graces his lips doesn’t reach them, and instead they seem to analyze every inch of me. I immediately don't take a liking to it, but something they keep saying distracts me, and makes my brows pull together in confusion.

I glance between all three stares leveled at me. “Eren?”

There was a pause.

“Ah! We were expecting you to have some variance of amnesia.” Hanji chimes in after a beat, straightening up away from me and holding her hand out towards Armin. He, in turn, jolts a bit in surprise before quickly retrieving his clipboard from earlier and placing it in her palm. As he does this, the brunette continues saying, “But not remembering your own name is a bit extensive.” She flips through a few papers, her eyes narrowed down at whatever was written on there. “You’ve had a documented twenty six shifts. That should have been plenty of times to override most side effects, and we're not even sure if that's the real number of times you've shifted. Though you are a bit of an abnormal case, seeing as we have significantly less information on you than we usually obtain." She looks back up at me, her gaze critical as she adds thoughtfully, "You probably don’t know what I mean by “shifts”..."

“Why don’t we start with introductions?” The taller blonde male cuts in when she pauses, obviously having seen my panicked, wide-eyed look of utter befuddlement. He folds his hands behind his back and bows his head toward me in polite greeting. “I’m Erwin Smith, Commander of the Survey Corp. I manage all major operations of this branch of the military. This is Dr. Hanji Zoe, head researcher and second squad leader. She oversees all of the experiments we conduct and rescue. And this is Armin Arlert of the 104th training squadron. He is a bright student that has been placed under Hanji to study as a researcher.”

Erwin nods to each of them in turn, Hanji instantly beaming a bright smile at me while Armin tucks his chin modestly at his superior's praise.

There’s a million questions running through my head, so many that it reels with abstract text.  _Survey Corp? Experiments? What are shifts? How do they know my name is Eren? Where am I? What am I doing here? How did I get here?_ The list went on and on.

“Arlert, I don’t think those straps are going to be necessary right now." I hardly even register what Erwin says until there's two quick snapping sounds, and the pair of nylon straps across my body instantly retract into the right side of the bed. They hadn't been too tight- at least not enough for me to really notice- but my chest automatically heaves a large breath, as though I'd been weighted down with a boulder. Armin, who had clicked the button to release the bindings, doesn't move to undo the cuffs on my wrists or ankles, though I suppose his commander was specifically talking about the straps. I try not to let it bother me, but my limbs still twitch against the restraints instinctively, wanting to be free.

I immediately push myself upright into a sitting position and have to pause at the top as a wave of vertigo washes over me, making their faces blurry for a second. I blink away the spottiness of my vision, gritting my teeth and swallowing roughly. I couldn't pass out now, not when I still had so many questions I needed answered. I silently eye all three of them, trying to decide what to ask first as Erwin takes the two chairs from the far wall and pulls them up to my bedside for himself and Hanji. Armin continues to stand, accepting the clipboard Hanji hands back to him and holding it sideways in front of his thighs. 

"Where are we?" I inquire, as soon as they've settled into their seats.

"Currently we are on a medical base in North Dakota." Erwin replies. He'd sat down next to where Armin stands on my left, with his hands folded neatly in his lap. Hanji was seated a bit further down the bed to my right, her elbows on crossed legs and chin resting on top of her fists. I wished she'd stop staring at me so closely.

"How did I get here?"

"We conducted a rescue mission on an enemy facility a couple hundred miles north of here. You were recovered from that site."

"Facility? Does that have to do with the experiments you mentioned earlier? Was I-"

"I'm sorry, Eren, I know you're confused, but we have some questions for you before we can answer any more of yours." The commander's tone is firm as he cuts off my string of inquiries, and I snap my mouth shut despite the overwhelming urge to protest. It wasn't fair. I still wanted to know how they knew my name, and whether or not that was actually my name. I had no memory of such identification, and how did they know that information was true? They could be wrong. What else do they know about me? Would they even tell me if I asked? The ever-growing blank spaces on the canvas of my memory nagged at the back of my mind, and made my fists clench tight in anger. I wanted them to answer my questions now. I didn't care if their replies would only pencil in the emptiness on an oil painting; I just wanted to know.

"First we need to know how deep your amnesia is rooted." Hanji seems to take my begrudging silence as an affirmative answer, though I knew I didn't really have a choice in the matter anyways. "What do you remember?" She drops her hands to rest on her thighs and looks at me expectantly, but I'm afraid I don't have a lot to offer her. I do decide to try and answer though, as I was curious myself. Maybe being off of that weird blue drug from the other times I'd been awake would help make my head clearer.

"Not much..." My expression twists as I reach back into the depths of my mind, attempting to push away the dark holes and bring things to light. To my surprise, I actually feel memories start to worm their way to the forefront, and I don't realize my eyes are squeezed shut until colors begin to splash against the backs of my eyelids.

White static fills my ears, and the world fades away-

"Eren! Armin, wait!" Hanji's shrill voice rings in my ears.

Next thing I know, I'm opening my eyes to a clear view of the dark ceiling with my chest rising and falling heavily as I lay on my back. A slight burn prickled at the back of my throat again, and disappointment floods my being as I realize what had happened. A thin layer of sweat coats my skin, and I assume I had been violently thrashing around on my bed, if the needle that hovers just inches from my throat is anything to go by. Armin's breath is almost as hard as mine, and it blows gently across my skin from his position over me. His dilated pupils reflect the disorientation I currently feel, laced with a bit of panic. As our gazes meet, confusion flickers across his expression. 

"Arlert, put down the sedative, please. The serum has long since taken effect." Erwin had stood during the commotion, but he now lowers himself back into his seat. "We will refrain from trying to delve into your memories for a bit longer. I don't want you to injure yourself in the process." The man addresses me as he speaks. He looks a bit tired and exasperated as he pushes a hand through his blonde hair, taking a deep breath now that the situation had been quelled.

Almost sheepishly, Armin blinks and regains his composure, taking a swift step back. I raise my upper body much more gradually this time as the blonde shuffles his feet and carefully places a cap over the needle of the innoculation, slipping it into his scrubs' pocket. He still has a look of perplexity on his countenance, but as he glances back up at me, he seems to dismiss whatever he'd been thinking. His hair sways as he shakes his head, as though trying to clear it. I'm tempted to ask him what that was about, but what Erwin had said nags at my conscience.

"What do you mean "serum"?" My tone is tinged with defensiveness, and I can feel my expression morphing into a frown.

"Unfortunately, we had to inject you with a serum that prevents you from shifting. It was for your own safety and ours." Hanji was only just now settling back down into her seat after my little episode, as though she'd been afraid I was going to have a relapse. Her gaze was a lot more serious now than it had been ever since she walked through the door, and somehow the intensity of her gaze unsettled me more than her creepy way-too-happy antics had earlier.

"You injected me with something? To prevent me from doing _what?"_ The coarse texture of my voice was steadily going away, allowing hostility to leak into my tone. "What the hell are you even talking about?"

As if on cue, the door swings partially open and a yellow-haired girl wearing rose-pink scrubs peeks her head around it. 

"I have the films and TV you requested, Dr. Zoe?" Her voice was high-pitched and sweet, matching the pale blue hues of her eyes.

"Oooh, excellent!" As though a switch had been flipped, a smile pops back onto the mouth of the scientist in question and she claps her hands together in excitement. Jumping from her seat, she strides forward in order to help the newcomer wheel a TV into the room while neither Erwin nor Armin react much more than turning their heads to watch. This apparently was completely normal behavior for the brunette.

The TV was one of the extremely old, vintage kind- clunky, box-shaped and strapped to the top of a cart that looked like it came out of a junkyard. I had no memory, and even I knew that the VCR player built into the front of the contraption was horribly outdated.

"The scientists we took you from were trying to be careful about how they stored their findings." Hanji offered in explanation as they set up, even though no one had prompted her for it. I wasn't complaining though- I was still very confused. "Tapes are a lot easier to destroy than files on a computer, since people can hack technology. I wasn't going to show you this until later, after we'd all chatted for a bit, but showing you what shifting is is a lot easier than trying to describe it."

The brunette trails her finger through a box filled with black rectangles on one of the lower shelves of the cart, a grin cracking her face in two when she pulls one out. However, she hesitates in slipping the recording into the television, glancing over her shoulder at Erwin to double check that it was okay with him. The man temporarily disregards her gaze and instead watches as the girl who'd brought the TV in plug its the cord into the wall. Glancing over the machine, she nods as though deciding everything was in order before excusing herself out the door. She didn't seem to notice the tension that filled the air as she left, and only when the door had closed entirely does Erwin motion for Hanji to continue. 

Their actions make my skin prickle with anxiety. I'd already come to the conclusion that whatever was going on here was pretty top-secret, but the tense aura that fell over us made me realize how serious of a situation I was in. I found myself waiting with bated breath as the screen before me flickered to life, and static crackled across it. Hanji went back to her seat as it loaded, her eyes switching between focusing on me and then TV, as though undecided as to whether or not she wanted to watch it or watch my reaction. Once a voice filtered out of the speakers, though, I practically forgot about the others in the room.

 _"Subject number 5955, shift attempt number fourteen. Experiment is to commence, using stimulus injection code 43TCU."_  

The off-screen voice was accompanied by a grainy, slowly focusing picture of a brown-haired male standing alone in a large room. The area was wholly empty save for him, with gray concrete underfoot and equally cinereal walls erected in the background. The man's hands were bound in front of him with thick rope, and he was clothed in a pair of prisoner-like flannels. It took a second, along with a spark of strange recognition in the back of my mind, to realize that it was me.

I couldn't recall ever actually seeing myself in a mirror, but like a baby seeing itself for the first time, I instinctively identified the slim, almost haggard form of a person as myself. I was much more underfed in the video than I felt sitting in the hospital bed currently. My skin, which appeared healthy and full as I glanced down at it now, looked pale and sickly in the feed. I couldn't tell if it was an effect of poor camera quality or because I had been malnourished at the time, and as the image zoomed in on me to bring more details to clarity, I wondered how long ago this film had been shot. 

On screen, my head was tilted down, allowing the chocolate strands of my hair to fall across my face. However, I looked up as a person covered head to toe in white safety gear approached me from the left. They held a thick syringe in one hand, and didn't hesitate in grabbing the front of my jugular and unceremoniously jabbing it into my nape. Sitting in the hospital bed, I felt the same anger that flashed through my on-screen self's ocean teal eyes. A swirling pink substance was pushed into my body, and the administrator held the needle in place for an extra second before releasing their hold on me. Even without the actual memory of his grubby gloved hands on my body, the proof of it happening made my hands tremble with rage in real-time as the video zoomed back out. My features on screen went out of focus again.

The video taper seemed to have backed up unnecessarily far, and I tilted my head in puzzlement at that. Wouldn't they have wanted to be able to see the effects of whatever it was they'd drugged me with? The distance caused the person who'd given me the injection to take a substantial amount of time to exit the frame, and I switch between watching myself and the person until he disappears from view. He had walked parallel to the camera and the sound of a door opening and closing announces his departure off-screen. I let out a breath and continue to study the image of my once-again isolated self. I guessed that there was a good 50 feet between the camera and its subject, assuming it was zoomed out all the way. I must have been placed in an empty warehouse of some sort for this filming, and my brow furrows as I try to remember ever having been in such a room. 

A few moments pass with nothing happening. I watch myself transfer my weight from foot to foot, making it look like I'm swaying out of boredom, though it could have been out of an inability to stand still. I empathize with the feeling as my feet shuffle into the sheets on my hospital bed. I'm about to pipe up and ask what's going on because the suspense is starting to give me a headache- when I suddenly start twitching. 

Not me, on the clinical bed- but me, standing on screen, alone in a huge room. It starts out with just my head suddenly cocking to the side and back again, paired my shoulder rising up towards my ear in a sporadic, convulsive manner. However, it takes no time at all for spasms to start running throughout my entire body. It was as though someone was taking a taser to every part of my body and simply allowed the electrical currents to continuously rack my frame with violent tremors. Watching this, my chest constricts at how insane I look, with my arms curling in towards my chest and twitching into multiple awkward positions. The lack of memory only makes the image more unbelievable.  _That can't possibly be me. I'd remember something like this..._  It only gets worse, though, as I see myself seize and double over at the waist, my bound hands hitting the ground as my back rounds and arches erratically. 

The footage continues and in real time, sitting there in a make-shift hospital room, I forget how to breathe.

_No... this is impossible..._

On screen, even from the camera's distance, I can see my skin start to bubble and morph from my muscles rippling underneath it. The pale shade of my body discolors as it stretches underneath the faded blue flannel clothing I don, turning a pallid shade of gray before darkening to a grotesque green. A loud crack is heard over the speakers as the rope around my wrists suddenly flies away from me, having snapped from my arms doubling in size. My clothes rip and tear at the seams as my torso and legs do the same, each part gaining mass seemingly out of thin air. Five long, menacingly pointed talons inch out from each of my now four feet as scales begin to replace my skin. A wriggling mass at the base of my tail bone shreds the little clothing left on my body as it whips out and snakes down to a smooth point.

Two large lumps form just between my shoulder blades and burst out disgustingly into a pair of board-like limbs, each rapidly growing into huge bat-like wings with thin, pale yellow webbing stretched across them. Hooked claws  extend from each junction, with smaller horns lining up from the furthest tip down to my upper back. My face has expanded at this point, its shape now resembling that of a horse's, if you ignore the set of wickedly sharp teeth that sprout from my enlarged jaw. My neck had also elongated, and green overlapping scales popped up along it in a wave that rushed over the entire length of my body. A large, webbed crest began to fan out from my form, starting at the middle of my forehead and trailing all the way down to the end of my tail, where it split to run along either side of the appendage until the tip.

It flared in time with the blood curdling roar that ripped from my throat and shrieked through the TV's speakers.

In reality, I sat there, shell-shocked and numb.

_I'm... Am I a fucking dragon?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter is a lot longer than I would usually like it to be, but I couldn't find a better place to break it off at. These first couple of chapters will be introductory-heavy, since I have to work around Eren's amnesia, so there will be lots of dialogue and explaining going on, just fair warning.  
> Hope you guys liked it and be sure to leave me some feedback! Comments and kudos literally make my day ^^  
> Unbeta'd so please excuse any grammatical or spelling errors.


	3. Information

I now understood why the camera was so far away. The creature I'd morphed into had at least tripled my overall body mass, counting its torso and legs alone. The huge, claw-tipped wings that protruded from its shoulders reached out endlessly on either side of it, their tips just barely contained in the frame of the video. They weren't even fully extended either- the monster seemed to be using them for balance as it got accustomed to being on four feet. Its long, coiling tail slid across the floor to aid it as well, and it whipped around, almost as though the dragon had no conscious control over it. The creature's slender, arched neck shook with the force of another screeching yell that caused static to crackle out of the TV. Its jaws opened wide and saliva spewed from the forked tongue that flicked out between rows of jagged, menacing fangs.

_"Phase one complete. Proceeding with experiment phase two-"_

"This is nothing compared to what you'll be able to do under our supervision." With a crisp click, the television went mute, and I had to focus my gaze onto Hanji, who was positively beaming at me from where she stood next to the cart. She clasped her hands together in front of her chest as though she were praying and bounced on the balls of her feet, looking more like an ecstatic school girl rather than a grown scientist. "With some training, of course. And plenty of research. Oh I just can't wait until we get you bond-"

"Hanji, that's enough." Erwin's tone was full of warning, but it only caused a childish pout to cross the excitable female's expression. The man's eyes were on me though, and it was his wary look that caused me to realize that I couldn't feel my hands anymore. They were clenched with a vice-like grip onto the sheets beneath me; so much so that my knuckles were a snow white against my tanned skin. And even though I tried to uncurl my fingers, I found that a majority of my muscles had locked into place. 

"You... you expect me to believe that that- that  _thing..._  is me? That  _I_  did  _that_ _?"_ My voice shook with the hundreds of emotions that rolled through me as I jutted my chin out towards the TV. I couldn't even begin to pin point which one was most prominent. They had to be kidding. There was no way.

"I know this is a lot to take in, Eren, especially while suffering from lack of memory, but I promise that this is not a joke. This is very much real, and we are telling you the truth." The commander's tone is soft as he studies me, but it gives me no comfort. _  
_

On screen, the monstrous creature was pacing in circles, its dark green scales rippling as light refracted off of them. The color of its body was majorly a pallid shade of viridian, with a paler sandy underbelly and ebony horns decorating its head and back. Two people in the same safety gear as the one who'd injected me earlier were in the room now, each armed with a long silver staff. Loops of wire hung lazily at the end of them, and it looked like they were trying to get the nooses around the dragon's neck. The monster  was giving them plenty of trouble in the task though; the lack of sound didn't prevent the creature from opening its mouth into a terrible, silent scream. Its wings almost knocked the people off their feet with each flap they took, and its tail nearly beheaded one as its large frame spun and wheeled around out of its captors' reach.

Both of the snow-clad people donned gas masks, even though I couldn't see any smoke in the video. It was probably invisible, and would explain why the reptile's movements were gradually slowing. Its wings beat less frequently and were drawn closer in to its body, and its steps became more like stumbles as it tried to avoid the lassos thrown in its direction.

"We don't just expect you to believe it. We expect you to do it again." Hanji's words make me rip my stare away from the TV again, opting instead to gape at her in disbelief. I almost miss the sharp glare Erwin sends in her direction.

"Eren. I'm going to need you to listen to me, alright? It'll all make more sense once I explain." The tall blonde's expression is collected again as I look back at him, but his tone holds a firm edge to it that makes its gentleness contradicting. I immediately wanted to punch the slightly concerned, slightly apathetic look right off his face, and my gaze morphed into a hot glower that I wished would've had some sort of effect on him.

"Fine. But I want all of my questions answered. I want to know what the fuck's going on." 

Seemingly satisfied with my conditions, the commander tucks his chin into a nod and pushes himself up to stand. To my dismay, he doesn't immediately dive into talking though; instead he inclines his head toward Hanji and inquires, "Has he been awake long enough to eat?"

"By the time it's ready, he will be." The scientist replies after a pause for deliberation. "If you're going to jump right in, I'll go see to it. I've heard this story plenty of times by now." Her tone is teasing as a grin wanders across her face and I wonder how in the world she could seem so happy when faced with a situation like this. It made no sense.

"Please." Erwin smiles at her in return and she casts one more look over to me before quickly sliding out the door. Armin quietly follows on her heels, reminding me of his presence in the first place. He'd been so quiet that I'd almost forgotten he was here, and I didn't get the chance to see his expression as he left. Did he already know about this ability? Surely someone who'd never seen the video before would have reacted in some attention-grabbing way as it rolled out on screen, right?

So he must have already known I was monster. 

Disappointment floods me for some odd reason, wrapped up in realization that it explained his cautious behavior from before. I frowned at this and pushed the desire to talk more with him away from me. I had more pressing matters to attend to.

"Now, you may not remember it, or may not have ever been aware of it, but the world is currently in the middle of a war." Thankfully, Erwin's voice soon breaks the silence that had occupied the room at the two researcher's departures. I looked up at him from my bed, my attention rapt. With his back to me, the tall man strides over to the TV in order to shut it off and an image of the dragon, its neck looped many times now with wire, freezes in a disturbing frame of it mid-roar before going black. 

The commander continues: "Twenty or so years ago, a terrorist group called The Titans launched a full-scale attack on the capitals of thirty different countries, including the United States. Fortunately for us since we happen to be located here now, the US did not fall completely, and we owe that thanks to an anonymous tip that had made no sense at the time. We still don't know who supplied the information, or what their affiliation was, but initially the information was brushed aside as a prank. However, suspicious activity in various regions of Africa just three weeks prior to the attack caused the President to take precautions anyway. This ended up being a god-send in keeping the US from being dismantled entirely. We still suffered astronomical losses, and had to relinquish territory over time due to being overrun, but unlike a majority of the other targets, we didn't fall into the Titan's grip. Only four world powers that were attacked were able to hold their nations. Each attack was well-timed and bloody, but the Titan's success was due to one specific reason: The terrorists didn't use soldiers."

"Are you trying to tell me that they bombed everything? That I'm the product of some freak nuclear radiation accident?" I raise an eyebrow at his explanation and my provided assumption, doubt lacing my tone. I had no memory, but I did have some common sense. I still knew about obvious things like how the TV was old even though I had no idea what year it actually was. I knew what a car and a president was, even if I couldn't tell you the latest models or who was running right now. And I definitely knew that nuclear radiation couldn't actually give you super powers -like being able to shape shift.

"Not quite." The commander casts an amused look at me as he reclaims his seat, leaning on his elbows with his hands clasped on front of him. "You were given your ability, though. You acquired the modifications at a young age most likely, but you weren't born with it; and that actually relates back to what I was saying. They didn't use soldiers. They used dragons." 

I studied him warily as he said this, skepticism practically oozing from my expression. Until a few minutes ago, I'd also known that dragons didn't exist. Like unicorns and griffons, and huge snakes with death stares.  _Do those exist too? Please tell me they don't._

"For decades, and maybe even a century at this point, the Titans have been secretly conducting biological and genetic-manipulating experiments on humans in order to create the perfect fighting machine. Along the way, as with all science experiments, they had failed trials. One of them just happened to be useful. They'd created a smaller, less complex version of the creature you saw on the film, but it was still ten times deadlier than a human. It was faster, more agile, had more endurance, and didn't need to be given weapons or armor since those aspects were already built in. They cranked these accidental mutations out by the  _millions_  in the various facilities they had around the world, and when they wanted to attack, they just set them loose on a particular city until it was run-down. Because there's another convenient aspect to these monsters: they only feed on human flesh."

"How did they control them? Why didn't the dragons just turn on their creators?" Part of me couldn't believe the words that came out of my own mouth, as though it were ridiculous that I was even humoring this line of thinking. However, a larger part of me was gradually coming to terms with the notion that this was far too detailed and prolonged for it to be somebody just playing a prank on me. And if they were, it wasn't funny in the slightest. As Erwin spoke, a chill had run up my spine just imagining something like I'd seen on the screen running loose- tearing people and homes apart while more of its kind did the same.

"They implanted chips into the experiments' brains and along their spinal cord." Erwin motioned with his hands as he spoke this time, tapping his temple first and then drawing a line down the center of his chest. "They were basically being remote-controlled. A boundary would be decided within which the dragons would be set loose into, and if they neared the border, electrical signals would force it to turn around to find another target within the dome. And once every living human had been taken out, they would be remotely corralled into one spot and then put into a sort of sleep mode. They are virtually harmless at that point, and remain unconscious until the next attack, where they'll be hungry again."

"How do you know all of this?" My gaze was still suspicious. Sure, his explanation made sense but what he was saying seemed impossible. Since when were people capable of creating life itself, let alone manufacturing an entirely new species?

"It's my job to know anything and everything about the Titan organization. My branch of the military specializes in gathering information, and performs as the primary vanguard for the attack on terrorism.The Garrison and Military Police were established by the United Nations alongside us, but have their own purposes in the war effort. The Survey Corp, or the Scouting Legion depending upon your title preference, was created in order to find out where the Titan's experimental laboratories and bases are located, rescue the subjects contained there, and take out as many terrorists as we can along the way."

"Wait." I shift my weight in the hospital bed, my expression twisting in confusion. "Back up. If the Titans have already developed a weapon that works, why are they still testing on people like me?"

"They weren't just going to abandon their primary goal once they caught a good break." Erwin averts his gaze in the direction of the monitor keeping time with my pulse. "Call them whatever you'd like, but a majority of them are scientists through and through. It's just a theory of mine, but I suspect that they'd had the first dragons many years before they decided to use them as a weapon. They probably ran out of funding or local resources and needed to branch out in order to continue their studies. Now they have what they need in plenty, they just have to fend off a couple of very angry governments as they work. For the past two decades, though, holding their own doesn't seem to be a problem for them." 

Erwin's tone had taken a darker turn as he finished speaking, and a cloud of quiet anger settled across his features. It made my skin prickle with unease, and his stony glare was directed at the wall, not me. A tense silence fills the air between us, where I'm not sure what to say or ask next, but the opening of the door saves me from breaking the quiet. A now-familiar shock of brown hair bounces in a second later.

"I brought goodies!" Three different plates filled with food balance precariously on Hanji's outstretched arms as she nudges the door out of the way with her hip. Erwin is quick to jump up and help her, the strained aura from moments before dissipating as he rushes to catch a platter that tilts threateningly from the crook of the woman's elbow. "Oops!" She lets out a sheepish giggle that totally did not fit her researcher description as the taller blonde takes the meal he'd saved and sits back down with his food across his thighs. In the more relaxed ambiance, I open my mouth to ask him more about the Titans, but then Hanji sets a plate on my lap as well.

"Figure you don't want to be spoon-fed, huh?" A silvery object glints in her hand as she lowers her own plate onto her seat. She steps over to the right side of me, her expression getting serious as she continues. "But you have to sit still and stay calm, alright? We're going to trust that you won't try to escape; and anyway, you wouldn't want to. Believe me, this is the safest place you can be right now." 

I blink and slowly nod confirmation at her words. If what the commander says is true, then those  _Titans_  or whatever they were, were probably wanting me back. The shape I was in now, I would be screwed within minutes. I still knew close to nothing, and I wasn't 100% sure if I should trust everything I'm being supplied with, but at least here I was getting some straight answers.  _Either way-_ an image of the man who'd gassed me when I was alone in that room splashes across my mind. The lethal rifle in his hands likely wasn't the only weapon he'd had on him, and he obviously wasn't the only soldier their organization employed-  _I don't think I'd make it very far if I did try to leave._

With a twist of her key, Hanji releases my right wrist from its cuff and I automatically being alternating flexing my hand and curling it into a fist, trying not to make it apparent that I was looking at the red mark left on my skin. After a beat, I turned my attention to the food in front of me. I wasn't exactly hungry per se, since the IV in my left arm was still providing my body with nutrients and other necessities, but as the scent of it wafted up and hit me, my tongue instantly grew thick with saliva. I almost didn't even bother with the fork that lay across the plate; but at the last second, I remembered basic decorum and used the utensil to shove sustenance in my face. The paper cup of water perched in the corner of the plate didn't last long as I shoveled food into my mouth like I'd never eaten in my life. Maybe I hadn't. Hell if I knew.

After a few moments of quiet save for my loud, incessant chewing, I slow down to catch my breath. The smaller pieces required more attention, having to be scooped up and balanced on my fork in order for them to actually make it between my jaws. Half of it usually tumbled back down onto the platter, which was better than the hospital gown I wore. Absently, I glance over at the others' plates, and notice a curious difference. My food had consisted of slices of ham, pulled pork and a large pile of chicken meat cut into bite-sized cubes, while their meals were made up of a barbecue sandwich with corn on the cob, green beans, and mashed potatoes on the side. Theirs were exactly the same, and as I chewed, I wondered why mine was different.

Hanji must have seen my perplexed expression, because she quickly swallowed the last of her sandwich and addressed me, "You won't like it."

"Why not?" I paused to down the food in my mouth. "And why does my opinion matter? Isn't the "always eat a balanced diet speech" a rite of passage for doctors?" I practically inhale a hefty forkful of chicken after voicing my question, savoring the taste as it trailed down my throat. For hospital food, this stuff was good; though I didn't really have anything tangible to compare it to.

"You're just a little bit different than an everyday patient, Eren. Meat is the best thing for you, since your shifted shape is strictly a carnivore. You can live off of omnivorous foods, as long as you consume them in human form, but a vegan or even vegetarian diet would have serious side effects on your health if practiced over a long period of time." Hanji stops eating entirely in order to explain, motioning with her hands as she did so. Her eyes brightened with the light of a person talking about something they adore and I would have found the expression kind of cool, if the topic she loved wasn't about me. "The IV we have you on is highly concentrated with protein and other compounds found in animal meat- and you'll be needing a lot more than what's just on your plate once we take you off of it. Even in one sitting. 

"In order to shift, your body needs a lot of energy. That should come as obvious, but lots of energy means you need lots of fuel. You could probably consume up to four thousand calories on a day without physical activity and only just feel full, and down over six thousand under strenuous conditions to make up for what you burn. For reference, the average person consumes around two thousand calories per day with a bit of exercise. That's a big difference in diet, considering you could eat pure protein. The good news is, you can hunt and eat raw meat when shifted, and that makes rationing food a lot easier when you're out on a mission in the field. Because then we can focus our resources on the humans while the dragons take care of themselves. It's when we visit areas with scarce wildlife that-"

"Whoa whoa whoa hold on." Up until the last few sentences of Hanji's spiel, I had been steadily working through the remaining few slices of ham I'd had left on my plate. My head spins a bit with all the information she was shoving at me, but one thing sticks out blatantly and causes my fork to abruptly drop down to my platter. I level my best glare at Erwin, accusation dripping from my tone. "You guys have dragons too? You've been experimenting on people?" 

To my chagrin, the blonde and his stupid eyebrows are completely unfazed by my hostility, and he simply states: "Not exactly." 

The commander calmly finishes the food that was in his mouth before looking back up at me. "You recall how I mentioned that the Survey Corp rescues the experiments we find in the labs we take over, correct?" At my curt nod, he continues, "Well, that operation doubles as stealing the Titan's own weapons to use against them. You are not the first dragon shifter we have recovered from the Titans, though you are one of the few that is sentient enough to offer a chance at vengeance for your mistreatment. Most experiments we retrieve are either too tortured to be considered sane, are physically incapable, or have some other circumstance that lands them in an institution for their own safety. We have had to humanely euthanize experiments before because they'd gone insane, and would only become docile under heavy sedatives that essentially turned them into vegetables. Or they were already vegetables when we retrieved them. Each case is different, and we try to give everyone an equal chance at deciding if they want to fight against the terrorists that abused them, or return to civilian life. The more I speak with you, despite your amnesia, the more I view you as an asset to our cause. It is entirely up to you on whether or not you'd like to stay, however we haven't been denied an offer yet."

"So I go from one side that uses me to another that wants to do the same? You probably think you're generous in giving me a choice in the matter."  The food practically forgotten, my fists tremble from my grip on my fork. I couldn't believe I'd started to trust them, and I silently berate myself for falling for it so easily. Their supply of information had blurred out their true intentions: They wanted to turn me into a puppet too. But like hell I was going to let them do that, not without a fight.

"Not generous. Just morally right." His wide shoulders give a little shrug as he focuses his gaze onto me, making me feel like he can see right through my eyes into the thoughts behind them. I grit my teeth as he continues. "However, think about this before you reject my offer. Do you really think you're capable of leading a normal life as you are right now?"

My snarky reply dies in my throat.

"The little information we'd recovered about you told us nothing of your hometown, how old you were when you were captured, if you'd had any living relatives at the time or if you still do today. And even if your amnesia recovers to the extent that you remember your old life, the memories of being experimented on will more than likely resurface as well." Erwin pauses, his brows furrowing as though he didn't want to tell me this. "The experiments weren't pretty, Eren. And we were only able to get our hands on so much information. The Titans started destroying everything on site once our infiltration of your facility went into full swing. From their perspective, it was the logical thing to do, and they managed it relatively well."

"We don't know about every trial your body and mind has undergone," the female scientist chimes in, "Nor what effect it could have on your mental stability once you can recall them yourself. Your safety, and that of others', is best with us if those memories start coming back." Hanji's voice is equally as grave as Erwin's as she chimes in, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "As Erwin said, many people have gone insane, and can't cope without therapeutic or medicinal intervention."

"Additionally, if you do decide to go, we cannot protect you like we can if you're already among our ranks." The commander continues, bringing another thing I hadn't considered to light. "Resources are tight for all sectors of the military, but The Survey Corp in particular has a significantly higher casualty rate due to our purpose as a frontier against the Titans, and that means we can't spare soldiers. The most we can do is place you on military base housing, but our forces cannot afford providing you around the clock supervision. It's likely that the Titans will always be after you because you are a very valuable pool of information that would further their research. We frequently have to fend them off of stealing back the shifters that have joined us. 

"Also, whether you believe it or not, your body is more than capable of turning into a lethal biological weapon. Taking into account your lack of memories, you likely won't know how to control or stop it once it happens, if you ever knew how to control your shifted form; and the triggers are a bit different for each person we've come across. You'd be basically completely on your own, and it could happen at any time."

A lump formed in my throat. _I could turn into a monster at the drop of a hat? What if I hurt people, or murder them? How could they just let me loose like that, when there's a chance I could slaughter hundreds of people without meaning to? What would happen to me then? Would they kill me? Then what was the point in the first place? This doesn't make any sense..._

"There's so much risk to letting me go though... What if I go crazy and take out an entire town?" I voice my concerns with an expression filled with perplexity, while anxiety gnaws at the suddenly uncomfortable fullness of my stomach. I instantly regret having eaten so fast and push away the unappetizing scraps left on my plate.

"We cross that bridge when it comes to us. There's a possibility that you'll never regain your memories, and never trigger a shift on accident. It's very slim, but due to that chance and in order to comply with basic human rights laws, we have to give you an option. You will be treated like a human being, seeing as you still are one." A small, pitying smile flickers across Erwin's maw as he adds, "Even if you might not feel like it at times."

I knew exactly what he was getting at; since I was kind of feeling that way right this moment. I wasn't human, I was a monster. Normal people couldn't blow up twice their size and then be capable of destroying a city in the span of a few minutes. Granted, I had no idea if my abilities were truly quite that extreme, but the prospect of killing even one innocent person, or leveling their house and ruining their life made me hope I never changed into that creature for the rest of my life. If what Hanji and Erwin said is true though, no matter how against it I am, I might shift anyways.

But also according the them, if I stayed with the Survey Corps they'd help me learn to control it and deal with my memories if they started to drive me up a wall. Erwin said that I wasn't the first dragon shifter they'd recovered, and none of them had refused... so how many more of my kind had aligned with them? Surely they would have gone through similar experiences, and if all of them had decided to stay, then the wisest choice would be to follow suit right? This was assuming the tall blonde male had been telling the truth; and as much as I didn't want to trust him nor his researcher friend, I couldn't help but believe their words. I simply a gut feeling that they were being sincere, and right now, intuition was all I had to lean on.

_There's still so much I don't know. I can't live on my own, and I'm not stupid enough to kid myself into thinking I could. I need to figure out exactly what had been done to me, and exactly what this whole world war thing is. If it's true that those assholes experimented on me and took my memories, then I'd be happy to help tear them down in the process._

My worry and disgust for my own ability had slowly twisted into anger as I mulled over all I'd been told. I wouldn't even be in this situation if it weren't for the Titans, and the unfairness of it all threatened to choke me with rage. I could feel my hands shake with the barely restrained emotion as I lifted my gaze first to Hanji and then Erwin.

"I'll join you. I'll help you kill every one of those Titan bastards."

The corners of Erwin's lips quirk up into a crooked sort of half smile as he stands and approaches my bed. He offers his hand for me to shake, "Welcome to the Scouting Legion, Trainee Eren Jaeger."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Hope you liked this chapter. Only one more to go that's a bit explanation-heavy, and I promise Levi's coming in soon for those of you wondering where the heck he is. I'm trying not to rush things too much, but I also don't want to bore you guys with so much exposition. Sorry, there's just so much that needs to be covered >.


	4. Bonding

The low thrum of the plane's engine vibrated up from the floor, through the soles of my shoes, and added to the nervous tremors that instinctively bounced my knees up and down. It was a constant buzzing noise than both calmed my frayed nerves and also threatened to drive me insane. At the moment, I couldn't really tell the difference. 

My eyes locked onto a small child sitting three rows in front of me, just barely visible through the space between the seats. Its chubby little fist clutched at its mother's hair as it shoved a brightly colored sucker into its mouth, mumbling something unintelligible around the stick of candy. Next, I watched a middle-aged man heft a large suitcase into the overhead compartment, earning more than a few annoyed glances from the persons waiting on him as he struggled with shoving his luggage into the small space. He was dressed in a crisp suit that would have looked extremely professional had his tie not been loose and the white button up decorated with wrinkles. One of the people behind the man was an elderly lady escorted by who I assumed to be her daughter, a cane held in her right hand and her left toting a large purse. Her steps were a bit shaky, but she smiled warmly at the passengers around her, seeming to decline offers to help with her bag. 

All around me sat men and women of all ages, all going about their daily lives, whether that be a business trip, visiting family or going on vacation. They were trying to live like everything was normal while a war was going on just outside their own little worlds- but none of them could ever guess that their flight might suddenly explode because a certain someone couldn't keep themselves from bursting into a dragon three times their size.

_Right... I'm not supposed to be thinking about that._

It was kind of ironic how horrified I was to fly.

Only a week had passed since I'd decided to join the Survey Corps, and in that span of time Erwin and Hanji had drilled into my head techniques on how to stay calm in strained situations.

"Anger, stress, fear, and feeling like you're being threatened are the most common emotions that lead to an accidental shift." The brunette scientist had explained to me a few days prior, "Other, random triggers might show up without warning, but if you ever feel uncomfortable, or your body unexpectedly starts to get extremely warm followed by waves of chills, these little tricks can help you stay in control until you can notify either me or Armin, as we'll both have the means to handle it."

Right now, looking around at all the people just trying to get from point A to point B, I employed these methods in order to prevent myself from sending them to an early grave. I averted my gaze to a small nail in the pane of the window, focusing on it like it was the most interesting thing in the world and tried to think about my multiplication tables from one through twelve. In my lap, my right hand pinched the space between my left's thumb and index finger, massaging at the fleshy tissue in kneading, slow circles until my heart rate returned to what was considered normal for a dragon shifter. 

As the plane jolted into motion beneath me, I thought about some of the other things Hanji'd told me over the past few days. Specifically about a shifter's anatomy. Apparently a large, carnivorous diet wasn't the only strange thing that came along with my ability.

Firstly, my heart beats at a rate that's almost two times faster than the average person's pulse when awake, but then it flips to being three times slower when asleep. The researcher had admitted that she didn't yet know exactly why its pace reduced so much since shifters didn't have to hibernate or anything like that, but she believed it had to do with the biological need to be able to sleep in high altitude, low-oxygen areas while in my human state because my shifted form could transport me to such environments. This unusual heart rate, paired with my abnormally thick blood was partially to blame for my high maintenance diet, since it took a lot more effort to push the plasma and cells through my veins so fast.

A lot of my body was denser than it should be. My bones were thicker and more durable, and my muscles were more tightly wound, making my weight much heavier than it appears to be. Hanji'd told me that I'd gained some needed mass in the days they'd helped me recuperate, for I used to weigh 54 kilograms and seemed much thinner than that . Now I look to be around 63 kilograms, but the scale told of my true 81 kilos. Anatomically, I shouldn't be able to stand or even move. The brown-eyed researcher's theory was that, in order to lessen how much material my ability has to create "out of thin air," my body condenses it as much as possible, and it just expands to fill my shifted form. As far as where all the extra comes from that allows me to more than triple my size, she still has no idea. 

The sudden acceleration of the plane yanks my optics away from the pane of the window and instead I peer out of it, watching as the world starts to whip past us. In the distance I could see other flying machines taxi-ing and waiting their turn to take flight, and from so far away, their ground crews looked like scurrying little ants just below the wide metal bellies. The seat lurched beneath me as the wheels to my own plane left the earth, and the ground began to fall away. I tried to feel the pressure that would have built in my ears had I been human, but Hanji'd already told me that it likely wouldn't happen- my body was built for drastic altitude changes. Still, I searched internally for that sensation, partially hoping it would suddenly pop up.

In all honesty, I don't think I'll believe I can fly until it actually happens. In tangible memory at least, I still haven't shifted yet.

As the machine crawled higher and higher into the air, I allowed my thoughts to wander towards something else Hanji and Erwin had told me of. Something I usually tried not to think about as much as possible.

Bonding.

"Bonding is a ritual that intertwines the fates of a dragon shifter and a human, as cliched and corny as that sounds." Hani's voice still rings loud and clear in my head. "Militarily speaking, it's a huge advantage in combat. When a bonded pair fights in close proximity to each other, they're physically stronger and faster, and make split second decisions with more accuracy. For the shifter, you already have those heightened abilities inherently, but being with your bond sends them into over drive, and allows you to stay in your shifted form for longer without having to feed to refuel. Both parties' healing rates increase exponentially, and this is probably one of the most important aspects of the bond, for one of you could be within an inch of your life -barely holding on- and come back within a few months. With medical intervention and frequent contact with the bond, that time can be reduced to a few days."

"However," The scientist was quick to add, with a grave, regretful lilt to her tone, "As with all great things, there comes a bit of a catch."

_If one side of the bond dies, so does the other._

At first, when Erwin informed me that I'd have to be bonded and that they'd had a particular person in mind, I was pissed. Like hell I was going to just place my life into some stranger's hands, when just one slip up on their end of the line could ruin everything for me. Granted, I'm unaware of my past actions, but I don't consider myself too selfish of a person; but I wasn't going to trust someone I'd never met with my existence, and nobody was going to force me to do it. What if I ended up hating the person with every fiber of my being? The way Hanji described it, we'd be together all day everyday. That sounded like literal hell on Earth to me if my bond and I were to despise each other.

However, the commander had patiently explained that I couldn't be bonded to just anyone. We had to be innately compatible. Or as Hanji puts it, "destined to be." 

There was a physical test that could be conducted to determine if my biological components would coincide smoothly with another persons, and that was why Hanji was accompanying me to Texas. She was one of the few people who knew how to perform the task, as apparently it wasn't quite as simple as comparing DNA samples or blood tests. Otherwise, she would have stayed with Erwin in order to look over some of the other research subjects they'd acquired from my previous laboratory. I was the only dragon shifter that could actually change into the monstrous form, but information was still to be gleaned from the less fortunate trials. Both the commander and scientist had politely offered to let me see some of them before I left, but I'd declined. The thought that I was lucky- me, with about a drop's worth of memory and a cursed situation of constant fear of turning into a monster, was much better off- it was already enough to keep me up at night. I didn't need the hard evidence to escort me into my night time journeys.

I shook my head to clear it of those particular thoughts. They'd only stress me out further, and the plane was in the air now so I couldn't risk shifting. Instead, my mind wandered back to the previous subject.

_Levi Ackerman._

My potential bond was to be the leader of the Survey Corps Special Operations Squad. I had no idea what he looked like, and only knew the few things the doctor and commander had told me. Because of confidentiality, they didn't carry around his nor any of the squad's details for fear of it falling into the wrong hands. However, when I calmed down enough from my tantrum about having a bond in and of itself in order to ask about him, they'd only given me the barest tidbits of information about his personal information; and so I asked why him specifically.

"We want him bonded to you for a multitude of reasons; his squad is one of our primary forces when undergoing attacks and takes some of the highest risks in order to accomplish our goals. In fact, they were present during the infiltration of the facility we retrieved you from, and had they not been there, we likely would not have succeeded. The Special Ops squad is extremely important, and we need it to be a strong as it can be. If you are not compatible with Corporal Ackerman himself, then you will be tested with other members of the team before moving on to other soldiers. Ackerman will take priority though; a recent scare with him specifically has pushed us into searching for a shifter to bond him with, as he is the strongest soldier among our ranks. We would like to keep him."

_I'm being paired with the strongest soldier in the Survey Corps? Damn... talk about pressure. I wonder what he's like. Dr Crazy and Eyebrows hardly told me anything, and if he's some stuck up prick due to his position, then I'm-_

A light tap on my knee interrupts my thoughts and reveries, and I glance up to meet the gaze of a pair of clear blue irises.

Armin was also tagging along with the older scientist and I to Texas. Hanji had said that he needed to experience a shift in person at the stage in study he was at anyways, and she was considering allowing him to stay at the base as her fill-in head researcher while she traveled throughout the continent to catch up and inspect the other Scouting Legion stations that housed experiments. She'd told me that there were many bases that dotted North America and due to the US funneling much of their military into the United Nation's forces, many of the stations had remained ours despite attacks by the Titan's experiments. Including the base we had previously been at, the military was able to create some new ones as well but they were kind of just thrown together- which explained the shoddiness of my former hospital room. 

Evidently the site we were currently heading to was the main headquarters of the United States' branch of the Survey Corp. It was the largest base geographically and all enlisted trainees were sent there for basic training before continuing on to other duties. I would have been funneled into the next flight of cadets being sent there anyways; however, the main reason as to why the three of us were going to this base is because Levi's Special Ops Squad was there. They were currently recovering from the rescue mission that'd brought me under the Scouting Legion's wing in the first place.

I was glad the golden-haired male was accompanying Hanji and I; he was easily my most-liked person of the few I'd met while being confined to the makeshift clinical room. The doctor and commander were fine enough, but had their own aspects that never failed to make me uncomfortable, especially since I didn't really trust them all that much still. The occasional nurse that brought me heaping plates of meat during meals or stopped by to check on me were okay as well, but they couldn't loiter and make conversation. Armin on the other hand seemed to like visiting me when he had free time, and I wasn't sure if he had a genuine interest in getting to know me, or if he was scientifically inclined to investigate more, but frankly I got so bored sometimes that I didn't really care about his motives. At least he tried to answer my questions.

My first inquiry had been about that first day in regards to the video we'd watched. He'd admitted that he had seen it a few days before and that at first he was scared of me. I couldn't blame him on that one though, I would have been cautious towards a creature like that too. But when he realized that I wasn't going to spontaneously explode into a dragon, and that I was actually pretty normal, his curiosity was the biggest drive in his mind. He said he wanted to observe me, but wasn't going to ask any strange or disorienting questions as he knew that I had hardly any memories anyways, and he didn't want a repeat of what had happened the first day too. For this I was infinitely grateful.

He'd told me that according to what they'd found I was 19 -the same age as him- but that was about all of the personal information that they could scavenge other than the experimental data, that he wasn't allowed to show me that on his own. Part of me hadn't wanted to see it anyways, though. Images from that video were still burned into my mind in a surreal, sort of detached light. Even now, when it's had plenty of time to sink in, I couldn't associate the person and thing on the screen as really me. Sometimes, especially when I was alone, I'd get so wrapped up in thinking about it, that I'd zone out and not even notice people entering and exiting my room. After confiding in the blonde male that I disliked that sensation, he'd kindly tried to come more often and distract me with other things to think about. He'd tell me about his studies, the various schools he'd attended, and how he'd fast tracked like crazy in order to get to train as a researcher as quickly as possible. 

It was a bit out of luck that he'd been placed under Hanji herself, he'd admitted though, because it would have realistically taken him a lot longer to move up in rank the proper way. However, while walking one day in order to clear his head after a lengthy exam at his university, he'd stumbled across the corpse of one of the Titan's smaller dragons- literally, he'd tripped over its long black tail after having mistaken it for a tree root. The creature looked like it was half-eaten by decay and was long-since dead, so he did the only thing he could do- he contacted the military and they showed up at the scene. It was highly unusual for a deadly creature to be found in a civilian area, and his campus and surrounding town was immediately put into a semi-quarantine, where people were background checked and interrogated for fear of somebody harboring a terrorist or being a spy themselves.

Armin was not spared the investigation and questioning either, and though he hadn't known that at the time, Doctor Hanji Zoe conducted his interrogation herself because of his direct involvement with finding the experiment. Though no one was apprehended, and no evidence was found that terrorism was present or a threat at the university, Hanji had further delved into Armin's background specifically. Apparently she'd liked what she saw in his academic records and inquiry, and the next day, he was basically offered a job as her apprentice for his astounding potential. He'd been following her around to various bases ever since, and the only thing different about this trip was that there was a possibility he'd be staying at it without her.

These were the thoughts that ran through my head during the split second that I blinked in response to the soft nudge from the training researcher, who motioned with his chin to Hanji, who'd obviously wanted my attention in the first place. The brunette in question leans over Armin's lap in order to grin maniacally at me. 

"Are you excited Eren? Only a few more hours until you begin training and are paired with a bond!" Doctor Zoe was dressed in civilian clothes for the flight, and after only seeing her in bright-colored scrubs all the time, the simple coffee brown pencil skirt, charcoal flats, and loose white blouse looked out of place on her, especially with her legs crossed and hands folded neatly on them like a lady. "Oh I can't wait to see what you look like shifted in person. Those dingy videos hardly reveal anything, and you were so undernourished, it showed in your dragon form."

"You know, as much as I'm aware that you love talking about me, you might want to lower your voice? Isn't it top secret or something?" My knees, which I had managed to still in the distraction of my musings, once again started to shake with nerves; I couldn't stifle the slight annoyance that laced my tone at her words. Honestly I wasn't meaning to be rude, but having everybody on the plane stare at me like I was some sort of genetic freak wasn't something I was looking for. I mean technically I was, but still.

Like Hanji, I was also dressed in normal clothing. I'd been given the outfit a few days after I'd woken up, since walking around in  just a hospital gown was just a bit indecent. My attire consisted of a thin grey pullover hoodie, black running shoes, and a pair of jeans. 

"You need to get that stick out of your ass, Mr. Grumpypants." Hanji simply rolls her eyes at me. Admittedly, nobody was paying us any attention. We were about as interesting as the woman's voice that droned out over the speakers to welcome us all aboard the flight- they could have put it to a little tune and shot the words out in fireworks, and I still wouldn't have listened to her. 

"He's probably just nervous, Dr. Zoe. There's a lot more people here than you're used to, right?" The blonde's cobalt gaze shifted between Hanji and I, having been cursed with the center seat. Like me he donned jeans, but they were paired with a v-neck green tee and well-worn white sneakers. His hair was pulled back into a messy short ponytail that made him look a bit older than 19.

"Going from a max of three bodies around me at one time to the sixty or so people here, yeah I'd say so." I grumble the words under my breath, crossing my arms over my chest childishly. I didn't really care about my actions at the moment, I just wanted to get off of this god forsaken plane so I can stop worrying about killing so many humans at once. Regret did make my stomach tighten a little; I hadn't meant to snap at Armin. But judging by the sympathetic glance he casts my way, he thankfully didn't take it too personally.

"Calm down, Eren." Hanji's unusually serious tone draws my attention back to her. Serious as in to say, she's merely smiling at me with relaxed posture, rather than looking like a grinning ball of energy. "If anything happens, both Armin and I have an injection just seconds away, and if it comes to that you won't be able to shift for a few hours; plenty long for the rest of the plane ride."

Before we'd gone through security at the entrance of the airport, Hanji had shown me a small plastic case with the symbols 43TCX printed across it. We'd had to go through extra security to get it authorized to go on the plane, but after speaking with the airline's manager and showing her ID, they approved of her and Armin's carry-on baggage. She told me that inside of the case there was a syringe with an injection that could hinder my ability to transform for up to eight hours. It was a simpler version of the one they'd given me via my IV a couple days ago, which was designed to keep me from shifting for a few days at a time. According to Hanji, that serum had long since worn off. But when I asked her why she didn't just give me the smaller injection before the plane ride as a precaution, she'd shook her head. The few differing compounds in the separate serums evidently didn't play too nicely together, and could result in extremely painful internal bleeding and muscle convulsions; even if the previous one didn't have a visible effect on me, lingering traces might still be in my system, so the eight-hour injection was more of a last resort sort of thing.

I shake my head after a beat, feeling a headache coming on. Despite the risk, part of me wanted Hanji or Armin to go ahead and administer the drug already, just so that the knot that was slowly forming in my stomach would lose the teeth it was using to gnaw at my insides. I searched my brain for a change of subject, and another recent topic I'd been pondering pops back into the forefront of my consciousness.

"I wish you'd tell me more about this Ackerman guy. You're sending me in completely blind, and while there isn't that much to know about me, I doubt he didn't look into it before he left the medical base. Relatively, he probably knows everything about me." I look at Doctor Zoe pleadingly, exasperation tinging my tone. 

"He doesn't know how hard-headed you are, that's for sure." Hanji's tone has a teasing lilt to it and I narrow my eyes at a traitorous Armin for softly chuckling at her words. She adds on, "But I can't tell you anything else, as much as I have to tell. I do know the Corporal personally, but its not a good idea to supply you abstract information, as  it could skew the results of the test. I'm sorry, Eren, but that takes priority." She did seem apologetic too, her eyebrows pulling together in concern when I grimaced at her answer. But her empathy meant very little to me right now. Surely she of all people would understand how agonizing it is not to know? I felt so unprepared and had absolutely nothing to go off of. I wanted to shake the information out of her, but resigned myself with a heavy sigh and averted my gaze.

That note pretty much ended the conversation it seemed, as an abrupt quiet fell over our row. In fact, the whole plane had grown hushed as the trip got underway and the reality of having to sit in one spot for hours on end sunk in. Some people settled in with pillows and throws in order to sleep through the ride, while others pulled out silent things to entertain themselves in order to not disturb the former category of people. It was still morning, judging by where the sun sat just peeking out from below the clouds, so I could understand how slumber would be a nice way to pass the time; but I was afraid my nerves would keep me awake and anxious for the entire voyage.

For a few moments, I sat still and listened to the various noises being made around me, trying not to think of them as being made by living breathing people in an attempt to help calm myself. But it didn't prove to be as effective as I wanted it to be. Glancing over, I saw Hanji pull out a well-worn notebook and begin to scribble, her handwriting matching the illegible marks that already decorated the pages extensively. I was instantly curious about what she was writing, but didn't ask for I assumed the answer would be "no."

"Do you want to read with me?" Armin tilts his head at me as I shift my eyes over to him. He'd pulled out a thick chapter book with a picture of a wilted flower on the front and a title that read, _As Time Passes._ It looked interesting enough. I nodded my head and leaned closer to him as he let the cover fall open to the first page. 

It didn't take long for me to realize that this arrangement wouldn't work. The blonde proved to be a much faster reader than I was- which was to be expected given his academic history and my distinct lack thereof- but the difference was especially  prominent when I'd be halfway through a page and he'd already be fiddling with the corners for lack of something to do. Even though he would patiently wait until I was done, after the first chapter I just pretended that I'd finished at the same time as him. I'd only just learned about some main character named Aisha being propositioned into some sort of job when I stopped reading the text entirely and simply stared at the letters as the pages flipped in Armin's hands.

He was trying to be nice, and I was grateful for his actions, but it was as I'd suspected from the very beginning. It was going to be a long plane ride.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys so, sorry for this being another explanation-heavy chapter. I was going to have Levi introduced and some more interesting things happen already, but my chapters are much longer than I like them to be in the first place, and this was the best spot to break it. I promise that our grumpy little corporal will appear in the next chapter though.  
> I would like to state that I went back and did some editing on chapters I'd already posted. Nothing major, mostly just certain words and syntaxes, but I did take out the twoish paragraphs in the second chapter where Eren remembers a bit about his experiments; I've decided to incorporate that later. If you're reading this as of 7/28/16 or later, you are all caught up so don't worry about it ^^  
> As always, please let me know what you think! Comments keep me writing and I love hearing anything from compliments to criticism. Also, big thanks for the kudos, bookmarks and subscriptions I've received on this work, I appreciate every one cx  
> Til next time!


	5. Test

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'd like to first and foremost apologize for the extremely long wait on this chapter. The full explanation will be contained in the after-chapter notes, but I wanted to say sorry upfront, as two months is an obscenely long time. I hope this piece makes up for it though, as this chapter is a mammoth- the longest I've written like ever. And we get to finally meet Levi ^^ Enjoy!

“Wait, we just got here. You’re going to have me take the test _now?”_ Despite my efforts, I can't keep the note of panic that laces my tone out of my voice. Reaching a hand up, I tug at the collar of the hoodie I'd worn on the plane, suddenly feeling like it was choking me.

“The serum works better on minds that are unusually vulnerable.” As she speaks, Hanji’s tongue clicks against the roof of her mouth -just as smartly as her heels do against the tiled floor underfoot. She was leading Armin and I down a plain, white-walled hallway that lacked any real decorations save for the name plaques entitling the rooms we passed. The atmosphere was almost sterile, and I could detect the faded scent of cleaning ammonia lingering in the air. “If anything, a little bit of jet lag will only help the results in accuracy. We may have to resort to more extreme means if your mind proves to be too guarded- and it very well could be given your abnormally severe condition of amnesia. However, and preferably, it could work in your favor. The test might even return some memories to your possession.”

I huff disagreeably in reply.

“Plus, Captain Ackerman requested to have the procedure done as soon as possible.” Armin’s voice chimes in from my left, his bright blue gaze meeting mine with a tinge of sympathy swimming in its depths. “The Special Ops Squad leader doesn’t take kindly to having his missions delayed; I remember Commander Erwin mentioning that he had quite a bit of trouble convincing the Corporal to step away from the field in order to wait for this opportunity with you.”

“He sounds like some stuck-up prick that eats, sleeps and breathes his job.” I mutter the words under my breath, shoving my hands deep into the pockets of my hoodie and ducking my head in order to scowl at the ground. We hadn’t even been at the Scouting Legion’s military base for a full hour and I was already regretting coming in the first place. However, I felt as though my bad attitude was justified- I had to cope with the slowly gnawing feeling of apprehension in my gut somehow.

In retrospect, the plane ride here was mercifully uneventful. Somehow I'd managed to fall asleep after an hour or so of listlessly staring at Armin's book over his shoulder, and my dreams had been a peaceful expanse of black nothingness; at least from what I could remember. When my blonde companion had awoken me before our descent, he told me I'd twitched a lot- as though I were dreaming- but was otherwise quiet.

Claustrophobia had once again twisted my stomach into sailor's knots as we navigated the bustling air terminal. I'd hurdled over people's bags multiple times, and useless mutterings of apologies had been tossed my way after clipping shoulders and bumping torsos with complete strangers. Hanji and Armin, both of whom were obviously used to traveling, took it all in stride as though the bodies around them hardly existed, and I'd had to scramble to keep up with them.

Once we made it to the exit of the airport, we were greeted with a sleek, ebony SUV provided by the military to escort us to the base. A uniformed man with pale skin and wide eyes rolled down his window in order to motion us in, Hanji taking shotgun and Armin and I occupying the back.

The ride had been quick and filled with chatter mainly between the doctor and driver- purposed to catch Hanji up with the goings on at the base. The driver didn't report much, just summarizing the progression of new trainee squadrons- information the researcher didn't truthfully care about. Even if the male had missed her exaggerated eye roll because he was navigating, her uninterested tone of voice should have been plenty to go off of. Hanji was focused on experiments and shifters; not the most recent training technique for marching.

I'd eventually tuned the both of them out entirely and instead took to gazing through the car window. Other vehicles whipped past us along the high way, utilizing the multiple lanes that stretched out and went in different directions. It looked like we were in the middle of a city, with large buildings looming over parking lots and shopping centers clustered into little outlets, all interspersed with what I assumed to be chain restaurants. Far off in the distance towered the peaks of mountains, their outlines a bit fuzzy against the horizon's crystal clear blue sky. I found myself staring at them for the rest of the drive; only glancing away when we'd passed through the security gate to the Scouting Legion base.

The base itself seemed a lot more small-town than the city surrounding it, evident by the significantly larger amount of grass. Trees dotted the mediums between roads, and I could even spot a yellow or pink flower every once and a while. The buildings looked almost exactly the same- all single stories with beige walls and dark roofs and very few exceptions- I knew instantly that I'd get lost within minutes on my own. Groups of uniformed persons marching perfectly in sync were sprinkled here and there along the sides of the road as we passed, and it'd caused me to wonder if I'd have to go through the same training. For some reason, I didn't think the Scouting Legion's strongest soldier would take too kindly to returning to trainee routines, and aren't we supposed be bunk buddies for the rest of our lives?

The SUV had dropped us off at one of the carbon-copied buildings deep within the base, its entrance displaying “Scouting Legion Experimental Facility” in bold black letters. It sported a pair of double doors with opaque glass just below the sign, and had tall windows blocked by blinds every few meters. Pristinely trimmed bushes separated the panes, going all the way around the perimeter of the structure. Standing out front was another uniformed person, female this time, with jet-black hair tucked into a bun that was just shy of being immaculate.

She’d introduced herself as Sargent Ilse Langnar and after brief greetings instructed Armin and Hanji to leave their belongings in the escort vehicle; they’d be delivered to their quarters separately. I was left out of that command, seeing as the clothes on my back didn't even belong to me. I didn't have a bag to leave in the car. Doctor Zoe then thanked the military woman before sending her to find someone entitled First-Class Officer Ral and let her know of our arrival. One crisp salute later, the brown-eyed female had set off, leaving the three of us to stride into the building on our own.

We’d bypassed the lobby and receptions desk without a hitch, as the woman behind the desk obviously knew who her head researcher was, and this is where we find ourselves presently, with me voicing my disbelief that I was to be bonded so soon.

“Ah, here we are.” Hanji’s voice brings my attention fully back to the present, where we’d stopped in front of one of the many mocha-colored doors lining the hallway. It’s gold plate read: “Static Serum Testing Lab” with “Authorized Personnel Only” just beneath. The doctor pulled out a key and shoved it into the brass knob, the door's hinges then swinging silently inward to allow her access into the room.

I wasn’t sure exactly what I was expecting, but it certainly wasn’t the bland space that greeted me. In the center of the speckled-blue-tiled floor was a faux-wooden table in the shape of a half-circle, the flat side facing the entrance. Seven or so plastic chairs surrounded it, all kind of haphazardly facing whichever direction they pleased. There was a strange-looking box sat directly in the middle of the table, a pile of thin black wires sitting next to it. A stethoscope, blood pressure cuff, and tiny flashlight were set beside the box as well, but they were neatly arranged in rows. A tall locked cabinet was pushed against the wall to the left, its contents hidden behind gray metal, and it had a stack of folded fabric sitting on top of it. The walls were an egg-shell white made a shade harsher by the beaming overhead lights, and the lack of anything decorating the space made it seem all the more unwelcoming.

“Wonderful, they’ve already set up!” Doctor Zoe grins and skips into the room like its a candy store, smoothing down the sides of her blouse as she makes her way over to the other side of the table. Armin motions me in before him and I warily approach the other side, eyeing the black box as Hanji reaches forward and pulls it towards herself.

“What’s that?” I fail at keeping the suspicion out of my tone as I watch her flip the contraption open like a lunchbox, its contents kept mysterious to me due to its facing her. Her gaze flicks up towards me, the light glaring against her glasses as she hooks a foot around the nearest chair and drags it under herself.

“This is a machine that transmits and reads electrical signals from the brain and nervous system.” Sharp plinks echo out as she begins typing into what I assume to be a keyboard, her eyes shifting back to whatever she was doing. Without looking, she briefly points at the coils of wire beside the box and continues, “These are called electrodes; one set sends signals from the machine and the other set retrieves signals for the machine to read. It can be used to stimulate certain areas of the brain or simply to monitor activity, but in our case the machine will act as a middle man. We’ll be connecting the signals from your brain to the signals from the Captain’s.”

“So this is to see whether or not our brain waves play nicely.” I raise an eyebrow skeptically at her, and my expression elicits a short giggle from the doctor. She taps one last button with an air of finality, pushing herself away from the box in order to look at me fully.

“In layman’s terms, yes. But it’s a little more complicated in that we’ll have to monitor your other vitals at the same time, and forcibly activate areas of your brain that would usually be dormant under normal circumstances.” Her chair lets out a little squeak as she stands. “Using a serum I developed through information stolen from the Titans, and interconnected electrical signals from both brains, we’ll be creating a temporary bond between you and the Captain. From there, we usually find out pretty quickly as to whether or not a bond would work between two subjects.

“Armin, would you mind finding serum number 9014?” Hanji abruptly cuts off the trail of conversation, tossing a small silver key towards her apprentice. He catches it from where he’d been standing off to the side during our exchange and silently nods in acknowledgment of her request.

The doctor's sudden shift in topic gave me the impression that she didn't want to discuss it further, and the thought only made my tongue twitch in my mouth with unasked questions. I wanted to know how this all worked exactly; she'd been so vague about it all this time. Even Armin had refused to give me any details on any occasion I'd interrogated him about it. The lack of information only feeds this nervousy that won't seem to leave me alone. I let my shoulders slump forward, begrudgingly accepting my fate of being left in the dark.

The sound of the cabinet opening becomes the only noise to break the quiet that moves into the room. From around the blonde’s torso I can see shelves upon shelves of little rectangular boxes with tiny script labeling them, far too small for me to read. As he sets about finding the number the doctor told him, the head researcher returns to the flat side of the table, silently shooing me out of the way. I shuffle back towards the door and watch as she pulls two chairs together right in front of the table, both facing each other with a few feet between. Then she drags the transmitter to sit on the surface directly in between the two seats, its insides revealed to me now. It looked a bit like a computer built into a brief case, its screen just a blank black window with some sort of code across the top bar.

Hanji’s fiddling with the blood pressure cuff when a knock sounds at the door and the trainee from earlier pokes her head through the opening. The sound almost makes me jump and I roll my eyes at myself inwardly before peering curiously over at the newcomer.

“The Senior Officer Ral and Captain Ackerman sent me ahead to let you know they’re on their way.” Her voice is high-pitched and a bit breathless, as though she'd run all the way here. _Dang. Dedication._

“Wonderful, thank you. You’re dismissed.” The smile Hanji shoots toward the lower-ranking officer is an attempt to off-set the harsh connotation her words could have manifested in the woman; however she only nods curtly in response and offers another salute before turning on her heel. She's gone in a moment.

“Doctor Zoe.” Armin calls to get the researcher’s attention and inadvertently attracts mine as well. He holds a pair of inky cases in his palms.

“Perfect.” The doctor's trade mark grin radiates ever brighter as she takes the two items from Armin and sets one down on the left side of the transmitter. With a melodramatic wave of her free hand, she motions me into the chair to the right, and I reluctantly sink into it as she sets about opening the black rectangle containing the serum. I barely catch a glimpse of the glistening tip of the metal needle before she abruptly turns to face me. “Well! Let’s get started!”

“Wait- what?” My hand shoots out to grip the table, panic lacing my tone as the doctor suddenly reaches toward my neck. Something wet makes contact with my skin and I almost leap out of my chair at the sensation. After a moment I realize that it’s only an alcohol swab to disinfect the injection area, but its wet coolness makes goosebumps dart down my arms despite the jacket I don. I stare up at Hanji in confusion as she prepares the side of my neck for the inoculation, adding on, “But Captain Levi isn’t even here!”

"The serum takes a few minutes longer to kick into the shifter’s system in relation to the human’s due to the biological differences- density, remember?” The brunette shoots me a pointed look, as though I should have memorized her entire thesis on the topic by now. It takes everything in me not to scowl back at her, and if I failed at the effort, she didn’t acknowledge it. She tosses the used swab onto the table and slips a pair of gloves over her fingers. The snap of latex rings out and its scent makes my nose wrinkle in distaste. “Levi’s on his way and we don’t need to waste time with introductions. I’m deciding to humor his impatience for once.”

I frown at the grin that laces her maw, glancing over at Armin as the doctor picks up the syringe and takes off the protective cover. The researcher's assistant was standing beside the now-closed cabinet and tried to give me his best empathetic smile, but his critical, azure optics are focused on Hanji, soaking in everything she does in order to learn from observing. I roll my eyes at him. He's too much of a scientist for his own good.

“You’ll feel very dizzy and nauseous at first, okay? But the sensation should go away in a few minutes once the serum disperses into your blood stream.” Hanji takes hold of the side of my head, her rubbery grip gentle but firm as she speaks, and then a sharp prick makes the muscle in my neck twitch, just before the awful sensation of liquid being forced into my body makes an appearance. I want to shove Hanji and the syringe away from me but I force myself to be still, teeth gritted, fists clenched and all. Thankfully, it was over in a few seconds.

“There you go!” The doctor slaps the side of my knee, making me jolt pathetically as she removes and recaps the needle, placing it back inside its storage box. I shoot her a glare that she doesn’t see due to focusing on the medical material and roll my shoulders uncomfortably.

The change is almost instantaneous.

My hands immediately shoot up to grip at either side of my skull as the world suddenly tilts on its axis. Everything starts moving too slow and too fast at the same time, making my stomach lurch at the contradictory sensory information being provided to my brain. Hanji’s walking on the walls as she removes the discarded materials to the other side of the table. Armin’s concerned face looks way too big and then far too small as I vaguely hear him call my name. The doctor’s voice replies with something that I can’t decipher, because I’m too focused on the way my gut is roiling. I lean back in the chair, squeezing my eyes shut to block out the swirling of the room around me, and move my hands down to my abdomen.

It wasn’t exactly pain or agony, but it was a degree of discomfort that came so close to it that it might as well have been. Chills run up and down my spine. I hear Hanji’s voice again, this time nearer to me and she sounds confused.

 _Fuck, this is just dizzy to her? I’m dying, I must be_.

I peek my eyes open, trying to ignore the way my insides scream out in protest, as I want to ask the doctor what the hell she just did to me. I seek out her tall form, but the only thing I see is a snapshot of black and quicksilver blue, before I lose my lunch all over the floor.

_Wait, that’d be breakfast. I left my lunch on the plane... I wonder if it’s still there. Do they clean up after every-?_

“That’s fucking disgusting.” A harsh male voice interrupts my train of thought, and something about it is strangely recognizable. I couldn't be sure though, as its cadence was still a bit fuzzy- the spinning of my head was only now beginning to slow fraction by fraction. I surmise that vomiting must have been a catharsis for my body's reaction to the serum and I reach up to wipe at my bottom lip with the sleeve of my jacket. Even with my blurry vision, I'm a bit reviled by the yellow gooey substance the fabric comes away with.

“Armin, could you please go get some paper towels and spray? There’s a janitor’s closet at the end of the hall to the right.” Hanji speaks from somewhere to my direct left and I tilt my head towards her, turning it as far as it would go so as not to see my stomach bile decorating the tiles. The smell was already keeping my guts from calming as fast as my dizziness was receding.

“What happened, Eren? The dose wasn’t nearly high enough for that violent of a reaction. Did you eat something strange? Did I insert it in the wrong area?” The concern lacing her tone sounds peculiar- I don't think I've ever heard her talk like that before- but it makes me grateful as I slump back in my chair. So the doctor did have a sense of empathy. My head lolls to the side as she pokes and prods at the injection site, checking to see if the mistake was on her end.

“I didn’t eat at all... Except for... breakfast.” My reply is breathy as I admit this to her, my face scrunching up in distaste as I swallow to rid myself of the remnants of puke on my tongue.

“Then no wonder!” Her tone becomes severe as she smacks me lightly across the temple, eliciting a short grunt of protest from my lips. My sight remains fuzzy and unfocused as I wait for the world to stop moving completely, so I hear her move away from me rather than see it. She starts off into a spiel about how I should always eat despite nerves or other circumstances as I experimentally blink away the bleariness, keeping my optics straight forward so I don’t have to see her confusing hand gestures that constantly accompany her speeches. “You’re going to seriously damage your immune system...”

Only it’s not an empty room to greet my sight. There’s a uniformed man and woman now occupying the space before me, both of whom I haven’t met before. The female had strawberry auburn hair neatly tucked away into a knot at the back of her head, and her eyes were a clear amber that would have been warm had she not been staring at me so critically. The male’s hair was styled into a crisp undercut, the ebony of his hair contrasting starkly with the paleness of his skin. He was currently setting about removing his newly-vomit-decorated combat boots when he glances up at me, having felt my gaze on him.

My back goes rigid and my eyes widen in disbelief as I abruptly cut off whatever Hanji had been trying to lecture me about.

“You’ll be eating full meals from now on whether you want to or not or I’ll-”

“I remember you.”

Hanji’s mouth snaps shut audibly as she quickly glances between the second male and I. The ginger-haired woman does the same for a moment, surprise causing her eyebrows to arch into her forehead as her stare finally settles onto the black-haired man.

“Is that so?” His silvery eyes level on me, pinning me in place just like before as he finishes kicking off his shoes. He moves to take the seat across from me, taking care to not step in the puddle of vomit as he does so. It would have been a bit comical, seeing him barefoot save for the black socks, if my head wasn’t reeling from recognizing the man from my most distant memories. Shock doesn't even come close to describing it.

“You came into my room.” I provided, swallowing thickly. “You killed a person just outside the door and then knocked me out with some sort of gas canister.”

“I thought you said he had no memories of the facility?” The amber-eyed woman speaks up now, shooting a look towards Hanji. Her tone was a bit accusatory.

“Just that one.” I reply for the doctor, effectively cutting off whatever she'd been about to say. I only move my eyes away from the ravenette for a split second to deliver the answer before returning to gape at him.

There was no mistaking it. The hue of his irises matched the exact shade of the ones burned into my mind. There was the same slant to his eyes, the permanent narrowness that made it seem like he was constantly calculating, constantly seeing right through you- The two globes coexisted seamlessly with his angular face and sharp jawline. I allowed my gaze to soak in the slightly asymmetrical part to his hair and the way the strands of his ebony locks fell to curtain over either side of his head. I followed the line of his neck, noting the way it sloped into the collar of his uniform, where the rest of his figure was largely hidden underneath the fabric. It clicks then, that this must be Captain Levi Ackerman.

I would have thought I'd take comfort in recognizing somebody or something from the facility, even if it wasn't directly related to the Titans, but something about this man made me feel guarded instead. The prospect of him being my bond only furthered the feeling of discomfort that prodded at the back of my mind. Maybe it had to do with the fact that the longer I stared at his marble-like appearance, the more stony he became. His eyes were expressionless, their pooling depths cold and unreadable.

The awe in my expression slowly morphs into suspicion as I shift in my seat to sit just a few inches further away from the Corporal. His own countenance reveals nothing as he observes the change in my demeanor. The silence that stretches out into the room is almost suffocating, and I'm filled with the burning desire for him to say something- anything. But right as I'm about to explode from suspense, Armin appears in the doorway with paper towels and spray in hand, a janitor accompanying him.

I'd almost forgotten about the reek of my own stomach's former contents.

There are a few moments of commotion in which Levi and I scoot our chairs back and out of the way, while Hanji and the second woman move to help clean up my mess. The tension from moments before slowly dissipates, being driven out by the pungency of bleach, and I feel guilt begin to twist my stomach instead of the serum. However, all I could do was sit by and watch as once they finished, the janitor gathered all the soiled materials, including the Captain's boots, and took them to be thrown out. I tilted my head at the action, as the black-haired male made no objection to it.

"Hanji, let's get started. We need to finish this before his dose of the serum wears off.” The Captain’s voice is quiet but commanding as he speaks, his gaze no longer on me. I follow his eyes to the doctor, who looks like she wants to protest. Her mouth twitches into a frown as the lines in her forehead crease in uncertainty before she delivers a curt nod in affirmation.

“We’ll discuss Eren’s memory of you later," She states decisively. The brunette quickly steps forward, setting about unwrapping the syringe containing Levi’s ration and disinfecting his neck for the inoculation. I feel his optics return to me, but find myself unable to reciprocate the gaze this time, instead glancing over at Armin, who’d taken to standing next to the cabinet again. His azure irises were unreadable to me though as well, except this was due to the many expressions that swirled within them. I was hit with the assumption that he probably was dying to ask me about my memory of the Captain, and that notion fills me with disappointment. It was just another reminder that I was little more than a science experiment to most of the people present.

The room falls into a sort of awkward silence as I sulk and Hanji finishes delivering Levi the serum. His eyes flutter shut and a slight grimace flickers over his expression, but after a few moments he takes a deep breath, obviously letting the nauseous sensation roll through and out of him. The sight made me wonder if he’d had to undergo this test before, and if so how many times? Or perhaps the reaction usually looks like that from the outside and I really should have eaten beforehand? Why does food play such an important part in the process?

As I’m contemplating, Hanji sets about strapping the electrodes from the transmitter onto each of our bodies, one on the back of our necks right at the nape, and the other on the left side of our heads at the temple. The electrode is like a sticky circular pad with a piece of wire protruding from the center of it. It’s a bit uncomfortable, but not unbearably so.

“Alright. As soon as I turn on the transmitter the serum should start to take effect, and you two should be able to converse.” The brunette lets out a breath as she moves to stand directly between the Captain and I, her fingers hovering over the keyboard of the apparatus. She adds on, directing her words towards Levi: “Go easy on him, please.”

Before I can ask her what she means by that, she presses a key on the machine and my vision goes black.

Part of me realizes that I had simply closed my eyes- not that I’d suddenly gone blind or been knocked out, but I’m caught off-guard by the fact that I can’t open them either. It was like I'd lost motor control of my entire body, and I could barely feel any outside stimulus anymore, save for the distant sensation of my chair beneath me. There’s a strange tingling sensation at the back of my neck that continues to get stronger and more electric with each passing second, and I can only assume it's caused by the electrode and transmitter. It makes me wonder why I’m not receiving the same feeling from the electrode at my temple as well. After a moment though, I realize that I have far more important things to worry about.

**Can you hear me yet?**

The voice is quiet at first and muffled, but at the end of its inquiry it's much louder and has gained clarity. Bewilderment swirls around me because the tone suddenly sounds extremely familiar. But... it can’t be. It's impossible that I could hear something like that.

**Oi, brat. Answer me.**

I would have laughed out loud had I been able to, and I feel myself bordering on hysteria. The idea was insane, but those must be his thoughts. It was like he was actually talking: I could hear the different lilts and accents to his words, could identify the cadence even though it was majorly emotionless. I had a little speaker in my ear projecting his voice directly into my brain. So how come he can't hear my thoughts as well? Maybe I needed to try and project what I wanted to say towards him?

_Captain Levi?_

**That’s so stuffy. Levi is fine.**

I almost completely forget that I'm supposed to be suspicious of this man, my wonder and amazement of the connection between us overriding my initial distrust and apprehension. Curiosity rears its large head at the back of my subconscious, and I invite it to the forefront. 

_How come I’m able to hear your thoughts? These are your thoughts, right?_

**Yes. They are. It’s part of bonding. We’ll be able to do it without the serum as well if we become a bond- at least that’s what Dr. Crazy told me.**

I'm almost tempted to comment on how agreeable Levi's being in answering my questions. These are some of the most straight-forward answers I've gotten in a while, and he'd struck me as a very tight-lipped person. Perhaps he simply had no interest in playing mind games. Either way, I continue to jump on the opportunity for clear cut explanations.

_How come she didn’t tell me about this?_

**She makes it a habit to leave new shifters in the dark. Says it makes the experiments more reliable when you have no previous knowledge.**

Our telepathic conversation falls quiet as I mull over that information. It made sense, to a certain point; the method could be used to weed out predisposition bias.However, it also seemed a bit dangerous. What if one of her experiments went wrong because a new shifter accidentally transformed when they weren’t supposed to because it was frightening or stressful? Was the benefits and potential knowledge gained from going in blind more important than the safety of the experimenters and subjects themselves?

**You’re not usually prone to projectile vomiting, right?**

Levi’s thoughts interrupt my own, and confusion clouds my mind before I remember what had occurred only a few minutes before. Guilt once again makes my shoulders droop and I inwardly curse. I’d _just_ distracted myself from that.

_Not that I’m aware of. Amnesiac, remember?_

**Let’s hope not then. Otherwise you won’t last long out in the field.**

_I mean I don’t really have a choice, do I?_

**You can always call an out. But if you abandon us, we’ll leave you to your underdeveloped cousins.**

Something in his tone made a shiver run up my spine. I’d already gathered that this man wasn’t one to joke around simply for the sake of it, and the deadpan in his thoughts had only further cemented that notion in my head. I wasn’t even fully aware of the connotation associated with the flesh-eating dragons I was evolved from and they still made me nervous- especially when I was being threatened with them. His thoughts continue before I’m able to respond to the intimidation, and I’m taken aback by them.

**Either way you’ll be cleaning my boots for a month. Those were my favorite pair.**

_Wait, what? What do you-_

And just like that, the connection is severed. The prickling at the back of my neck cuts off abruptly and I'm shoved back into the consciousness of the room around me. I blink my eyes open in disorientation, like I’d been asleep and had forgotten that I’d fallen into slumber.

“What’s the bad news, Hanji?” I’m still trying to adjust my eyes to the brightness of the room once again as I hear Levi’s actual voice call out to the doctor. I roll my neck in a circle, ignoring the peculiar crinkling noise it elicits from the electrode being pinched between my head and spine.

“There is none.” I look at her as she replies, still standing between the Captain and I. She’s bent at the waist and typing rapidly into the transmitter.

“You’re a perfect match.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I started this fic in the summer, I had basically all the time in the world. With school though, and my idiotic idea that I could handle five AP classes like a breeze, I found that all that time had been reduced to zero. No, actually it's in the negatives, as regular sleep has become a thing of the past as well xD It doesn't exactly help that this is also the busiest time of the year when it comes to dance, and to wrap my situation up in a pretty bow, I'm also trying to apply to colleges. All in all, I haven't really had time to think about writing, let alone sit down to actually do it. However, ever since I started composing this fic again, my stress has been alleviating, and that indicates that I'm in dire need of a creative outlet that doesn't include writing essays for college or dancing myself into the ground. In other words, I'm hoping to start updating this fic more regularly.  
> I don't think I'll be able to handle a once a week schedule, but I'll try to post a new chapter at least once a month, that way I can read over them and put legitimate effort into this story. I hope those of you who were reading before haven't given up on me, and if you're new, welcome! I love getting new readers. As I'm trying to get back into the swing of things, the tone bweteen previous chapters and this one might be a little off, so I apologize for that and hopefully it doesn't confuse anyone. Please let me know if it does though!  
> As always, feel free to leave a comment; anything and everything is appreciated, as well as kudos and bookmarks. My day is made each time I get an email from Archive. Til next time!


	6. Preparation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Halloween!  
> I've got a monster of a chapter to give to you; it makes the last one look puny. I guess I should just give in to the fact that this fic's chapters are going to be at least 5,000 words each, since that seems to be where its heading. Welp, can't help where the break offs are.  
> Hope you guys like it!

The next two weeks were like literal hell for me -and I'm not referring to how ridiculously hot in Texas it was.

Firstly, I had expected for Levi and I to be bonded quickly, at most maybe a day or two after the test. Everything else about the whole ordeal had been so rushed, and the Captain so impatient, I'd half expected to be bonded right then and there. However, as soon as we'd been matched, both him and the woman, whose name I later found out to be Petra Ral, left to take care of "other business." And when I asked Hanji why we weren't moving on to the next step she said it was because I needed to be "processed."

What's "processing?"

Total bullshit is what it is.

Firstly, I had to get a physical. See, I'd thought that I was used to being poked and prodded at by now because Doctor Zoe had done it constantly while we were stationed in North Dakota, but on this occasion neither she nor Armin performed the check-up for me, and having a total stranger examine my body was like experiencing it for the first time all over again. The word "awkward" only barely encompasses how I felt, and it didn't help that the doctor seemingly had no clue what to make of my abnormalities. The bifocal-ed female's eyebrows had disappeared under her short, straw-colored bangs when she measured my weight, and I could tell she'd wanted to emergency call someone when she'd taken my blood pressure. It was painfully obvious that she'd only ever performed a check-up for a normal human being. But I assumed she'd been previously told to just go with it, because in the end she sent me away with little comment, if you don't count the hushed, exclamatory whispers to her nurse I'd caught upon exiting.

Processing apparently also included sticking me into the first available training squadron so that I could learn the foundations of marching and military conduct- exactly what I'd feared having to do when I'd arrived. I was given toiletries and a uniform by the end of the first day, along with a bed assignment among the other trainees; a pair of boots, new sneakers, and night clothes were distributed to me sometime during the second afternoon, and I was forced to turn in my "civilian belongings" at that time as well. All four pieces of clothing.

Introductions were made that first morning during a meeting my new squadron leader had called. I had to stand up front, state my name, and then watch as each person did the same from their spot in the room. It was the biggest waste of time really, because even now most of the forty names and faces of my fellow trainees swirl around disjointedly in my head; that first week they'd made no connection with each other whatsoever. I'd called someone named Taylor, Marina one time, and a Frederick, Layne; however all of the persons were relatively good-natured about my addition into the squadron. That is, nobody was outwardly friendly to me, but I wasn't shunned for forcing the group to go over how to march and respond to orders again.

Despite my lukewarm welcome, part of me wished there was someone who _was_ outwardly hateful, just so that I could have something to take my frustrations out on. Running around the track during PT was hardly enough to alleviate the stress that held me with a vice-like grip, and the prospect of getting into a fight had my palms twitching into fists. I was ticked. I didn't see Armin, Hanji, nor anyone else I knew even once throughout those two weeks, and after a couple days, it'd felt like they'd just plain forgotten about me.

Like, what the fuck? I've been shoved head-first into things as though they were of the utmost urgency the second I woke up, but as soon as what's needed is confirmed, I'm thrown on the back burner? This common theme of never being given any information was really starting to rub me the wrong way, especially since my days have been filled with screaming "Yes sir" at the top of my lungs and stepping in sync with other people for essentially no reason. Don't even get me started on the rules concerning our living spaces, because if I have to fold my bed one more time in order to get perfect hospital corners, I'm going to do myself a favor and blow my own head off.

I just wanted... I don't even know what I wanted. My head was and is still pathetically empty of any valuable information about my past, so I can't say that I missed someone and wished they were there. The only person I can think of who'd fall under that category is Armin. He's the closest thing I've had to a friend since waking up, but part of me didn't want him around because he'd likely start asking questions about bonding and how I felt towards Levi. One, I didn't want to think about that because it confuses me to no end, and two, it only served to remind me that I wasn't here because I wanted to be. I was here because I was valuable as a weapon to these people, and I personally had nowhere else to go. And if that isn't the definition of depressing, I don't know what is.

The morning of the day I'm finally brought back into the loop, I was sitting in the cafeteria with my squadron, with these exact thoughts running through my head- making the toast in my mouth taste like more like soap than it usually did.

"Connie! Come on, you never eat all of your potatoes anyway, let me have some!" Sasha, one of the few people whose name I've begun to remember, was sitting across from me, pleading with the male seated next to her with huge, chocolate, puppy-dog eyes. She was practically laying across his arm, gaze flicking between his countenance and plate every few seconds. Her uniform was a bit messy and her hair lacked the neat bun common among the female trainees in favor of a ponytail, but her lack luster appearance wasn't what caused me to recall her name so easily- it was her appetite.

"Mina already gave you all of hers!" The male on the receiving end of Sasha's groveling points a finger at the brunette, almost poking her in the nose with it, "You leave me and my potatoes alone!" Connie was another person I'd come to know a bit better than the rest, but frankly that was only because he seemed just as clueless as me in the squadron. As in, he's the only person our instructor yells at more than me. The shorter male's been here for weeks longer than I have though, so I figured it was probably due to the fact that he didn't catch onto things too quickly. His head was shaved into a typical military buzzcut even though it wasn't required of trainees, and he had hazel eyes that currently gleamed with mirth despite his angry words toward his companion.

I'm just about to push my plate, laden with potatoes I won't care to eat, towards Sasha, when a familiar voice makes me tense up in my seat.

"Eren! Is that grain?" Hanji's voice is shrill and scolding as her face suddenly appears within two inches of mine, nearly causing me to start again. I lean away from her proximity, shock acting as the primary cause for my inability to reply as she charges on, "You know you're not supposed to be eating plant matter! Where is your bacon? Or sausage? Or eggs?" She plucks my fork right out of my hand and begins scooping through the oatmeal and toast on my tray as though the meat were hiding underneath.

"H- Han- Doctor Zoe!" I stammer out, finally finding my voice. A maelstrom of emotions whirls through my head, anger being the most prominent due to obvious reasons. However, relief is a close second, as her unexpected presence indicated that I had not in fact been forgotten. The two feelings alternate in their intensity, making my eyebrows furrow as I look up at the head researcher.

"Don't you "Doctor Zoe" me." Hanji's eyes flash as she abruptly drops the utensil like it was vile to her and straightens up beside the table. She towers over me, placing her hands on her hips. Anyone at the table that hadn't been eavesdropping since the beginning was definitely watching us by now, including persons from tables near us. If the audience bothered the doctor, she did a fantastic job of hiding it- in fact, I think she enjoyed it. "Here I am about to take you to one the most important procedures of your life, only to find that you've likely not been eating properly for the past two weeks. Do you not remember our problem from your first day? Do you have an eating disorder you neglected to inform me of?"

"I don't!" I respond instinctively, the embarrassment of emptying my stomach all over the Captain's shoes that first day still very prominent in my mind. It makes my skin flush slightly with both shame and annoyance, and I cuttingly add, "I only eat what I'm given, and I had assumed I was supposed to keep quiet about it." 

"Then I'm going to have to speak with your head of squadron about that. He should have already been informed of your needs, but apparently not." Her tone capriciously becomes introverted as she speaks, her demeanor completely unaffected by my irked disposition. Her foot taps absentmindedly while she ponders something inwardly, the sneaker making soft thudding noises on the tile of the cafeteria. Flicking my gaze down and up, I notice that she's back in her familiar scrubs, this time wearing a set colored pale yellow with white designs. They made her stand out among the sea of camouflage sitting and milling about the tables, and it drew lots of attention towards her- which I soon realized drew lots of attention towards me.

"Doctor Zoe," I address her a bit snappishly, feeling uncomfortable under the gaze of so many people at once. "What are you doing here?"

"Oh!" Her eyes light up and she grins as though she hadn't just been yelling at me for eating oatmeal for breakfast. "I'm here to take you to be bonded, of course. Levi's waiting for us in the experimental facility." With a tone that irritatingly suggested that I should have known this all along, Hanji reaches out to grab my wrist and yanks me to my feet, almost causing me to trip over the stool I'd been sitting on. Luckily, I'm able to catch myself before face-planting into the ground. "You know how he gets; we'd better go."

I sputter out a round of protests as she drags me further away from the table: "Wait- But- my squad leader..." However, I'm ignored, and the last things I see before leaving the cafeteria is Connie's bewildered optics gazing after us, and Sasha discreetly pulling my abandoned tray towards herself.

* * *

Hanji and I step out into the morning Texas sun, and I waste no time being greeted with the now-familiar wave of heat before pouncing on her.

"Where the fuck have you been?" My tone is a growl and my teal eyes stare daggers into her profile as she begins leading me towards the Scout's lab. I can only vaguely recall the route on my own, but I know that it's a short walk. We move along the pavement as it draws a path between buildings.

"Taking care of things that needed to be taken care of." Her voice contrasts mine starkly, being carefree and girlish as she places her hands behind her back. She casts a sidelong glance in my direction, a teasing smirk curling the edges of her lips.

"No, I'm not taking that bull. I want to know why I've been stuck with trainees for a week when I'm supposed to be bonded- a thing I still have no idea how to fucking do?"

"My, you've got a mouth on you. You really shouldn't swear so much Eren, it's unprofessional."

"Hanji!"

"Fine..." The doctor in question pauses and lets out a sigh before meeting my gaze, her expression a bit more serious than a few seconds ago. The transition lenses of her glasses had darkened to accommodate for the sun, but I was still able to read her countenance. "I was checking up on the other shifters at this base and the one just north of here. I wanted reports on their progress and see how they've been getting along-."

"There are other shifters here?!" I cut in, Hanji's words almost making me draw to a halt in disbelief. Even though it probably should have, the fact that another shifter could be present on base hadn't once crossed my mind. Bonding, shifting, and training had consumed my consciousness from outward-reaching thoughts like that. However, Hanji's introducing the prospect of, not only one, but multiple shifters being within reachable distance to me made my jaw drop. I stare at the doctor with wide eyes for a beat before another realization hits me and my mouth presses into a thin line. In nanoseconds I'm fuming again. "How come I haven't met them?"

"Because you're not bonded yet." The head researcher responds calmly to my demanding tone, her own taking on a didactic underlay. "In some ways shifters are more animalistic than they are human-like, and this happens to be one of the most prominent cases. It's kind of like being territorial. You'd pose an instinctual threat to the dynamics already set in place between the established bonds, and when an animal feels threatened it has two choices. Otherwise known as the fight or flight response." By the time she'd finished speaking, we'd arrived at the same Experimental Facility from before. She pulls open the door and waves me inside, adding on, "I'll let you figure out which one a dragon would likely do."

My jaw flexes as I consider what she was implying, waiting for her to enter as well before trailing her steps deeper into the building.

I kept forgetting that there was supposedly a side of me I didn't know: a predator with deep-rooted, carnal instincts and capabilities far greater, deadlier than a normal human's. It just didn't feel real though; my brain simply couldn't connect how I physically felt and what I'd been told to be true, and I feared that I wouldn't be able to completely accept the fact until it couldn't be proven false indefinitely- until I shifted.

_And aren't I supposed to be doing that soon?_

Hanji and I follow the same path as we had on the first day: through the lobby and down the hallway, but she passes each door without pause until we get to the end of the corridor, where two doors branch to either side. The one on the right read "Janitor's Closet" and the left displayed, "Basement."

"We're going underground?" I raise an eyebrow at her as she inserts a key into the door knob.

"There's a chance you could shift during the bond," She begins to explain, lowering her voice a bit in the quiet hallway. "-and your amnesia adds an unpredictable danger to jumping right into a situation like that. We don't know if you'll be able to completely control your second form, so we're going to try it out first and then bond once we've established that you won't kill Levi in the process. Going underground makes containing you easier, so that we can bring you back quickly." She adds on with a brief giggle, "Without destroying too many buildings."

I could tell that she was purposefully being light-hearted in her tone and I appreciated her trying to comfort me through distraction, but her words only served to confirm my suspicions that I'd be shifting in the near future. The notion made my stomach churn uncomfortably.

The door had opened immediately into a broad stairwell that zig-zagged down for four levels, each case separated by a bare platform sans any exits that I could see. The tiles underfoot were tipped with black rubber and smelled slightly of mold, indicating that they were rarely cleaned. As we descend, neither Hanji nor I grip the metal rail designed to keep us from falling into the drop between stairs, and the sound of our shoes making soft thudding noises on the ground became the only noise to break the silence. That is, until we got to the bottom.

Muffled sounds leaked out from behind the lone door awaiting us at the base of the steps. There was no window on the door, and no labeling to forewarn me of what it contained, so I hesitate and wait for Hanji, who'd been taking the stairs behind me. I don't miss the eye roll she sends my way as she confidently strides forward and turns the handle. I open my mouth to retort, but once the door swings ajar, my jaw snaps closed.

"God, could they take any longer? I've had to shit for twenty minutes now." The male's voice is sour and forceful, echoing loudly in the huge room Hanji and I now face. He was standing in the middle, holding a sort of bendable tube that stretched from the bottom of the wall across from the entrance, and appeared to be trying to figure out how to attach it to a bolt in the ground. He wore a military uniform and combat boots, his hair undercut and dual-toned; a style that didn't really fit his curly locks.

"Oh shut up, Oluo. And stop talking like that. We get it, you want to be like the Captain, so knock it off!" The second voice, female this time, was one I recognized. It was Petra Ral, the woman who'd accompanied Levi to the test. She was currently sitting on the ground about halfway across the room with a sizeable knot of rope in her lap. It looked like she was trying to untie it, however, she'd paused in order to scold the man named Oluo.

Two other people were also in the room, each preparing something or another. A tall man with blonde hair tucked away into a man bun was flicking through switches on a breaker on the furthest wall from where Hanji and I stood, and I could only see the back of his camouflaged torso. The other, a third male with mocha-colored skin and dark hair styled into a point in the back, was walking towards Oluo, presumably opting to assist him with the flexible tube.

"I'm ba-ack!" All four of them look up as Hanji calls out in a sing-song voice, making me grimace and lean away from her. We step into the large room and I automatically glance up and around, briefly scoping out the place.

Massive was a better word for the chamber, really. It reminded me of the room I'd watched myself shift in on the video in North Dakota, except there were storage bins stacked almost to the ceiling in the very back, and the floor was discolored with multiple dark stains and scorch marks. The space was at least three stories tall, and had to be half, if not more, of the width of the building above it. I mused inwardly that perhaps my shifted form would even look small in these quarters.

"Welcome back! Levi's in the observation room, Doctor Zoe." Petra's cheery voice rings out, bringing my attention back to the inhabitants of the room. There's a comical night and day difference between the tone she used now and the berating one of mere moments before. She'd stood in order to address the head researcher, and the rope she was untangling falls to the ground with a loud plop. In reply, Hanji tilts her head and points in the direction of a door set into the wall perpendicular to the one we'd entered from, a door I hadn't noticed before. Right next to it was a huge mirror that reflected the containers in the back of the room to the front, making the space seemingly ever larger.

At Petra's affirmative nod, the brunette moves towards what I'd gathered was the observation room. Before I can follow her, the female officer addresses me individually.

"Hello, Eren." Petra's amber eyes meet mine as she strides towards me, the lessening distance allowing her to lower her voice to a normal level. Once she's near enough, she extends her palm and offers me a genuine, friendly smile. "How have you been?"

"Uh- Good. I'm good." I'm taken a bit aback by her abrupt kindness and so my reply is a bit sputtered, but I try my best to return the smile. It came out as more of a grimace, but if she noticed or was bothered by it, she didn't comment. "Thank you, Officer Ral."

"You can call me Petra if you'd like. We only use official titles when in front of the public or new recruits." She casually states, flicking a hand through the air dismissively. The red head then leans in, optics glittering with mirth. "It scares them when they hear references to such high ranks."

"Which is why I think he should be forced to use the titles when talking to us. He's still too green for my liking." Petra's high-pitched, tinkling giggle is interrupted by the grating tone of the man from earlier, Oluo.  He'd wandered over during Petra and I's exchange, apparently leaving the other male to complete his task. I glance up to meet his gaze as he moves to stand slightly in front of the female officer, the subtly defensive position making a frown curl the corners of her lips downward.

"He's still going to be a member of our squad, Oluo. Just because he's new doesn't mean we should be mean to him." Officer Ral's hands go on her hips and she slides out of his shadow, fixing him with a stony glare. "We didn't make Gunther call us by rank when he joined the squad."

"Gunther joined because the Captain hand-picked him." The deep baritone is new, announcing the addition of a new member to the conversation. Our circle broadens as the blonde male from the breakers joins. Now that I could see, I take in the rectangular shape of his face and the ghost of stubble on his chin. He reminded me of a softer version of Levi himself, with flaxen hair and coffee-brown eyes but the same stoic expression. His hands go behind his back as he continues, the stance exuding professionalism. "Not because he was one of the only options."

"Eld, you're supposed to be on my side." Petra grumbles, leveling her glower onto him instead. She catches me by surprise by reaching across and looping her arm through one of mine, and my spine goes rigid with discomfort as she murmurs to me, "Don't listen to them, Eren. You'll get along just fine."

"Why are we just standing around? Aren't we supposed to be getting started?" The only person left, whom I assumed to be Gunther, called out to us as he approached, having finished attending to the tube. His chocolate hued eyes blink as he tilts his head, drawing to a halt beside Oluo. "Where's Levi?"

"In there." Eld motions over his shoulder with his chin to the observation room, before allowing his oak-colored irises to fall onto Petra and I. "He's likely waiting for you."

At his words, the remaining three pairs of eyes find me and I instinctively shift my weight uncomfortably under their gazes. I didn't think I was a shy person, in fact I believed the exact opposite to be true, however, I felt intimidated by their obvious familiarity with each other. Add in the fact that two already seemed preconditioned towards disliking me, and suddenly the thought of joining them didn't seem too appealing. The rolling sensation in my stomach that had been present since I'd stepped into the room intensifies because of it, and I'm momentarily distracted by my roiling emotions. There's a beat of awkward silence before I realize he was implying that I should leave now.

"Oh! Right-" I all but jump into motion, giving my head a slight shake in order to clear it. Officer Ral releases my arm as I step away from her, my gait stiff as I stride towards the observation room door. I don't glance back once I begin to move, but I could feel their gazes still boring into me as I reach the door. The hairs on the back of my neck prickled uneasily.

_That's supposed to be my team?  Can I really... assimilate into that group? They seem so normal... yet so strange at the same time. I don't know what to make of that Oluo guy, and ... Eld? They don't seem to want me here. Petra seems nice but-_

The handle clicks open under my hand and I don't have time to process that last thought before I'm suddenly caught in a tangle of limbs and golden hair.

"Eren!" Armin's voice echoes loudly into my ear as his tackle almost knocks the breath out of me. I stagger for a second in order to accommodate, but he then pulls out of the hug and grins, continuing to hold me at an arm's distance. Excitement paints his expression as he looks at me, however, splatters of concern are quick to appear over his countenance as he begins to examine my person like a worried mother hen. "Are you okay? Hanji told us you haven't been eating well." Before I can reply, he abruptly grips my shoulders with both hands and meets my gaze in earnest. "I'm sorry I never visited you; I wanted to, I really did. I've just been so busy..."

Once the shock of being pounced on wears away, I find myself warring between being angry or forgiving him for the neglect. On one hand, I was furious for being told excuses, but on the other, I figured it didn't really matter in the big scheme of things. Seeing the genuine guilt written in the creases of the blonde's expression quickly made my mind up for me, and any reproach I'd felt for him melted away. A smile makes its way across my lips and I pull the shorter male back into the hug.

"Don't worry about it, Armin," I say into his hair, noticing how it smelled faintly like strawberries. We pull away in unison and I immediately begin to peer at him inquisitively. "I mean I still want to know what you were doing all this time. Hanji told me that it had to do with the other shifters here, but what exactly did you guys-"

"That conversation can wait." The interruption causes my jaw to snap closed. My line of sight slides past the researcher's apprentice to Levi, whose eyes were already locked onto me. The intensity of his pale, silvery irises held true to their ability to make me freeze beneath them, but I also found myself frowning at the bluntness of his tone.

"I've been waiting for weeks." The reply was colder than I'd intended, and I could see just the barest twitch of Levi's eyebrows arch in surprise. The ravenette was seated in a swivel chair directly in front of a desk laden with a panel full of controls, his lounging position causing it to twist slowly back and forth. His posture was as relaxed as mine was rigid, and his response was characteristically monotone:

"For you to be called in for bonding. Not spoon-fed information." He shifts in his seat, the fabric of his uniform brushing audibly against the leather of the chair. As he crosses one leg over the other, I can't help but notice that his combat boots looked brand new.

"You had no problem answering my questions half a month ago." I furrow by brow at him, feeling my hands twitch at my sides. For some reason his attitude angered me, and I had two weeks' worth of reasons for having a relatively short fuse. The least he could do was not speak to me like I was a kid.

"Telepathic communication was necessary for the test." The ebony haired male states simply, adding on with a languid lilt to his tone, "And your questions were trivial."

"Sorry that it was such an inconvenience for you." His blatant disinterest makes my blood run hot, and I don't bother to stifle the cutting sarcasm in my tone. The fact that his impassive gaze seemed completely unaffected by it only made me burn more, and I slitted my eyes at him. "Last I checked, _you're_ the one that needs _me_."

"Levi, I happen to like this observation room." Like a knife through butter, Hanji's voice cuts through the tense air between the Captain and I, just when I'd all but forgotten her presence with us. The head researcher was leaning casually against the wall with her fingers pinching the bridge of her nose in exasperation. She lowers her hand and looks toward the ravenette, who hadn't moved an inch from his lax position. "If you could hold off on inciting him to shift until you're outside, that would be fantastic."

With a jolt, I suddenly realize how tightly my fists are clenched and how strained my posture was- as though I were preparing to attack. A wave of embarrassment washes over me, and I force myself to unwind.  _Damn, how did he get under my skin so easily?_

The male in question finally moves, letting out a huff and rolling his eyes as he turns his chair to face the desk fully. This effectively diffuses the time bomb that had been ticking moments before, even though rage still makes my skin tingle. However, I'm momentarily distracted by the realization that the mirror I'd seen from outside wasn't actually a mirror at all. It was one-way glass, and suddenly the term "observation room" made a lot more sense.

I could see the entire storage area through the broad window. The desk that sat directly in front of it was just about as wide, full of switches and buttons, along with stacks of papers I couldn't read from where I stood. The rest of the room made it feel a bit small, since there was a tall filing cabinet in the far corner, and only a couple of meters between the counter and the back wall. It was large enough to fit all four of us, but only just so.

"Speaking of shifting..." Armin's voice is a bit tentative as he speaks up from his spot between the Captain and I. He was still warily eyeing the two of us as though he were afraid we were about to really go at it, but he finally focuses his attention on the head researcher. "Doctor Zoe, should we proceed? Officer Ral had told me that they were almost done when you left, so they should be finished by now."

His words make me remember my worries from before, and my emotions do another one-eighty. I didn't know how much more of this roller coaster I could take. From nervous to angry back to nervous again; my stomach alone won't be the cause of projectile vomiting this time.

"Thank you, Armin, and yes," Hanji's beaming grin shifts from him to Levi, who glances over his shoulder as though he'd sensed her gaze. "Levi, could you take Eren out to the middle and explain what's going to happen? Just give me a thumbs up when you're ready to start."

"Sure." The swivel chair creaks beneath him as the Captain stands and I study him warily as he strides towards me. However, he doesn't even bother meeting my eyes as he brushes past, simply uttering a "Follow me" as he exited.

I hesitate and look to Armin, a grimace clouding my expression. "Is he always like this?"

All the shorter blonde has to offer me is an exaggerated shrug and a sympathetic half-smile, but the giggle Hanji lets out as she plops down into the seat Levi'd just vacated makes me want to groan out loud. I desperately wanted to know the meaning behind it, however, I figured I'd be scolded if I delayed following the ravenette too long, and thus left the observation area as well.

As I make my way to where Levi waited deeper within the warehouse-like room, I'm suddenly painfully hyperaware of how loudly my combat boots thud against the concrete underfoot. Each step's noise rings out into the room and ricochets off the walls in an amplified beat- though it probably only seemed so painfully obnoxious to me. I self-consciously duck my head, as though that would ward attention away from me, and try not to thing about the many eyes locked onto my form.

The Special Operations Squad had spread out from the cluster we'd conversed in only moments ago, with one person standing in front of each wall like a body guard. At each of their feet sat a coil of thick rope and a bulky gas mask, and they were all holding assault rifles slung in front of their torsos. The ebony-hued muzzles were facing down and away from me, but every single person's finger was sitting on the metal just above the trigger, ready to shoot at a moment's notice.

My anger from earlier was cowering like a dog in the back of my subconscious.

I draw to a halt in front of Levi, trying not to make how nervous I was obvious. However, with the threat of death looming over me, it wasn't so easy. His piercing gaze seemed to cut right through my act, and I felt impossibly small as he looked me up and down. Part of me wanted to be annoyed with how he was drawing this out, allowing me to squirm under his stare, but the other, larger part was too gripped with anxiety to talk.

I fidget with the sleeves of my uniform in discomfort, anxiously waiting for him to speak, and to my dismay, my torso flinches ever so slightly as the quicksilver of his optics finally meets the teal of my own. I could have sworn I saw his expression soften for the briefest of seconds, but before I could be sure, his face becomes impassive again and his jaw hinges open to speak.

"First of all, the goal here is to get you to shift, understood?" The ravenette is suddenly forceful and intense, a night and day difference from the lackadaisical tone he'd spoken with previously. I'm taken aback by it and surprise makes my brows pull together, but I nod in confirmation all the same. He returns the gesture a second later, and continues. "Any kind of emotion you begin to feel once we get started- feed on it. Seek it out and bring it to the forefront of your mind. Take everything I say personally, because it is personal. It's my job to supply you an emotion, and I intend to do so."

The more he states, the more confused I become. I knew that shifting had to do with locking onto an overwhelming feeling, but the intensity of Levi's words made me want to take a couple steps back. " _Supply me an emotion"? What does that mean?_

"We may be set to be bonds, but we're not friends, Eren. Don't expect me to go easy on you."

A shiver runs down my spine, due part in the fact that this was the first time he'd ever used my name, and it sounded so different rolling off his tongue than anyone else's- but also because his voice had dropped an octave lower on his last sentence. It matched the way his chin tilted down, and his eyes seemed to grow ever more focused and critical as he studied me. This wasn't a warning; it was a threat.

A tense, uneasy pause fills the air between us. I can't find my voice, though I'm not sure what I'd say anyway since my mind's just a buzz of white static.

He asks, "Ready?"

I have to force myself to nod, clenching my fists at my sides until my knuckles are white. Levi raises his right arm at my affirmation and points two fingers skyward before flicking them in a quick circle, signalling Hanji that we were going to begin. My tongue feels thick in my mouth as I watch his hand return to his side, while his posture shifts slightly forward.

I'm just about to open my mouth and speak, to say something about how Hanji'd asked for a thumbs-up and not whatever he'd done with his fingers, because I'm a smart-ass like that, when his hand twitches in the corner of my periphery, making my voice die in my chest. My brain had only just drawn a connection between his movement and the glinting switchblade that had appeared in his palm -when he lunges for my throat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo! Shifting is next chapter, with a lot more action. I feel like I'm dragging this out way too much and its boring you all to death. I'm trying to make the plot go faster, I swear; I have just a problem with skipping over details because for some reason everything is important to me. Please leave me some feedback about the pacing, because I honestly can't decide if I need to speed it along already.  
> Hope you guys liked it! Feel free to leave a comment, kudo, or question; each notification brightens my day. And thank you to those who have been leaving things! Ya'll rock.  
> Unbeta'd so please let me know of any mistakes I can go back and fix ^^  
> Till next time!


	7. Bloodlust

Images of my own vocal cords hanging uselessly from a gaping hole in my neck flash before my eyes, and I hold my breath, waiting for the onslaught of unbearable agony and death to overtake me. 

Only, the overwhelming pain I expected never came. Somehow, I'd dodged the blow.

Granted, I just barely escaped it. The bite of the knife had stung as it brushed against my skin, but it was little more than a knick that had grazed my jugular, leaving me with an uncomfortable burning sensation that my surprise further aided in dulling. 

I don’t even know how I moved that fast. One second I was standing, watching numbly and helplessly as the blade in Levi's palm arced up towards me, and the next second, the Captain and I had switched places. We’d spun around each other like partners in a waltz, executing a swift series of footwork that was obviously intended to end motionless; except I apparently didn’t get the memo. I’m still moving as the ebony haired male pivots over his shoulder, his glinting, icy optics zeroing in on me.

My brain is slow to catch up with my body, and it has no idea what to do with the remaining momentum. I’m forced to tear my gaze away from Levi as I stagger back on my heels, instinctively lifting a hand up to my neck. Disbelief makes my head spin as I look down at the red my fingers come away with. 

 _If I had been even a_ nanosecond _slower..._

Rapid movement from directly in front of me draws my eye and the mysterious reflex from earlier kicks in again; however this time it's much slower, and I can do little but jerk backwards as the blade seeks my flesh once more. The ocean hues of my eyes again connect briefly with the flint-like steel of Levi's, right before his weapon meets its mark.

_Shit! What is he doing?!_

Now the _schick_  of the knife isn't just a sting-it's white-hot, and causes me to flinch away from my attacker with a gasp. I immediately double over, clutching my right wrist to my abdomen as pain radiates from my forearm. Scarlet plasma traitorously gushes forth from the new gash and slicks the front of my uniform in seconds, but the Captain doesn't give me any time to assess the damage to my limb. Light reflected from the switchblade dances across my vision and I duck as the weapon nears my head, but again I'm not fast enough. The fine edge catches my ear, tearing shallowly through the outer cartilage and yanking a hiss through my gritted teeth.

This time I don't pause to register the pain fully, and take rapid strides in reverse to put some distance between myself and Levi. I press the palm of my free hand to the slit in my wrist, hoping to stem the flow of blood as I retreat. Each step helps to clear the shock and fear out of my mind, wasting them like cobwebs as my body trembles from something other than pain.

"What the actual fuck?" My tone drips with rage as I slow to a halt in order to glare at Levi from afar. I couldn't understand how trying to "supply me an emotion" as he'd said included gutting me like a fish, especially with no warning or way to defend myself. However, the Captain didn't seem the least bit concerned. He'd taken a moment to pause as well, and was currently flicking wet crimson off the edge of his knife. The droplets of blood scatter across the floor, joining the other stains as his stony, impassive gaze flicks up to meets mine. 

“Do something about it.” Tone deadened, he advances, inciting me into motion again. His pace shadows my steps and closes the distance gained by my withdrawal in seconds. I find that whatever instincts had acted as my savior mere moments ago, had now abandoned me. The point of the switch snakes out impossibly fast, slicing into my shoulder this time and eliciting a rough groan from my lips. I glance down at the tear in my clothes, gritting my teeth as burgundy blooms about the newest slit and ruins the camouflaged pattern around it.

“Is that a dare?” I snarl out, redirecting my attention to Levi just in the nick of time as he slashes at me. The edge of the blade cuts through my uniform twice more in quick succession; tearing the fabric at my side and chest to ribbons. Each strike was a blur to my eyes, leaving me nothing to do but keep retreating.

“It’s a threat, brat.” The ravenette’s eyes suddenly flash and his voice undercuts into a biting inflection. His free hand snaps forward and grabs a fistful of my shirt, yanking me within an inch of his face. Eyes gleaming, he hisses his words at me. “As in you’d better do something, or you’ll be losing appendages soon.” 

Sooner than I can reply, he shoves me away from him-hard- and I can’t catch myself before tumbling to the ground. My right wrist shrieks out in agony as I come down heavily on it, and an expression of torture instantly twists my features. I land haphazardly and scramble in order to get back up and face him, but I don’t make it past my hands and knees before my lungs are emptied in an abrupt _whoosh_. My head cracks against the floor as Levi’s kick sends me all the way back down, and I groan into the concrete as my entire body begins to throb.

“This is pathetic. Like kicking a fucking puppy.” Levi’s tone shifts again, sounding annoyed now, and I force myself to curl into a sitting position as he approaches. His words make anger spike my veins, and I heave myself up onto my arms, jaw hinging open in order to spit out a nasty retort. At the same time, I lift my face in order to glower at him, however, my gaze never quite makes it there. Instead I get an eyeful of the underside of his boot-right before it connects with my cheek.

Pain explodes across my face as it snaps abruptly to the left, and I hear a sharp pop somewhere right next to my ear. My body follows the momentum of the blow and I bow over my tucked knees, hands catching the weight of my torso at the last second. I ignore the ache in my wrist as a growl rumbles deep in the pit of my stomach, one of my hands reaching up to gingerly grip the steadily reddening area of my jawline. 

_Fuck... that hurt..._

“I’d thought you’d be tougher than this. Shifters are supposed to be stronger than humans, aren't they?” I'd just moved my line of vision toward his voice when a force strikes the back of my head and the ground rushes up at me again. My left temple kisses the concrete floor so hard that my eyes jar in my skull, and I clench them shut to block out the room as it quakes around me. Therefore, I don't see the next kick coming once the weight is lifted from my head. A hack of a cough rips through my torso as the toe of Levi's boot pounds into my side, causing blood to spurt forth from my mouth. The gooey plasma leaps down and is lost in the discoloration of the floor between my palms.

"Even monsters can be weak, huh?" I hear rather than see him take a few steps back, apparently having tired of beating me like a dog. There’s a slight pause, filled only with my labored breath before he demands, "Get the fuck up already."

His words make my blood boil, and I spit some of the coppery substance on my tongue to my left. My entire body aches, and each gulp of air sends pain shooting through my ribcage, but I force myself onto my hands and knees anyway. Anger plays as my main motivator, because who the fuck was he to call me a monster? _Who's the one attacking an unarmed person with no warning? Who's the one who probably has years of training and experience, fighting an amnesiac who only woke up less than a month ago?_

Every unfairness of the past three weeks tsunamis over me in that instant. The anxiety I'd suffered from traveling by plane to a place I've never been to in order to life-long bond to someone I don't know; the frustration I'd felt each time some stupid doctor or scientist poked and prodded at me like I was little more than an interesting test subject; the anger that had quietly simmered below the surface of my skin when I was tossed to the side for _two fucking weeks_  and expected to play the part of an obedient little soldier...

 _Why the fuck am I doing this right now? What right do these people have to put me through this? To e_ xpect _this of me?_

I’m so angry that I feel tears start to prick at the corners of my eyes, and the dread I feel at the sudden realization that I might cry makes my throat tighten. But then it infuriates me further, for the sensation draws Levi’s previous words of my being pathetic to the forefront of my mind.

_”Like kicking a fucking puppy.”_

_I’m tired of being degraded. To them, I’m only here to be used._

_”Even monsters can be weak, huh?”_

Y _ou want to see a monster? Fine. I’ll show you a fucking monster._

I swallow the urge to release my emotions, burying them beneath a mountain of red. My teeth grit together, and the rest of my ascent is almost numb as my fury deadens the ache in my body. I hardly even feel the pain rolling across my skin from the various cuts splashing me in crimson; it was constant at this point and relatively easy to block out. 

When I'm upright I first notice that Levi's stance is no longer predatory, nor does he approach; he was simply standing there, studying my movements and looking just as he had when I’d first saw him this morning. The switchblade glints in his palm as he flicks it in quick circles at his side. I can't stop the ragged pull and release of my breath despite my efforts to control it, because I'm pretty sure he's broken a rib or two. It ends up being the only thing to fill the awkward, tense air between us. I stand stock still, allowing my anger to slowly consume me as I wait for him to make another move. 

The ravenette’s steely gaze is unreadable, and the rest of his features give nothing away as he takes a step forward. But there's a hint of hesitation in the move, and his gaze slides ever so slightly to my left in order to glance at the observation room's mirror somewhere behind me. 

Spotting the opportunity, I lurch forward with a venomous growl in my throat, my fingers reaching for the point where his neck meets his jawline. However, I don't make it far before I’m stopped mid-attack. One of his hands snatches out at my left wrist, and moves in tandem with a foot snaking behind my ankles. I'm airborne for a split second, and then land with a harsh thud on my back. 

_Yeah. That's definitely a broken rib._

The ceiling, towering who knew how many feet above me looks fuzzy, and the huge halogen lights hung from it spin around each other like ballerinas as I lie and gasp for air. Fresh pain radiates in waves from my side, and along with it comes a second ripple of frustration that makes me want to curl into a ball and not move for at least two days. The sensation stubbornly begins to nag at the corner of my mind, making the task of respiring ever harder as I try to drive it out of my consciousness. I will myself to concentrate as I hear Levi's footsteps draw close. 

"That was cute." His face swims into my line of vision as he leans over me. A few strands of his ebony hair fall forward, flawlessly framing his sharp cheekbones and stony countenance. If he hadn't been the one pounding me into a pulp this entire time, my agony-induced stupor would have likened him to an angel. He tilts his head in a condescending manner. "Finally decided to grow some balls?"

What little wrath I'd lost in being easily shut down, rushed back in full swing. _I'm going to shove this dickwad's perfect little face up his own ass._ Disregarding the pain in my torso, I roll onto my hands and knees and shove myself up, wasting no time as I immediately launch myself at him. 

He easily avoids my attack, sidestepping at just the right moment and sticking me in the side with his switchblade as I pass him. I groan and stumble from the pain, but somehow keep myself from collapsing. My right hand, which is already covered in slowly drying blood from the gash in my wrist, reaches up to clutch at the newest slit in my uniform. With trembling palms, I glance down at it, and watch as what looks like liquid rubies leaks into the surrounding fabric. 

And something about that image makes me want nothing more than to burst into tears.

_I... I just don’t understand why? What’s the point of this? Why is he... why are they..._

I shake my head in a futile attempt to clear it, but I’m so angry and confused and stressed that this time my efforts yield little result. Just barely holding back the well, I suck in a laborious breath to calm myself, but it makes my shoulders shudder in a painfully obvious way. I pray inwardly that it wasn’t as apparent as I thought it was, still trying to regain some form of composure.

"What's the matter, brat?" 

_I knew he'd see it._

I whip around in order to present him with my best glare, stopping just shy of baring my teeth and growling like a rabid animal. 

“Are you crying?” Levi's tone takes on a patronizing twist, making my hands twitch against my side, clenching at the soaked fabric beneath with a harsher grip. 

_I knew he’d be an ass about it too._

“You want to go home and cry to mommy?"

I don't know what, but something inside of me sort of...snaps, and a curious, tingling warmth begins to lick at the ends of my fingers. I impulsively take a threatening step forward, hardly even registering the pain it causes to shoot through my body. Levi’s gaze narrows in response, but right afterwards a smug smirk worms its way across his maw.

"Seems I've struck a nerve. What, you a momma's boy?" He questions, tilting his head and jeeringly altering his cadence to be as though he were speaking to a small child.

"Shut up!" I growl poisonously, the words pressing past my lips before I even think to say them. To my surprise however, I find pleasure in the severity of the reply. I didn't fully understand the rage that was making the edges of my vision turn red and my person go numb, but I didn't care. It was consuming me, and I was going to let it. 

"Did she leave little notes in your lunchbox? Or fix your boo boos with kisses?" Levi's voice drips with mockery as he nears, finally flipping his knife into a position with the blade facing down and away from him. I instinctively backpedal away from him, but the Captain is faster. Once close enough, his arm jerks up and the blade’s edge slices across the spot my chest would have been a split second ago, if I hadn't leaned back just in time. A snarl rips past my throat and I lunge toward him in retaliation, but he knocks me aside with ease.

"Or maybe she was a bitch. After all, what kind of mother lets her son get kidnapped?" The sadistic grin of the switch's face is all that I see as it digs into my skin three times in a row; but they feel shallow and like mere pinpricks, as heat was already coursing throughout my body.

"Stop it! Don't talk about her!" Throwing my head back, I roar my words skyward, attempting to wheel away from the threatening knife. White static begins to cloud my head and sight, however, the snowy color is rapidly bled through with an ugly carmine shade. I bare my teeth at Levi, but don’t really see him as other hues saturate through the red, materializing as different images before my retinas. Blues, greens, browns-all kinds of colors presented themselves in swirls that tried desperately to take shape, but for some reason couldn’t. I failed to make sense of any of it, and it distracted me from the situation at hand. 

I didn’t feel the lung-puncturing force of the kick sent my way, nor did I register the painful crash of my knees contacting the floor. It was all unimportant, and far away. Levi’s voice is the only thing that pierced through my stupor.

"Maybe she was a whore, actually. Likely she had to fuck disgusting, older men in order to feed her petulant, ungrateful little child." Levi’s words seemed to slither directly into my ear, even though part of me knew that he was currently standing a few feet away. Regardless, my fingers reached up and I clawed at the sides of my head, trying to get the echo of his baritone out. I didn’t want to hear it anymore. _Get it out._ I wanted it out. _Get it out get it out get it out._ The concrete under my tucked legs felt icy to my boiling skin, and I couldn't stop the tremors that began to spasm up and down my spine. 

"She was probably butchered by an unhappy customer, right in front of you. And I bet the scene would replay through your head on a loop if you were able to remember it, brat." 

I don't recall when I'd clenched my eyes shut, but it's the cause of my surprise when I feel a hand suddenly grasp a fistful of my hair and almost yank me to my feet. My fingers instantly shoot up to grasp at the ravenette’s wrist, my nails digging into the fabric of his uniform until I feel it tear. Now the Captain’s voice really is right next to my temple, and my breath catches in my throat as he finishes:

"Because even you know, it's your fault that she's _dead_." 

The ravenette tosses me back onto the floor, but by then I’m moving in slow motion. I see my hands reach out to catch my fall, feel my muscles shake from fatigue and fail at supporting my bodyweight, and taste iron in my mouth as my head bounces against the ground for the umpteenth time today. However, all of these sensations are lost in the next moment, as white-hot pain explodes behind my eyes. 

I can't really describe to you what kind of agony then raced through my body. It felt as though someone had replaced my blood and all other organic fluids with gasoline, and then dropped a match down my throat. The flames that subsequently burst into existence lapped at my insides, sneaking into every niche and crevice as it moved through me at an alarming rate. It never burned out, nor lost intensity; it simply continued to gained heat. 

And that was before my body started tearing itself apart.

My awareness of Levi, the Special Operations Squad, and everything else around me dissipated into nothing, and all I could focus on was the sensation of my limbs and torso being stretched away from each other. My joints popped and tendons ripped audibly as they separated, making me want to howl out in agony. However, for some reason my voice lay dead in my chest.

Internally, I could hear the sick flexing and fracturing of my skeleton as my arms and legs doubled in size and my spine lengthened four times over. My bones ground against each other as they rearranged into a quadrupedal figure, forcing me onto all fours as I gained height thrice what I’d previously possessed. Black spots swam in front of my vision as the space between my shoulder blades ruptured, and two board-like limbs grew from the craters, extending out to either side of me as gigantic wings. The skin at my lower back then burst open as well, and a wriggling tail whipped out from the rear of my pelvis, whipping about of its own accord. The alterations left my uniform in tatters, yet the strips of fabric stubbornly clung to me, catching where my wings connected with my torso. 

My mouth opened into a silent scream as I _watched_  my nose flatten and extend away from my eyes. I could _see_ the pallid shade of my butchered skin as it stretched until it was paper-thin, right before shimmering green scales, littered with skeletal horns, appeared in a swift ripple over the damaged tissue. The foreign sensation rolled across my new body in a gross shudder, but I couldn't linger long on the feeling as menacingly sharp, dagger-like teeth painfully pressed past the gums of my jaw. The serrated-edged fangs settled in a single, jagged row along my maw and protruded randomly from between my lips.

It all happened in a matter of seconds, and I couldn't keep track of every single alteration as it came over me, but soon the change was complete. The agony subsided, leaving my body humming with an electric buzz that made me want to run until I could run no more, and it sought release in the form of an ear-splitting, high pitched howl. The noise was unlike anything I’d ever heard before-not in any wild animal, not on the video I’d watched of myself — nowhere. But it encompassed the full breadth of the rage that was wedged deep into the marrow of my bones. Rage that was anything but forgotten as I shrieked it into the ceiling. 

“Eren?” In the midst of my cathartic roar, Levi’s voice calls out to me. It sounds strange, almost concerned. Wary; but seeking.

My voice quickly dies down to a low, guttural growl as I blink, and suddenly my sight shifts into a sort of heat vision. The high interior of the room was now a cold blue shade, dotted with orange blots of heat that were the lights. I only pause for a fraction of a second, noticing how this scene strangely  feels more natural than the normal colors I was used to seeing. 

I wheel my head down to face the Captain, even though now I only see his warm silhouette.  My chin tucks slightly down towards my chest and causes my neck to arch high into an elegant curve. A trilling hiss pulsates visibly up my throat and through my fangs, causing my fanned crest to flex all the way down my spine, and my wings to stretch to their fullest extent.

It was instinct to take on such a posture. Every inch of me was targeted toward intimidation and threat. 

_Yes._

Levi’s scent washes across the glands in my mouth as a forked tongue flicks out over my teeth.

_Anything but forgotten._

My body acts of its own accord, but even if I had been of a better mindset, I’m not sure I would have tried to stop the motion of my fangs as they reached for the throbbing pulse point of Levi’s neck. 

The motivation wasn’t all anger either; the emotion roils within me and stays to the forefront of my brain as the Captain dives to the side to avoid my attack, but soon a small part of my consciousness becomes aware of another presence in my mind. One that wasn’t exactly human.

It was a parasite that fed off of my fury, and it was the cause for my tunnel vision as the intoxicating scent of Levi became an aphrodisiac for my bloodlust. Sadistic frustration is all I felt as he narrowly escaped my jaws, and a snarl that couldn’t possibly be from me echoes in my ears as I whirl back around to face the Captain. He rolls out of his jump directly to his feet and takes off at a dead sprint towards the looming wall of storage boxes. Setting off after him, my teeth snap at the air his body vacates, and my talons leave a trail carved into the concrete we rush over.

The small, nagging voice whispered at the back of my mind, encouraging me to go faster, to find his blood and spill it across the floor. 

_Pay him back for the things he said._

It dug its own claws into the gray matter between my ears, making me feel more and more like a vehicle for its bidding. As my pursuit of the Captain is abruptly cut short, I realize with a jolt that a majority of me couldn't be bothered; it wanted to pick human gristle from between its teeth, while lounging in the puddle of plasma it had beckoned from a half-dead body. Multiple thick-roped lassoes somehow find their way around my neck and forelegs while the other part of me grew ever more aware of how out of control I was. Outwardly, I roared and snarled at the people holding my bindings, biting and tearing at anything solid that came close to me. I relished in the echo of scream that rung out as my teeth, at least once, found live meat.

The tiny sliver of consciousness that realize how wrong I was for the enjoyment grew smaller and smaller.

_Pay them all back for doing this to you._

Until it was nothing more.

I thrashed and writhed against the restraints that forced me to the ground, only becoming vaguely aware of the pulley systems that cranked my ropes tighter and tighter to make sure I stayed put. Saliva leaped from my lips as I screeched at the masked faces that moved around me, hurrying to secure more cords. The scent of plasma and iron pleased my little parasite, and it begged me for more.

However, I would not appease it, nor myself this time it seemed. White wisps of smoke soon clouded my vision, and my body grew heavier with each passing second.

There was shouting going on around me, and a pair of boots passed right by my jaws as my head clunked to the ground with fatigue. But I didn’t care, couldn’t care. Darkness swam before my optics, and my ears were filled with a rasping, twitching little voice saying only one thing over and over and over :

_Blood._

* * *

I was staring at a white ceiling.

No, not a ceiling.

I was standing, leaning flush against a colorless wall that curved in a perfect circle around me, only to be cut off with a flat top and bottom. The cylinder rather compact, extending at most a foot past the summit of my head, and had a width only just big enough for me to do a 360 in with an awkward shuffle. Even so, my elbows brushed against the barrier whenever I bent my arms.

It didn’t take long for claustrophobia to take root and subsequently make the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. My tongue felt thick, and I suddenly feared that I was rapidly breathing in and squandering a limited oxygen supply. I pressed my hands against the cool surface of the contraption surrounding me, where a calm hunt for an escape quickly deteriorated to a frantic one. Dread gripped me, for reasons I couldn't quite put my finger on, and the emotion wasted no time in blooming into outright terror.

By the time I halted my spinning search, breath ragged and eyes dilated with fear, I couldn’t tell which way I’d started facing, nor how many times I’d turned around. Part of me couldn’t even tell if I was standing upright-everything was white and disorienting.

I looked up, white. 

To my right, white. 

Left, white, down, white. 

_God,_

Everything was white white white.

_why-_

white white 

_why is it getting so hard to breathe?_

Without warning, the temperature dropped inside the tube, and the discomfort of being in a small space was no longer the only cause for my panicked respiration. My hands instantly reached for my neck as I gasped like a fish at air that felt thinner and thinner with each passing second. I tried to choke out words, though what I was attempting to convey, I didn’t know. The flesh of my jugular felt weak and fragile under my fingertips, and I tore at the skin as though it would better allow passage for oxygen. In seconds, my nails became useless, slipping across wet skin, and the gashes in my throat did nothing to help me. Ash-colored spots danced before my eyes.

_Finally... not white..._

With legs twitching and barely able to support me, I leaned against the walls of the container and allowed my now blood-soaked palms to clutch at either side of my head. I had to, because the pink organ between my ears was currently pounding against my skull like a prisoner that wanted to escape its confinements. I was fairly certain he wasn't supposed to leave, so my finger tips dug deep into my scalp to keep him there, making my hair stick up in all directions.

However, at the same time, someone was on the other side of the bars and taking a hammer to them, trying to turn the prisoner into a liquid. The constant banging deliquesced my mind, leaving it little more than a puddle of mush. It swished around in its tiny calcium bowl, igniting pain at each point in touched. It leaked down into my nose and out of my ears. I could taste it on my tongue as I screamed, could feel it dribble out of my ey-

Before I could finish that thought, the floor of the tube beneath my feet fell away, and my stomach lurched as I plummeted out of the container. My surroundings remained a pallid, discomforting white, but now they pressed in around me as puffy wisps of smoke too dense to see past. Their curling fingers froze me to the bone and left my skin damp and clammy. Shrieks I didn’t bother trying to contain tore past my already raw throat, and I couldn’t prevent my arms from flailing about as I fell. After what seemed to be eons, but was truly mere fractions of seconds, I burst through what could only have been cloud cover, and gaped in horror as the earth spread out miles below. 

With a blink, though, I was no longer falling. My pounding heart and fearful respiration was still present, but now I was standing in a glass cage. I glanced down to where a pipe was steadily pumping water into the container, making it splash across my bare feet and soak through my flannel pants. I'd just started pounding against the clear walls, when my setting shifting again.

I couldn't seem to stay in one place for very long, the different environments flickering past in a slideshow of memories: I was strapped to a chair with electrodes attached to my head; lying on a table and begging for release as my fingers were removed; pacing a cage, staring down an adversary that had no face.

They flashed in front of my optics one after the other, faster and faster, until they were but a blur of terror and dread.

Then they were gone- and I was left in an empty stillness of black. I welcomed it, even if it felt ominously desolate after such a tidal wave.

Somewhere in the back of my mind, breaking the quiet, I heard a voice. It sounded like it was calling out to me, but it was so far away I couldn’t possibly comprehend what was being said. I waited, and, due to the curious, sudden need to understand, reached out with my consciousness. 

“...run!’

It was a woman’s voice... and she sounded so familiar.

_Run? Run from what?_

“Please... Eren! ... for me, please!” 

Her beseeching, broken tone tore my heart into a million pieces, though I didn’t exactly know why.

_Why is she begging me to leave? What is going on?_

Through the emptiness, I felt the gentle caress of soft hands cupping either side of my face, and automatically leaned into the touch as though I'd missed it. Bu then, they're abruptly yanked away. A short burst of a scream echoes into the nothingness before me, causing a strange mix of passionate anger and fear to course through my veins.

“No! Stop it!”

_Is that... my voice?_

"Eren, baby! Run!"

“Mom! Please, mom!”

_What? ...no... it can’t be..._

“Leave her alone!”

Another shriek tears through my eardrums, and follows me even as I slip down into complete unconsciousness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Firstly, to those of you who I told this chapter would be out quickly, I apologize. Honestly, I had the first half of it done and then life hit (exams, end of year holidays, the like) and I was forced to leave it sit for a few weeks. And to top that off, when I went back, I hated what I'd written and decided to scrap the whole thing. Twice.
> 
> This chapter gave me a lot of trouble, so I hope it doesn't seem too choppy due to me hacking at it like a butcher for the past couple weeks. Did you guys like how Eren ended up shifting? I know it's a bit of a tease as far as actual action in his dragon form goes, but it's his first shift in memory, so it only makes sense for him to be out of control. The little pieces, like his "parasite" and why Levi attacked him will be explained in the next chapter ^^
> 
> Please let me know what you think! Any and all comments and kudos are always highly appreciated. I didn't anticipate even this much feedback about the story, and it honestly makes me so happy.
> 
> Till next time!


	8. Explanation

The all-too familiar sensation of restricting cuffs and suffocating nylon straps against my skin greets me as my eyes flicker open and I realize that I am both alone and not yet dead. The second thing to greet me is a killer headache.

_I have got to stop waking up like this._

I shift on the mattress and attempt to glance around the assumed-hospital room, but quickly find that moving my chin even two inches in either direction makes nausea do somersaults through my small intestine. Clenching my optics shut once more, I let a groan press past my lips. I have the sudden urge to vomit, but my growling, empty stomach promises only dry heaves for the near future. 

“Eren?” The tentative voice causes me to peek one eye open, and a blurry Armin moves into my line of vision, his narrowed gaze concerned and searching my features. It reminded me of the first time I’d woken up to find him in my room, only that instance now felt like a million years ago. His scrubs were a light brown, with a white eagle logo on a pocket over his heart. 

“What... happened?” My voice sounds strained, but as I clear my throat, it quickly gains strength. I allow my gaze to briefly rove about the room, revealing baby blue walls, a white ceiling, and speckled tile underfoot. It was pretty small, with a single visitor’s chair across from the bed and a wooden counter-cabinet combination to my left. What little I could see of the sterile instruments resting on its surface gave me a pretty good guess; however I still inquired, “Where am I?” 

“You’re in the medical ward of the base, and have been for a little over six hours.” Armin, having apparently deemed me lucid and docile, begins undoing the restraints closest to him as he explains. “After you shifted, it became obvious that you were not in control of yourself so we were forced to gas you; you might have a slight headache and nausea, but those symptoms should wear away soon.”

_Slight?_

The synthetic strap holding down my chest falls away as the blonde researcher makes his way around the confinement bed in order to remove the other side’s bindings. I take the opportunity to push myself upright, grimacing as vertigo makes ebony dot my vision. I squeeze my eyes shut again until I’m sure I’m not about to spit bile down my front, and as I do so, memories of what had happened seep into my consciousness.

The first half of my experience within the huge room comes back in sharp clarity: from getting to meet the Special Operations Squad, to seeing Levi again- complete with the vivid recall of Levi unceremoniously carving craters out of my skin. With an abrupt intake of breath, my recently freed hands shoot to where the largest stab wound lay in my side, mere inches below my ribcage.

Except... There wasn’t anything there.

I look up at Armin incredulously, mouth agape to ask how, when a ghost of a smile plays with the corner of his maw. He slips the cell phone he’d been texting on into the pocket of his coffee-colored scrubs.

“Did you not believe us when we told you about the healing abilities?” He lets out a laugh, the sound care-free and light. “You won't have any scars either, as your body doesn’t even produce scar tissue except under extreme circumstances.” 

The blonde returns to my left side, hands reaching for the cabinets built into the wall; his back faces me as he pulls open one of the sandy-hued doors. Because of it, he doesn’t notice the tension steadily clawing its way up my spine, nor the narrowed slits my eyes have become.

“You really think I’m worried about the scars?” The bite of my tone makes Armin’s spine go ramrod straight, and he freezes in the middle of his search. I wait until he’d gained the courage -or simply the curiosity- to glance over his shoulder, and I almost relish the barely-perceptible flinch of his posture once his sapphire optics meet my glaring teal ones. 

“I want to know why I had to chance getting them in the first place.” Swinging my legs over the edge of the hospital bed, my socked feet land soundlessly on the tile as I fix the blonde with a heated glower. “I want to know why I was left in a room with a stab-happy fucking _psychopath_.”

The bed creaks as my weight leaves it. Amin is quick to pivot and face me, but a lack of space leaves him no where to run. I tower over him threateningly, completely disregarding the look of fear that warps his countenance as he presses himself as close to the counter as possible- as far away from me as he can. I hiss my words into his face. “And if you think that I’m going to be _bonding_ or having anything to do with that asshole again-”

“What? You’re going to kill him?” Hanji’s voice cuts through my words and my gaze snaps to the right, lips curling into an animalistic snarl. I’m about to pounce on on her instead, but seeing the head researcher there, leaning casually against the now-open door frame with a skeptically raised eyebrow, I suddenly become aware of myself.

With a blink, the savage expression on my face melts. I jerk away from Armin and retreat to the hospital bed once again, allowing myself to plop down into the thin mattress and mess of white sheets. The reeling of my head and stomach once again becomes apparent to me, and despite the control I’d displayed in the withdrawal, I couldn’t stop the trembling in my palms - nor the buzzing of latent fury bubbling under my skin.

_God, I want to pummel something._

“Aggression after a shift is normal, Eren.” The female doctor’s voice is much gentler this time, as though she were comforting a bewildered child. She kicks the room’s blank gray door closed as she steps towards me and I raise my eyes when the bed bounces a bit from her weight settling into it. Her scrubs were still the same shade of yellow as before, and the garish hue only added to my migraine.

“Especially when you transform back into a human so quickly,” Hanji continues, gesturing with her hands as she explains. “There are still predatory instincts simmering at the surface of your unconsciousness, and it’ll take time and practice for you to suppress them entirely. For now though, you should simply take care to watch your own actions. In some cases, instincts can be extremely-”

I interrupt her, a sarcastic bark of a laugh pressing past my lips. 

“You know, I might be wrong, but I don’t think _instincts_ are the only reason why I’m pissed the fuck off right now.” Suddenly, I feel claustrophobic, and I hop off of the bed  again in order to put some distance between the scientist and myself. Not that two inches is all that much more space, but it was better than cozying it up on the same piece of furniture. I find myself cornered between the bed and the wall, with Armin to my left at the counter, and Hanji to my right.

Her mouth immediately hinged open in preparation to defend herself; however, I cut in before she has the chance, my tone saturated in venom. “And if you preach at me with some irrelevant bullshit about shifters one more time, I swear to God, Hanji, I’m going to gut you in your sleep. I want to what the hell happened back in that storage room! Why did Levi attack me?”

A tense silence creeps into the medical room, in which I meet Doctor Zoe’s gaze with a level glare. Her expression becomes guarded at my words, and I can see the gears turning in her head behind the lenses covering her eyes. I surmise that she’s probably trying to figure out the best way to explain it to me. 

“As you know, an unintentional shift can be caused by either a deep-rooted psychological trigger or an extremely strong emotion.” Hanji begins, her tone careful and words slow, but not in a condescending way. “Usually, if the shifter we take in is unable to transform of their own accord, whether that be due to not having memory of such a thing, or having a mental block, we seek out the psychological trigger in order to force a shift. When that doesn’t work, the next best thing is to target a strong emotion. Anger, which is a naturally passionate and prominent emotion, and fear, which triggers an organism’s fight or flight response, work the best. And even if we had the necessary research for it, we wouldn’t resort to chemicals or serums. A shift is too painful that way; it’s regarded as inhumane.

“Specifically your case: Your amnesia is extensive- significantly more so than anyone we’ve come across so far. Thus, it presented a complication in our numbers. We were afraid that even if we prodded around at your psyche and hit a trigger, it might not have any effect due to your overall lack of recall. You were fine throughout the duration of your time in public, and never showed any signs of edging on a shift ever since you’d woken up, so I took it upon myself to skip that step, and head directly into emotions.” The  doctors expression twitches, looking almost sheepish as she adds. “After hearing Levi’s report about what exactly happened in the storage unit, I realize that I was wrong and that the trigger would have worked without the need for memory. I would like to apologize for my mistake; for allowing my want to speed things along to get in the way of your well-being.”

“You’re not forgiven.” I mutter sarcastically, half under my breath.

“We couldn’t inform you of the situation in general, though.” Hanji continues, choosing to ignore the retort, “Especially since I had Levi target fear and anger first. You wouldn’t have taken the life-threatening situation seriously if we’d explained it beforehand.”

“Still, you could have given me _something._ ” I frown disagreeably at her, now leaning heavily against the wall and crossing my arms. “You could have just straight up threatened me; I would have believed you, trust me. But that whole situation was so fucked up, I don’t even know where to start.”

I absentmindedly run a hand through my hair until it gets caught in a knot at the back of my head. Then, I add as almost an after-thought: “And you could have used someone other than the person you want me to bond with. How am I supposed to trust Levi if he’s willing to do something like that simply because he was ordered to?” 

“Captain Levi is one of the only people who is capable of surviving such close proximity with a shifter that is not in control,” Doctor Zoe replies, her expression becoming uncharacteristically somber. “We’ve tried other soldiers, and are forced to resort to them at times, however, the death rate is far too high to risk when Levi is here himself. Additionally, his squad is hand-picked; the best of the best; trained and experienced in handling dragons. But that kind of situation is volatile and dangerous no matter who you are. Your shift is a perfect example, as Oluo was hospitalized after your dragon form bit him- the first injury within that team in a long time.”

_...What?_

“Wait, I hurt someone?” Immediately, my optics snap up to meet Hanji’s chocolate gaze, shock and confusion making a chill run through me. My brows pull together as my eyes flick between the two researchers. Hanji’s jaw clenches, and puzzlement immediately riddles her face. She looks quickly at Armin, who also appears equally perplexed at my response, before returning her glance to me.

“Eren...” She begins hesitantly, peering at me over the rim of her glasses. Her tone becomes serious, and doubtful. It makes the hairs on the nape of my neck stand up. “Do you remember your shift?”

_No... I don’t... Why- why don’t...?_

Anxiously, I try to recall details past Levi slicing me up with a switch blade, but blank space is all that comes to me. Panic bubbles in my chest and I squash it, trying to keep myself calm. The action is easier said than done, though, because _I didn’t even realize I was missing this information._

As I close my eyes to focus, I notice that something is keeping me from accessing the memories. I prod at what seems like a wall; a barricade separating my thoughts from each other. I push on it tentatively at first, and then with as much mental force as I can muster. My face scrunches in concentration, and after a few more pushes, it finally gives way. 

I really shouldn’t have tried so hard. Immediately, white-hot pain shoots through the base of my skull. It races into the rest of my cranium like wild-fire, making me squeeze my eyes shut and double over with a loud groan. Images of white walls and steel bars flick in front of my eyes like a slide show on hyperdrive, coupled with blood and viscera and hands reaching out to grab me. I was vaguely aware of Armin and Hanji jumping up in surprise and advancing to help me, but all I could focus on was a woman’s voice suddenly screaming at the top of her lungs from within my head. Harsh, guttural laughter quickly joins the shrieking, and abruptly, I don’t want to remember anything anymore. I want it all to go away. 

I’d do anything, anything- including jerk myself upright once more, and slam my head against the wall behind me. 

“Eren! Stop-” The blonde researcher’s voice is shrill as Armin realizes what I’m doing, and he surges forward in order to prevent me from doing it again. However, he wisely pulls up short when I throw my arm out to block him. 

“Stay... back...” My tone drips with a malice that does not sound like me, yet is somehow excruciatingly familiar. With a jolt, different memories flood my vision. In the span of a heartbeat I relive the agonizing pain of shifting, the chaotic mess of wanting to destroy everything within reach, and the disturbing realization that I was not alone in my own mind.

Instantly, my tongue grows thick with saliva as I breathe in the scent of Armin and Hanji’s skin. The sound of each of their pulses’ rings in my ears as the little parasite I can now recall from my shift slithers to the forefront of my mind. It wraps itself around my brain, feeding off of the anger and fear simmering in my veins, making me want to tear the nearest warm body apart. 

_Kill... I want to kill... kill..._

Its harsh, grating, whispering voice slithers into my consciousness, repeating that word over and over again, until it doesn’t even sound real anymore. I don’t remember sliding down the wall or curling my knees into my chest, but when my head begins to pound from the vice-like grip I have on it, that is the position I find myself in. My fingertips press into my temples so hard they twitch at the joints, and the pain helps to clear my thoughts. Gradually, the parasite’s voice grows dimmer. 

Seconds, minutes, hell even hours could have passed without my knowledge as I focused on trying to shove the foreign presence as far back as possible. Brick by brick, I re-erect the wall I’d demolished, silently vowing to myself to never do that again. 

Slowly, I once again open my eyes to the room; my sight greeted by the confused and worried faces of Hanji and Armin. I could only guess how I looked; hair bedraggled and sticking up in all directions, my flannel, pajama-like clothes twisted and unkempt, and eyes wild in the aftermath of my memories. 

“...Eren? Are you... alright?” Armin’s voice is subdued, and I watch as he moves forward but hesitates, not wanting to upset me further. 

_Do I fucking look alright?_

But warring with myself had exhausted me, and I don’t have the energy to be angry or sarcastic. I felt almost numb and simply blew out a breath before nodding to him, allowing my hands to flop tiredly onto the floor beside me.

“Come on, get back on the bed.” Doctor Zoe gently grabs me by the forearms and helps me upright when I allow her. The scent of her mango shampoo washes over me at the proximity, and comically, I find relief in the distinct lack of homicidal urges at the pungency. She pushes me down onto the creaky mattress and asks in a light tone, trying to diffuse the tension, “Not too pretty huh?”

“No, not really.” A short, delirious sort of laugh presses past my lips at her understatement. The head researcher reclaims her seat further down the bed, crossing one leg over the other as her weight settles. In my peripheral, I see Armin take a deep breath and lean back against the countertop, probably relieved that I wasn’t freaking out anymore.

“Can you tell me exactly what you recall?” Hanji draws my attention back to her. The scientist’s voice is soft and implies that she’d understand if I couldn’t, but I knew that she wouldn’t be satisfied if I just brushed everything off. I quickly draw my feet onto the bed and sit with my legs crossed in front of me. With a soft groan, I roll my neck in a slow circle as an excuse to stall speaking more than anything. My thoughts were a jumbled mess in my skull, and part of me was terrified to even sift through them. But both Hanji and Armin were looking at me expectantly, making me feel like a tiny petri dish.

“I- I can only really remember up until right after the shift itself...” I admit, staring down at the sheets without really seeing them as I carefully delve into reverie. I didn’t dare go near that blockage again, not yet, but tearing through it had given me more information to work with. “But after that it’s fuzzy. I remember being so angry and out of control and there was this-”

I pause, contemplating how to describe the little voice in my head. And for a reason I couldn’t quite pinpoint, I suddenly didn’t want to tell either of them about it. Granted, they both probably already thought I was insane or at least mentally unstable; my little episode from mere moments ago laid waste to any doubt of that. However, I found myself impulsively avoiding mentioning it.

“- this _need_ to destroy something or someone.” Hesitantly, I peer up at Hanji, whose expression is unreadable as she listens. “What exactly did I do?”

The scientist pauses, knowing that I was referencing the person I’d harmed. She purses her lips briefly as she contemplates, and the momentary cessation makes dread build in my stomach. Still, I wanted her to be honest; full disclosure. I didn’t want her to sugar coat it just so she wouldn’t upset me again. 

“After you shifted, the Special Operations Squad went into action to contain you,” Hanji finally begins explaining, folding her hands in front of her. She keeps her gaze on mine and her tone neutral. “That was going to occur anyways, but it became top priority once it was apparent that your dragon was not under your control. The sedative gas we use takes at least five minutes to become effective, but the situation had gone downhill before then. When Levi’s squad was lassoing your dragon in order to secure it until the chemicals kicked in, Petra’s rope got tangled around her forearm. You yanked on the lead, and her shoulder dislocated. She was vulnerable and much too close to your teeth, but at the last second, Oluo pushed her out of the way.

“Don’t worry too much though, Eren,” The brunette quickly adds, seeing the guilt steadily etching itself into the grooves of my expression. “He is fine and so is she. Dislocations are easy fixes, so Petra didn’t even need to visit the hospital. Oluo did pass out from blood loss though, because a major artery in his shoulder was torn; however, you simply ripped through skin and muscle, rather than biting it off. So he should make a full recovery. He’s in the medical ward as well right now, and woke up a few hours ago.” 

Her words did little to comfort me. Regret gnawed at my gut. Sure, I hadn’t really liked Oluo from the beginning, but I never wanted to hurt him -let alone send him to the hospital. And knowing that he’d stepped in for Petra, a person I did like, only made me feel worse. I couldn’t help but think about what might have happened had he not.

_I could have killed someone._

“You can go visit him later, if you would like.” Armin pipes up, casting a quick glance at Hanji for confirmation. At her nod, his azure optics return to me, his expression offering a small smile. _He’s trying to cheer me up._

“Yeah. I would like to apologize.” With some effort, I return the gesture, but it disappears quickly. There was still something I needed to ask, and so my attention turns to the head researcher. “What happens now?”

“Well, most immediately, you’re going to continue basic training with your squadron.” The bed quietly squeaks as she rises and brushes non-existent dust off the front of her scrubs. “There are some things I need to discuss with Erwin; reports, planning, all that boring stuff. Once I have a better idea of how to proceed with your case, I’ll let you know. But for now, you need to rest. There’s a possibility that you still have internal wounds, so you’ve been taken out of any physical activity for the next two days. I’ve already let your squadron leader know.”

“Okay.” I state, internally wanting to inquire more about what she needs to talk to the commander about, but knowing that she likely won’t tell me.

“I’ll have some food brought to you in a few minutes. And it’ll be all protein this time,” Hanji points a finger in my direction as she speaks, while casting a playful glare at me through her bifocals. Somehow, seeing her usual self again comforted me a fraction, and I roll my eyes at the dig, muttering “yes mom” under my breath. “Since it’s late, you’ll be spending the night in this room, but tomorrow it’s back to the barracks for you.” 

It didn’t feel late to me, since I’d been asleep for hours and I had no window for reference; but I was grateful that our little meeting seemed to be coming to an end. I _was_ exhausted, and hopefully would be able to get some rest soon. However, there were also a lot of things I needed to think through on my own; details, questions, blank spaces. A slight shudder shakes my shoulders at the prospect of accidentally breaking apart that mental block again.

_I might not sleep at all tonight._

I’m shaken out of my thoughts by a set of limbs wrapping around me. Starting, I almost shove the person away, but at the last second I realize that it’s just Armin, and he’s just hugging me.

“I promise I’ll actually visit this time.” His round face holds a perfectly sincere expression as he pulls away, and he almost looks amused as he notes the confusion on my own countenance. The bewilderment quickly warps into a smile, though, and I nod my thanks to him. The blonde researcher straightens and smirks as he adds, “And I’ll try to keep you better updated since Doctor Zoe sucks at it.”

“Hey!” The scientist in question pouts at him as she pulls open the door. I chuckle at their antics as she indignantly snaps back at him. “Armin, as my subordinate you shouldn’t be so mean to me. In fact, I think...”

Their voices fade as they exit, until they’re cut off entirely by the door swinging shut. Its sharp click rings out with a finality that immediately darkens the light mood the two researchers had left me with. The foreboding ambiance makes me want to rethink my decision, but I steel myself, figuring that I have to wait until I’m completely alone anyways. 

_Hanji had mentioned dinner..._

It doesn’t take long for a nurse to arrive with a heaping plate of chicken and pork. The sweet scent of meat is enough to make my stomach growl before she even properly enters the room, but fortunately I remember to politely thank her as she leaves. The strips of flesh slide like heaven down to my stomach and I eat so fast that I accidentally stab myself with the plastic fork a few times. I hadn’t even realized I was so hungry, and I wished I had a bigger tray. For a few minutes, at least until I was done, it was a perfect distraction. 

But then my plate is empty, and the sound of my own chewing is gone, leaving an ominous quiet in its absence. It makes dread settle into my heavily-laden stomach, and I blow out a quick breath of resignation.

_Stop stalling. Get it over with._

Pushing my bare tray away from me, I scoot as close to the wall as I can on the bed, pressing my spine flush against it. Slowly, I close my eyes and tenatively tap on the barrier in my head.

Somehow, it seems to know what I want because I get a response, but I’m not immediately overwhelmed by a barrage of painful memories. Instead, a soft hissing noise fills my head. It’s a mix of someone scraping their nails across a chalkboard, and the hush of a river dancing over stone. It’s reptilian and predatory; it makes ice flow through my veins.

The skin between my eyes tightens and I grit my teeth in order to quell the fear rising in my throat. I felt like I was teetering on the edge of insanity, looking down into a vortex of torture and reverie, hanging on by sheer willpower. Part of me wanted to stop- to shove the parasite away and lock it behind that wall. But I needed to know.

“What- what are you?” My voice trembles as I speak aloud; I didn’t feel strong enough to string proper thoughts together. That feeling is counter-intuitive, though isn’t it? Don’t you have to think in order to speak?

The hissing grows louder, and I can hear the thing fucking _breathe_ as it swirls around formlessly in my head.

_I’m you._

It has a voice, but doesn’t; it’s not like the sound that comes out of a person’s mouth, or even a noise that belongs to an animal. The only adjective that comes to mind is “sinister.”

“But I’m not-”

_I’m everything you want... all that you desire... what you truly are._

Its words reach me from all sides, bouncing around as though they had more than one source. But I knew that it was just the parasite.

“No... you’re wrong...” It’s little more than whisper though, and I draw my knees up into my chest, burying my face into them.

This time it doesn’t reply, but I know that its still there. I could sense it retreat to the corner of my consciousness, trailing a wake of white noise that excludes the comfort sometimes found in background sound. All it does is make my skin prickle uneasily, until I finally push it back behind the wall. It goes quietly and doesn’t disrupt the barrier, but once it’s gone I’m struck with the foreboding feeling that it merely allowed me to do so.

Once alone, but not truly alone, I shuffle southward on the mattress and flip onto my side, trying to sleep. But like I had predicted, slumber is slow to find me.

It has to swim through a sea of reptilian and blood-soaked memories first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoa hey look I'm alive.
> 
> I'm so sorry that it took me half a year to finally get my life together and pick this fic back up. I've wanted to for months, but college stuff, graduating high school, and dealing with family issues kept getting in the way. Fortunately, I've been accepted into college, started working, and am now on summer break so I'll be able to write again! I just hope it hasn't been so long that previous readers have forgotten about this story. I'm sorry, really >.< But good news is that I have a lot more of the plot fleshed out and I'll definitely be continuing this fic.
> 
> I love you guys and hope you forgive me OTL And also forgive me for giving you such a crappy dialogue-heavy chapter after so long. But next one we'll meet some new characters in, so look forward to that.
> 
> Remember to leave feedback/likes/comments! It's always appreciated and this is unbeta'd so there's bound to be mistakes. Till next time :)


	9. Transition

The next few days went by painfully slowly, as I drove myself borderline insane with boredom. Hanji’s orders of required bed rest meant that when I rejoined my squadron, half the day I was left alone in either the barracks or the dormitory’s study, doing absolutely nothing, while the rest of the group marched in Texas’ sweltering heat or performed PT. The second portion of my time was then filled with hours of doing even more nothing; the only difference being that now I was surrounded by other people at desks who were also listening to a professor drone on and on about strategy and military knowledge. There was only so much I could do to keep my attention from wandering, and I spaced out frequently.

Additionally, it certainly didn’t help that anytime I let my guard down, my mental roommate would make a surprise appearance. I could feel that little parasite constantly prying at the cortical tissue of my brain, eating away at it, and occasionally, the effort of trying to keep it at bay would make me irritable and moody; leaving me in a disconcerting limbo of instability.  I still had no idea what I was going to do or what I even  _should_ do in regard to it, and had resorted to simply trying to keep the entity under wraps as best I could, praying vainly that it would go away on its own or vowing to tell Hanji the next time I saw her. But that was only if I got up the guts to follow through with it,  because every time I thought of that option, for some reason I balked. 

Only twice did my control slip, and in my defense, one of those times was when I was asleep. I had woken up drenched in a cold sweat, with two wide-eyed, confused cadets holding me down into the bed. Luckily, they believed me when I'd chalked it up to a simple nightmare, and they didn’t mention it afterward, but the parasite almost _snickered_ at my explanation. I then avoided those trainees out of paranoia.

The second time happened in the restroom, when an excruciatingly painful headache had struck me like lightning as soon as I’d stepped through the threshold. Fortunately, I was the only person trying to utilize the loo for the next hour or so, and no one had to bear witness to me huddled into myself on the floor, slowly rocking back and forth as I struggled to rein in the assault of painful memories the parasite had thrown at me. There was nothing new, but that didn't make them any less agonizing.

Otherwise, I felt as though I did a relatively good job of keeping that stupid thing hidden. As far as I knew, no one saw or noticed anything different about me, including Sasha and Connie, who I’d started spending most of my time and interactions with.

I wouldn’t classify the two fellow soldiers as my friends quite yet, as Sasha’s boisterous personality was a bit hard to get over sometimes, and Connie frequently fell in with her shenanigans. However, I did feel a strong sense of companionship with the two of them when they’d immediately started hounding me with questions about why the head scientist Dr. Hanji Zoe had escorted me somewhere, the second I’d returned from said venture. It wasn’t an annoying line of interrogation; I was mostly shocked by the amazement and sheer volume of inquiries they had, which caused me to be secretly flattered by their deep interest. It felt good to have been missed and thought about, and I even selfishly humored the idea that they considered me their friend-- which made me a tad guilty as I had to try my best to dodge their questions. After all, how do you even explain something like what had happened to someone with no prior knowledge about shifters?

Two days later, when I was finally allowed to rejoin full squadron activities, life returned to the closest thing that could be classified as normal for my situation. In fact, it got a little too normal too fast, as I was pleasantly surprised by how quickly I was able to adjust back into the long days of heat-seared physical activity. I’d expected to be weeks behind due to the injuries I’d sustained and few days of no exercise, since even if I’d healed quickly, the new cells in my body needed to regain their strength. They weren’t supposed to automatically replace what had been there before and be in the same condition, even if, as Armin said, I didn’t usually generate scar tissue. Despite this logic, I seemed to only need a single day to play catch-up, and then the following week and a half were like I’d never left or gotten hurt.

True to his promise, Armin visited me six days after I’d last seen him. He’d intercepted my path as I was entering the barracks to retrieve a forgotten notebook for a lesson; a situation that had luckily given us a moment of privacy to talk about me freely, but unluckily only gave us a moment before I was missed by the squad leader. Short on time after hugs and greetings, Armin swiftly informed me that Hanji had spoken to Erwin already about what had happened, and now the two scientists were simply standing by for the commander’s orders to instruct them on what to do next. Other than that, the blonde had little to report and then asked how I was doing, to which I lied and said I was fine; however, seeing his face and knowing that I wasn’t forgotten about again, made me feel immensely better. 

By then we’d taken too long and I was forced to return to the lecture in the dorm’s lounge. I didn’t know where Armin headed off to, but the last thing he told me as he departed was that I wouldn’t be waiting too much longer. He’d probably meant it as a comfort, but the statement had only frayed against my nerves, because I didn’t even know what I was waiting for, exactly.

In hindsight, I should have spent that time away from Hanji, Armin, and Levi really thinking about my situation and where I stood on it, because there were a lot of factors that were all toying with my emotions right now. But I didn’t. In fact, I did the exact opposite, and tried to pretend that I was just a regular soldier going through basic in order to get to the next step in my military career. I wasn’t too prideful not to admit that I was horrified at the thought of sifting through my own memories again, and I was painfully aware of the irony of having yearned for them so earnestly only to suppress them now. Analyzing my shift and what had lead up to it would inevitably lead to remembering the memories I’d gained in the process. I didn’t want to relive those experiments once again, and I didn’t want to know who owned the woman’s screams that still echo faintly in my skull. 

Deep down, I already knew. But still. I didn’t want to think about it.

So I didn’t. 

* * *

 

Exactly one week and a half after seeing the head researcher, Hanji sends for me again. Except this time I’m not retrieved by an escort. 

“Jeager!” My squadron leader’s harsh, booming voice thunders into the dorm’s lounge room, where most of the trainees under his jurisdiction were either studying or relaxing for their free period. I jerk my head up at the sound of my last name and abandon my books in order to make my way before my superior. He was a tall man, with sun-hardened skin and sunken eye sockets that made his skull-like countenance seem all the more intimidating. I knew that his name was Keith Shadis, but he’d make you run laps until sundown if you ever called him anything but sir.

“Sir!” I drew to a halt directly in front of his piercing gaze and stood at attention like I’d been taught to, until he waves a hand at me to be at ease. 

“You’re to report to the research building in fifteen minutes. Have Wagner and Carolina escort you.” Shadis’ tone is a disinterested bark, but he peers closely at me as he holds out a slip of folded paper. My chest restricts in anticipation at his words, and my eyebrows furrow in confusion and curiosity as I accept the offering. Grasping the note tightly, I look up in order to salute at the implied dismissal, but the words ‘yes sir!’ had hardly pressed past my lips before he turns abruptly on his heel and stalks out of the lounge. Bemused, _Maybe he’s got more important things to do._

The instant the officer’s insignia on the back of his jacket disappears from my view, I eagerly flip open the message; however, what’s written there leaves me sorely disappointed. _Room 132? That’s it?_  Growling at the back of my throat, I crumple the parchment into a ball between my fists and mumble incoherent profanities about a certain cagey scientist under my breath.

“Eren!” I start at the loud voice, and wince again as a hard hand claps down onto my shoulder. Glancing sideways, my vision becomes filled with Connie’s inquisitive, grinning face, and I watch as he glances between my own expression and the crushed paper in my hand. “What’s that?”

I surmise that he must have seen me talking to the squad leader and wanted to know what it was about. At any another time, I’d have teased him for sneaking up on me and the transparency of his curiosity, but I was now in a foul mood. Gruffly, I shrugged off his palm.

“Nothing.” My reply is curt, and it causes a frown to walk across the other’s face. 

“Wow then, fine. Keep it to yourself.” Connie narrows his honey-brown eyes at me and crosses his arms over his chest. Annoyance makes me scowl inwardly, because he was being nosy in something that wasn’t any of his business, but guilt also prods distantly in the pit of my stomach for being so short with him. He’d done nothing wrong, and probably thought his question was innocent enough. My jaw works against itself for a moment as I consider just leaving it at that and exiting.

“Sorry, Connie. I’ll tell you later.” I settle on, offering him a small smile to make amends.The half-assed apology doubled as a way out of the conversation, since I really did need to go find Mina and Thomas so I could leave. Connie rolls his eyes at my excuse, but is quick to forgive me and we both wave as we stride in opposite directions.

Hurriedly, I retrieved my study materials- useless things; I scarcely even use them but to act like I’m working- and stashed them back in the barracks where my other personal items were. On the way, I was fortunate enough to cross paths with both Mina and Thomas as he was exiting the lounge and her the restrooms. I quickly recited what the squad leader had told me, and both readily agreed to walk me to the research facility. It was standard protocol for trainees that whenever you were commuting from building to building in uniform, with the exception of walking with a higher-up, you were to march with a fellow cadet. Usually just one other person sufficed, but that was if both were staying at the destination; Mina and Thomas were tagging along with me, because they were to return here after dropping me off.

Mina Carolina and Thomas Wagner were two of the other squadron members I was slowly becoming better acquainted with. Though her, more than him, really. Thomas was a serious-looking man with sandy-blonde hair that grew thick into his side-burns, and had a rectangular face that boasted large, maple-hued optics. He was more austere than most cadets and had very little to say a majority of the time, but he was decent at team activities and didn’t slack on his work.

Mina, on the other hand was about as bubbly as Thomas was stoic, and everyone, including myself, were constantly disarmed by her cheerfulness. She had thick raven locks that were usually tied off in two pigtails, and her slate-colored irises contrasted prettily against her fair skin. The petite woman was cute in a girl-next-door kind of way, and I admired her for her constant positivity even when training felt like hell.

Our trio didn’t say much as we marched from the dorms to the research complex, either due to having nothing really to discuss, or trying to silently bear the heat whilst stepping in unison with each other. Thomas had taken up the task of counting, and his low baritone kept us together at a steady pace. In no time, I had sweat pouring from my brow and making my camouflaged cap stick to my forehead; my uniform clung uncomfortably to my torso, and I would bet both of my companions were in similar states. I felt sorry that they’d have to make the trek back so soon, as the dormitories were further away than the cafeteria had been the first time I’d journeyed to the research facility with Doctor Zoe.

“What’s this for, Eren?”  Mina inquires curiously as soon as we reach the building and Thomas gives us the command to break formation. Stepping out from between our shoulders, the ebony-haired female begins fanning herself with the flat of her palm and turns toward me. “I thought you were going into general forces.”

She was referencing the contract each trainee signs before going into basic, stating which subset of the military they wanted to go into. I’d learned about it recently, actually, when Connie and Sasha had discussed where they were likely to be stationed next according to the next tier in their training. See, everyone goes through basic, but then instruction becomes specialized according to the different jobs people wanted. If you flunked out for a specific task, then the system placed you wherever they needed you for the rest of the time in your contract; it says as much in the paperwork. When Hanji had processed me into this squadron, she’d listed me for general forces, which essentially just skips the failing process, and here more often than not, those trainees get funneled into the infantry. They especially didn’t go into scientific careers, like Mina was probably thinking my summons to the research building meant.

“I am.” I assured her, taking a deep breath- which makes me pause and instantly veers my train of thought off-course. The scent of freshly cut grass and hot asphalt rode the air past my nose and into my lungs, but something else was there too: a sharp smell that immediately made the hairs of the back of my neck prickle. It takes me a second to return to the conversation at hand, and I cough sheepishly at the confused expression on Mina’s, and now Thomas’ face at my hesitation. Roughly, I shove away the feeling and shrug my shoulders. “I’m probably just here for an errand or something.”

“Well I hope it doesn’t take too long.” Mina states after a moment, flicking the ends of her two pony tails over her shoulder. “We have a new lesson later today.” 

A ghost of a rueful smile crosses my expression _. She would be the one to worry about basic training lessons. They all sound the same to me_.

“Yeah. See you guys then,” I say, adjusting the shirt of my uniform absentmindedly. With a nod, the two of them get ready to head back, and I pull open the door into sweet, sweet air conditioning. 

Except, amidst with the light smell of air freshener, floated the strange scent from moments ago, only a bit heavier. I couldn’t identify what it was or even what it resembled, as I’d never come across such a pungency before- that I remembered, at least. This time I couldn’t just shake it off or ignore it, and for some reason it put me on edge. I shifted anxiously from foot to foot when waiting for the mousy receptionist at the front desk to end her phone call, and almost snapped at her when asking for directions to room 132. Then, as I made my way down a hall unfamiliar to me, the trail grew stronger, and I breathed in deep gulps of it.

It wasn’t until I drew to a halt before the correct door that I realized I’d been stalking my way over the tiled flooring with the posture of a predator, and I’d been growling low in my chest the entire time. 

 _What the hell?_  

I shook my head in an attempt to clear it, but the smell was the most potent right here, and it intoxicated me with the overwhelming urge to lash out at something. For a few heartbeats, I simply stood there and clenched and unclenched my fists, both of which trembled with the effort of me trying to calm myself down. One thing I did know, was that this was far different from the parasite when it invaded my thoughts; its little voice was absent now, and this was a much more primal instinct.

My head snaps up and I take a half step back when the door suddenly jerks open.

“God, you smell awful.” The voice is sour and forceful, fitting its owner to a tee. A short, lithe girl with straw-colored hair tucked into a bun stands in the doorway, a hard frown setting her mouth and her cold blue eyes expressing a disdainful detachment. A few strands of her golden locks were loose and hung down to frame her stern features, and though she wore a uniform that matched the rest of the military personnels’, I was struck with the immediate feeling that she was different.

Also, the scent was coming from her.

“Annie,” The stranger’s ice-blue optics break away from me in order to glance over her shoulder at the second voice, and an impulse deep in my gut screamed _now._ Without my permission, my lips drew back into a snarl, and I lunged forward with a hand outstretched to tear at the soft flesh of her jugular.

But I was stopped short, pausing mid-stride with a choked sound in my throat, as the female’s gaze cut in my direction. Her scent washed over me in a tsunami and froze my body in place, leaving me nothing to do but stare back into the crystalline depths of her irises. Confusion hit me first, but then I was filled with a kind of fear that made my blood run cold. I was the prey faced toe to toe with my most feared predator; nowhere to hide and nowhere to run. I couldn’t even cower under her intense glare, but when the blonde took a threatening stride forward, I immediately took an equivalent step back.

“ _Annie._ ” The voice repeats, this time with a note of authority, and slowly, the raptorial glower I was pinned beneath melts away. Annie, I assumed, relaxes her posture, but holds my gaze for a moment longer before looking away in order to back further into the room.

I let out a heavy breath I hadn’t known I was holding and shuddered in the wake of adrenaline that still pulsed against my skin. The fear I felt was quick to roll down my body and into the floor, but it left behind a vertigo of apprehension and confusion instead, and the violent instinct I’d possessed mere heartbeats ago had vanished. There was only one thing I was certain about.

“You’re a shifter.” I state, keeping my now awed gaze trained on the other of my kind. Stepping into the room was an after-thought, and so was registering the presence of Hanji and a second female stranger in the room. Suddenly, my behavior made sense, and my expression hardened as my eyes flicked toward the head researcher. “I thought you said it was dangerous while I wasn’t bonded.”

Wearing a pair of dark hunter green scrubs, the brunette scientist was seated at the large round table in the center of the room; its birch-tree surface was mostly clear save for a couple closed manila folders, and two styrofoam cups that emitted the crisp scent of coffee. There were many wooden chairs tucked below the table, a projector suspended from the ceiling, and a large whiteboard across the back wall, making it obvious that this was a conference room. 

“It is,” Hanji’s lips were quirked into a sly kind of smile, and though her posture was composed and nonchalant, her gaze was scrutinizing me closely, analyzing my every reaction. It made me want to growl viciously at her, but I kept myself controlled as she continued, “The pheromones you two just exchanged were practically palpable. You’ve been here long enough that, especially without a bond, you’ve probably subconsciously claimed this area as your own. Smelling Annie here jump-started territorial instincts in you, and defensive ones in her, that normally would have lead to a bloody brawl for dominance.”

 _Pheromones? That’s even a thing? And territory? ...Jesus Christ, am I more like an animal than a human?_ I shook my head in disbelief.

“Lucky for you, I have better self-control.” The blonde’s voice interjects, cutting through my thoughts; I eye her cautiously as she crosses her arms over her chest. Breathing in her scent didn’t fill me with murderous urges anymore, but her presence made me uncomfortable and twitchy- like I couldn’t decide whether to not I wanted to get as far away from her as possible. She’d taken to leaning against the wall, and her countenance conveyed nothing but boredom while, despite my superior height, her gaze somehow traveled down her nose at me. “Otherwise we’d have had it out right then and there. With or without a bond, I would have torn you to shreds, greenie.”

“Greenie?” My brows pull together in confusion at the foreign term, but I still quipped my inquiry defensively, because it didn’t sound like a complimentary name coming out of her mouth.

“It’s just slang for calling you new, Eren.” The unfamiliar voice from earlier speaks again, soft and controlled, and I turn my attention to its owner. It belonged to a black-haired woman seated at the table, wearing the same military uniform as Annie and I. Her features were angular and pretty, unmistakably oriental, but set like stone in a way that immediately reminded me of Levi, making me wonder if they were related somehow. And now that I’d noticed her, I also noticed that she smelled faintly like the other shifter.

“You’re her bond, aren’t you?” The skin between my teal optics tightens as I narrow my eyes at her.

A small smile plays with the corners of her lips as the ravenette nods and then properly introduces the pair, “I’m Mikasa Ackerman. And that’s Annie Leonhardt.” 

The blonde in question brushes past me as she makes her way over to sink down into the seat beside her bond. If her barely-restrained glower was anything to go by, I’d been staring at Mikasa for a few seconds too long, even though the dumbstruck gaze was only out of shock for having finally met people like them. Now I stare at both in nothing less than fascination, a million questions racing through my mind.

“What are you two doing here then? How long have you been here, and bonded, for that matter? Does this mean I’m definitely being bound to the corporal?” My line of questioning trails off and my teeth grit against each other as I glance over at Hanji. “I thought I needed to be able to control myself first.”

“That’s why Doctor Zoe brought us.” Mikasa answers for the scientist, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear and motioning with her chin toward the blond shifter, who didn’t appear all that excited about what her bond was explaining. “Annie had trouble controlling herself in the beginning too, and is going to be giving you some pointers.”

“Annie and Mikasa are one of our most seasoned pairs,” Hanji chimes in, casually crossing one leg over the other. As she speaks, I tentatively take a few steps further into the room, but decide not to take a seat quite yet; I was still feeling a bit too high-strung. The doctor watches my movement with latent interest but continues as though she had none: “And they’re by far the most stable, even though it took them two years to become that way. They’ve worked with the special operations squad multiple times in the field and have occasionally gone on solo missions when using foot soldiers was deemed too risky. It is mainly thanks to them, and our other bonded pairs, that we’ve been able to gain some land against the Titans.”

“Don’t give them too much credit, Hanji.” 

_That voice._

“It’ll go to their heads.”

_Levi_

I hadn’t even heard him open the door; or perhaps I’d left it ajar this whole time? I didn’t know. Next thing I did know though, was that in a fraction of a second, both me and the ravenette were through the doorjamb and across the hallway, his torso pinned against the opposite wall, and the hollow of his neck clutched in my right hand. 

Honestly, I hadn't been 100 percent sure what I was going to do when I saw my potential bond again; the notion had fallen into the category of things I didn’t want to think about. But now, seeing his apathetic and nowhere near surprised expression under such a threat made a well of emotions bubble up inside me. Naturally, anger was the greatest one.

The captain had winced slightly when his spine had slammed against the plaster behind him, but otherwise Levi’s steel-like optics were impassive as they stared down at me. I was holding him just above my eye level, causing his feet to dangle several inches off the ground, and though both of his hands had reached up to clutch onto my wrist to prevent him from choking too much, the ravenette put up little resistance against my harsh grip. 

” _You._ ” I growled the word into his face, knowing full-well that my countenance was warped with rage. My grip was so tight around his neck that I could feel his pulse press against my skin, and it would be impossible for him not to bruise. The fact that he wasn’t struggling, or even appeared semi-scared, infuriated me further. I registered the sound of movement behind me, but ignored it, as no one had intervened yet, and I couldn’t care less about them right now.

“Yes, me...” The ravenette’s voice was surprisingly strong, but I relished in the strained lilt at the end of each syllable. He blinked and swallowed roughly against my grasp before asking, “What are... you waiting for...?”

_You think I’m going to let you die quickly?_

The only thing that prevented me from saying those words out loud was the all too familiar voice that had hissed them to me. My glower at Levi only grew hotter as I began warring with myself; battling between letting the parasite feed off of my hate and anger, and wanting to be the conductor of my own thoughts.

“Yeah, Eren. What are you waiting for?” My teal optics snapped to the right, where Annie had sidled up next to me. I hadn’t even noticed her approach. However, she was now peering up at my face curiously, head tilted to the side and arms crossed over her chest as though we were idly chatting about the weather or some other meaningless thing. Her behavior made no sense though; _isn’t Levi her superior? Why isn’t she trying to protect him? How come Hanji hasn’t done anything yet?_

“I... I don’t...” My eyebrows pull together in confusion, and my grip slackens slightly. Levi lets out a soft grunt and writhes a bit as his body slides a few inches southward. I’m distracted, and for a split second the parasite takes the steering wheel. Once again yanking Levi up, I snarl savagely and tighten my grasp, which causes him to let out a strangled cough. 

“Eren.” This time the blond shifter’s voice is firm, and it brings me back to myself. Yet even as I meet her hardened, but genuine stare, I can’t make my fingers let the captain go. I was still too angry and full of hate that wasn’t completely mine.

“You have to learn to control this.” Annie steps closer, and I can feel her scrutinizing my countenance.  She doesn’t make any move to forcibly release Levi from my grasp, but her proximity makes the voice in my head go haywire. It takes everything I have to keep myself from lashing out at her as she continues. “To control yourself. These instincts, yes they’re a part of you, but they do not define or dominate you; you can’t let them.”

Maybe she can see the brawl going on behind my eyes, because her next words are soft and earnest. “Don’t be a monster, Eren. You don’t even have to be good. Just be. And let him go.” 

Something about what she says, and how she says it strikes home. Clenching my eyes shut, I inhale deeply and shove the stupid parasite back and out of my consciousness. It claws painfully at the wall I place it behind, but eventually I manage to block that out too, and my respiration becomes ragged with the effort. The muscles in my fingers unlock all at once, and I none-too-gently drop Levi to the ground. With simmering anger still hot in my veins, I feel little regret as he stumbles against the wall with a choked groan in his chest.

“That’s one way to say hello,” Levi rasps between shallow hacks. A single, bright red hand print circles his jugular like a tattoo, and the palm he doesn’t use to support his weight reaches up to gingerly press against the irritated flesh. I growl lowly in my throat at his sarcastic comment, and decide not to reply, instead taking a few steps backwards in order to collect myself.

“I wish you’d have stopped him sooner.” Hanji’s voice is a grumble as she steps past me to inspect the damage I’d delivered to the captain. It was apparent that she was speaking to Levi, and the implication that he was perfectly able to free himself at any time during our ‘exchange’ made me want to knock a hole into the wall. 

Turning abruptly on my heel, I stalk back into the room and plop down into the nearest chair with its back to the hallway. Mikasa was still seated, and didn’t look as though she’d moved an inch during all the commotion, though her piercing gaze told me that she’d watched everything closely. I met her otherwise indecipherable stare evenly, and jutted out my chin in a challenge, daring her to say something critical about what had happened.  

To my surprise, though, she simply tears her sable-hued eyes away from me and lets out a short breath. I watch silently as she places her palms flat against the table and presses herself upright, the chair squealing quietly in her wake. By then, Levi, Hanji, and Annie had returned, but I hear rather than see them enter, as I juvenilely refused to twist around in my seat and acknowledge their presence.

However, I was forced to glance over my shoulder when Mikasa strides past me, and a puzzled look mars my countenance as I realize that she’s walking towards the door. Seemingly without any gesture or cue, Annie falls in behind her, and halts when her bond does just within the threshold.

“Doctor Zoe, would you mind coming with us?” With her expression little more than a bland set of lines, Mikasa voices her inquiry as though she were asking Hanji out for tea. The head scientist in question narrows her gaze at the two soldiers, and Levi brushes her mothering arms away from his person when she pauses in order to reply.

“And leave these two alone after what just happened?” Her tone oozed skepticism, and she placed her newly freed hands on her hips.

“They need to talk. Privately,” Mikasa states, as though it were the most obvious thing in the world. My gut twists slightly at the bond’s words, but I hold my tongue before it can articulate the protests sitting at its tip. Instead, I turn back around in my seat and sulk since I know Hanji will agree with what Mikasa says, especially after she adds, “They’ll fail as bonds if they don’t communicate.” 

The pause in conversation tells me that the researcher was considering it, and the subsequent footsteps confirm my suspicions. 

“Try not to kill each other,” Hanji states, addressing both the captain and myself. I let out a grunt of a reply, but give her nothing else, and I don’t hear Levi make any sort of noise before the door clicks shut. 

_Just killing? Shouldn’t they be concerned I’ll get so angry I’ll shift? These people make no sense to me._

Heartbeats pass where the two of us let it remain silent, and a palpable, strained aura takes its time creeping up through the tiles underfoot. I can feel his piercing, quicksilver gaze boring into me, and the sensation of being watched makes my skin crawl; however, the anger I’d felt was slowly leaking out of my fingertips to be replaced by curiosity. I wanted to hear his side of the story, and how he planned on justifying his actions. 

_He might not have any justification. That’d be rich._

The seconds stretch and feel like hours, and finally, I decide to glance over my shoulder at him. Our gazes meet with a spark that makes my stomach jump, and I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why. I took in the relaxed, yet poised way he stood, and noted how, other than the bruises circumnavigating  his neck, he appeared completely fine.  My teal optics lingered on the handiwork I’d left, the marks on his skin already beginning to purple around the edges where my fingers had burst blood vessels below the surface. It’ll only get worse as time wears on, and I wondered how much it hurt or if he was simply used to most pain. He was certainly acting as though he were. Vehemently, I squished down the little tickle of guilt I felt building at the back of my mind.

“You’re faster than I thought you would be.” The tenor of his voice finally breaks the silence, and the captain moves forward so that I didn’t have to twist awkwardly in order to meet his gaze. Levi’s footsteps thud far too loudly in the relatively quiet room, and he takes care to pick up the chair instead of dragging it out across the floor.

“Is that supposed to be a compliment?” I sneer my words, leaning back a bit as he draws closer to me. In all honesty, I couldn’t tell if he meant my speed mentally or physically, but my reaction would have likely been equally disdainful either way.

He doesn’t answer immediately, and his expression turns stony at the snark in my tone. I have to fight to keep from shrinking away under the intensity of his glower, and only the searing remnants of my anger allow me to do as such. Another few moments pass in the same uneasy ambiance, before he continues.

“Oluo may be an airhead sometimes, but he has a very high kill count.” Levi’s body hardly makes a sound as he slips down into the chair. He’d chosen a seat to my right that left one empty between us, and I wondered if the space was more for my comfort or his; though my skin still prickled from the proximity. “He doesn’t get hurt often, much less in a relatively controlled shifting experiment. So yes, my statement could be considered a compliment. But the cause of my noticing it was less than desirable.”

“The cause of my _shift_ was less than desirable, too.” I ground out the words, pulling them through my teeth as I glared at the ravenette. It was obvious who I held with reproach. 

“I only did as I was told,” he says, unfazed by my hostility, and meets my stare unflinchingly. 

“That’s not an excuse!” My crossed arms yank away from each other, and I clench my fists in the air before me, just barely preventing them from traversing the air between us. “The way I hear it, you’re so important you can do whatever the fuck you want. You decided to follow those orders on your own- how could you have not known they were wrong?”

“I decided to follow the words of a person I trust.” The ravenette’s countenance hardens again, his icy optics depthless as they pierce right through me. “Someone who is right a lot more than I am.”

“Well this time she was wrong. And _I’m_ the one who got mentally screwed over for it.”

Levi’s jaw clenches, and he falls silent. Apparently he doesn’t have a reply to that. I avert my gaze and glare down at the table before me, forcing my trembling fists into my lap. How could he possibly understand how I felt right now? The fact that I have no idea what’s going through his head frustrates me, and I seethe through the short quiet that once against stretches between us. I want to shake answers out of him; answers and apologies, but I don’t think I’ll get either. My shoulders tense as he takes a quick breath in order to speak again.

“I see more benefits to bonding with you than not.” Levi’s tone is softer now, like he’s trying to explain something without offending me.

“I don’t. I can’t trust you,” I say automatically, my gaze focusing in on a tiny crack I’d found in the table’s surface.

“Then why are you still here?”

“Because my other alternatives both end up with me being experimented on by the Titans again.” My voice is a growl, and I’m so rigid in my seat I fear I won’t be able to move from this position anytime soon. Sarcasm laces its way into my tone, “What little I remember of it makes that option just a tad unappealing. Plus, I don’t believe for a second that after all this effort, the Scouts are just going to let me leave. I’m stuck here whether I like it or not, and you all are just putting up this shallow facade to make it seem like I have a choice in the matter.”

“You _do_ have a choice in the matter-,” the ravenette begins, but is abruptly cut off by my glare, as sharp as a dagger, when I flick it up towards him. However, he doesn’t give me the opportunity to interrupt, and presses on in firm cadence. “I won’t deny that you’re right; Commander Erwin isn’t going to just let you go now. However, if you truly do not want to, you don’t have to be bonded to me. There are hundreds of other soldiers that can utilize your powers, that will score positively on the compatibility test. You can choose not to forgive me for what happened before your shift, and simply move on to someone else.

“But I’m not looking for your forgiveness, Eren.” Levi’s expression becomes more like marble than it's ever been, and I peer at him skeptically. “I think you and I have something in common; something that we can turn into a deal.”

“And that is?” Brows arching over my eyes, I cross my arms again and give him a doubtful look.

“You want those Titans dead in the ground, don’t you? After everything they did to you?” His optics zero in on me, and I know he can see the slight, impulsive twist in my expression. He takes that as confirmation, and his voice becomes grave. “I have my own reasons, but I want them gone, too. Erwin isn’t aware that I know of his plans to pull me from the frontier. He thinks I’m too reckless, and wants to protect me, but bonding would take away his excuse to try and keep me from fighting. For you, being paired with me is a straight shot at the Titans. It’ll take much longer if you start over and try to find someone else that can pass the test, and then, depending on the person, it could take years of training to get you both mission-ready. I can have you prepared in a minimum of two months. 

“You don’t have to like me, Eren, and I don’t expect you to. But we can use each other, and you can trust me to keep up my end of a deal.” 

My teal eyes lock with his, peering, scrutinizing, searching for some hint of deceit or wavering that would tip me off that he’s lying; that he’s just saying this to convince me to bond to him. I find nothing in the silver flecks of his irises, nor in the stone-like quality of his angular features. Part of me was buying the sincerity of Levi’s words, and I could feel my anger toward him waning, as I thought about the bigger picture: the Titans.

I’d been so distracted with the most recent events that I’d forgotten why I was in this situation in the first place. I was still pissed to hell that they’d experimented on me and turned me into this _thing_ and as I continued to contemplate, I realized that they very likely had something to do with the woman who keeps haunting me, and the little voice that keeps trying to control me. And after all, wasn’t bringing them down part of the reason for my wanting to join the Scouts in the first place?

_I won’t forgive Levi or Hanji, or anyone here. But if they’re going to use me as a weapon, then I can use them too._

“Fine. I’ll give it a shot-” At my words, the ravenette shifts in his seat, jaw hinging open in order to speak; however, I quickly add: “-but on one condition.” 

Levi’s brows twitch almost imperceptibly towards each other, but he closes his mouth. I take that as permission to speak- not that I’d really needed his authorization. “I want to know everything you do from now on. No more secrets, or conveniently leaving information out; I don’t care what Hanji tells you to keep from me, I want to know what’s going on.” 

“Fair,” the captain states after a moment’s pause. “But I have a stipulation as well- though, it would have been a requirement whether you were going to bond to me or not.”

Slight puzzlement mars my features, and I simply wait for him to resume speaking.

“You will learn to command your dragon, and you won't endanger any of my comrades ever again.” The look Levi fixes me with sends ice down my spine, and I’m struck with the sudden notion that this man is far more dangerous than he lets on. 

“Because if you do, I‘ll get rid of your control problem. Indefinitely.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suuuuuper long chapter this time ^^ I had no other place to break it off, but I didn't want to skimp on material, so that's also why it took so long to update. But hey, a little under a month is better than six lol
> 
> Hope you guys liked it! Writing Levi and Eren's interactions were so much harder than I thought it would be for this section, simply because its so strained, and Levi isn't much of a talker. So sorry if he seemed a bit out of character towards the end.
> 
> Anywhosies; please leave me feedback! Grammar, content, anything is welcome, including constructive criticism. I'm always aiming to improve writing. Also, thank you so much for the support this fic has already received!
> 
> Till next time :)

**Author's Note:**

> So I'm not 100% sure where I'm going with this, but I have a few chapters mapped out along with a little plot. Please let me know what you think and tell me whether or not I should continue this. Thanks, loves ^^.  
> Unbeta'd, so I apologize for any grammatical mistakes and spelling errors.


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